Tad annoyed with parents

If it's a list of their friends that they want invited, and they don't give you the addresses, then I wouldn't invite their friends. Maybe let all parents know that you need the addresses by [date], or you won't be inviting anyone on the list who you don't have an address for. If there are people on that list who you definitely want to invite, reach out to those people directly either through social media or phone or however you can to get their addresses.

That’s rough hosting an event where you don’t know the people who are invited… It’s even worse when it’s something as special and meaningful as your wedding. Give your parents a specific date by which you need the addresses. Otherwise those guests won’t receive a STD and, in turn, won’t be invited to the wedding

I agree with the others here. People are sometimes really bad procrastinators, but you have a wedding to plan!!

Give them a deadline, and let them know that none of the people you asked for addresses for will be invited if they don't get you the information you need. Simple as that.

You are responsible for searching out your relatives, and general family friends, and of course your own. How many are friends of your parents whom you do not know? 10 Addresses? more? Save the Date cards are a relatively new invention. For many generations, people made a phone call, sent a letter or email that included advance information on the wedding only to those who needed it, as for cross country or international travel. Many people do this still. Cheap and fast, no need to print things. And it may only be a small number who need any notice earlier than 8-10 weeks out when regular invitations are received. Your parents may have no urgent reason to get addresses for you now, if there are no travel issues making it necessary to get a Dave. They need to get you addresses in February or early March, if they think regular invitations are fine for their people. If your parents send holiday cards, that may be a good time to get a list. Since Save the Date cards are totally unnecessary for those not needing notice 4-6 months in advance, it would be unfair to give them an ultimatum, addresses now, or no invitation. They may have been to or involved in 10 or 100 weddings in a lifetime, never with a Save the date used. So what seems like stubborn behaviour to you, is simply that they know very well that invitations go out no sooner than Mid April for an early July wedding. So they have more than 4 months to get you addresses. Considering how Covid is impacting many weddings now, and that many wedding vendors will be out of business by next summer, most people are not giving definite STD advance notice where not absolutely needed. Less to change if you must cut back or change things. When are you thinking of sending STD out? January? 6 months ahead?

I agree with the others. I would nicely tell them what date you need the addresses for the guests they want you to invite and if you don't have said addresses then they won't be invited. If any of them are people you want at the wedding, then I would reach out to them on your own.

I wouldn’t push or stress about it. Ask them for the addresses, give them a deadline to have them to you. Then send the save the dates to those they gave you addresses for. They are adults and should be responsible for themselves. If it’s important for their friends to be invited then they will get the addresses to you. If not, they won’t.
Also, put your foot down on continuously sending save the dates. Once the deadline you’ve given has passed and you’ve sent the save the dates, that’s it. They can still give you addresses for the invitations but those guests will not get the save the date. Be firm! You got this!

Give them a deadline and if they don’t have it to you then don’t invite their friends!

No STD, no invite. LOL


Or skip their STD and just send an invite.

I would maybe remind them 1 more time. If they don't get them to you, then those people don't get a save the date. This honestly works in your favor a bit if, down the line, you want to be able to cut some people. If someone gets a save the date, they need to get an invite. If they didn't get a save the date, there is no harm in inviting them and no harm in not inviting them. Kind of a win-win.

Don't push, demand them! If the addresses cannot be provided those people will miss out on the mailings.


I would try to get them if you can by anyway you can. Send one email Bcc'ing all of the guests you have an email address for asking them for their address. People will not be offened by this email. In fact I suspect they will beore than happy to reply and you only have to send one email

"If I do not have the addresses, the names are coming off the list. Thanks!"

I need these addresses by Friday or they cant come