Tactful way to execute on a List and b List invitees?

I considered doing an A & B list, simply because we didn't have the room/budget to accommodate everyone we wanted to invite. I eventually just decided to have one guest list. Originally, I planned on sending invites out 12 weeks before the wedding and RSVP 7 weeks before the wedding, then send out B list invites as the "no"s come in with RSVP deadline 3 weeks before. It would be too much of a hassle in my opinion, especially asking people to RSVP so early on the first wave. If you do decide to do this, I'd be very careful in ensuring that your B list runs in a different circle than your A list, otherwise people will know they were on a separate guest list. I wouldn't send save the dates to anyone on the B list, just A list.

Knew not to send Save The Dates.

I’m just worried that nobody will RSVP until the last minute, leaving the concept of a B list out completely.

It's definitely a more tedious thing to deal with and people are already bad at RSVPing. I would really consider skipping the B list if at all possible. I was bummed because I wanted to invite our coworkers, but I decided against it.

The B list is tacky in my opinion...would you want to be on someone’s ‘B’ list? I wouldn’t...

I wouldn’t want to, but better a “b” list than not to be invited at all. Especially if you have a huge family and lots of friends from the same group. It’s kind of hard to pick and choose.

That's how I look at it. If done the right way, the B list isn't just to fill seats for those that declined. It's hard when you have budget/space limitations and want to invite everyone close to you, but you're obligated to invite family first. Family alone makes up about 65% of our guests. When we had a B list, it was for the people we absolutely wanted to invite and would have if we had the ability, but unfortunately had to make cuts for family.

We didn’t have an official A list or B list but we did end up sending some invitations later than others. We sent out our invitations pretty early, I think 11 weeks before the wedding.

We had to make some cuts because we started out concerned about being over budget. But we got a lot of no’s early on. Much more than expected. By the time we got to the 7 week mark, we realized with the amount of declines we had already received, even if EVERYONE else who had yet to RSVP came, we were way under budget now. So at that point we sent out a few more invitations to some people we had cut to begin with. My logic in doing this was: (1) these people would still get their invitations over 6 weeks before the wedding which is perfectly acceptable timing. So it wouldn’t feel like they were invited “last minute”... 6 weeks is normal timing for invites (I NEVER would’ve sent an invitation less than 6 weeks prior) (2) they were all people who didn’t know other guests so it’s unlikely they’d figure out that they were added later (3) even if they did find out they were added later, these were people who wouldn’t have cared. Mostly people who we were close with when we were younger who weren’t expecting to be invited to begin with, or some of my mom’s friends who she initially told we didn’t have enough space for and they understood, but then when she told them “actually my daughter’s list is coming back with more no’s so she gave me a few more people to invite and I want to invite you!” they were thrilled to be added even though they knew it was a B-list type thing. Because they’re people who KNEW they weren’t my A-list and were fine with that.

(1) Basically you have to keep it classy with timing... no invitations should go out less than 6 weeks before the wedding. (And you can’t set your A list RSVP date that early either, because that’s also rude... you kinda just have to hope you get plenty of no’s long before the deadline, and if not, then oh well you don’t invite your B list).

(2) You also can’t B list people who are friends with people on the A list and may hear about the wedding from those people before they get their invitation.

(3) You also have to make sure that IF the B listed people find out they were B listed, these are people who wouldn’t be offended to find out they weren’t in your top list.

If you can’t meet those criteria........ don’t B list :p

I did this. Sort of aha. I let his mom have five tables and so we ended up with a 20% decline rate and we needed a minimum number of people so I let her invite more off her other list. For her it was easy because basically she could just say she was only allotted x amount of guests by me and now that there's more room, she can invite others she had wanted but literally couldn't before.

I also think a B list is tacky. Just decide between having lots of people or the fancy sit down dinner (for example). There's definitely a way to invite everyone and stay within a budget - you just might have to spend $25 pp on food instead of $50, or cut down on flowers or something. I would not be willing to be rude just to have more flowers.

It's not rude to not invite people, just pick a list and stick with it.

You can always cut costs elsewhere to invite everyone you originally would like instead of an A and B list. But if you're going that route, I've actually told my guests to RSVP a month before the actual RSVP due date just in case.

For those who have not by my given due date, I will probably reach out to them or in your case, you can use that opportunity to invite anyone from off your B list. You can probably do something like that?

Good luck

Thank you, Jasmine. We have really cut costs as much as it makes sense to, but the bulk of wedding costs will always be based on the guest list.

Still trying to have that “aha!” moment where we can invite whoever we want and not feel guilty.