Switching dresses, dress regret, burn out, 2 weddings (and/or more) = Decision fatigue

I actually think it’s common among some brides all of the time, during a pandemic or not. In my experience, I’ve noticed that indecisiveness comes when there isn’t a clear vision of the wedding day and what is truly wanted/needed. I see it happen when brides are piecing plans together as they come along, instead of having a full outline of what everything should look like (and working from there). When you have a wedding “blueprint”, you’re less likely to veer off of it very much. I also think indecisiveness occurs more often these days due the number of options/ideas that we have access to for weddings... due to the major emphasis and pressure about the “perfect” wedding and it being considered one of the most major events of your life... and then of course there’s Pinterest 😆. I believe that if a bride isn’t clear on the overall vision, then they will easily be swayed left and right, and question their choices. Most brides change their minds about a small idea here or there. But, to me, bigger and frequent changes come from being overwhelmed and/or lacking a clear wedding focus.

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I think the lack of a clear plan comes with Covid - for example - my venue has changed numerous times, along with the guest list, decor, etc. Everything has changed - even the state where it will be held. It's hard to maintain a vision when that happens. So, first I had a chapel in the woods in the South, then I had a romantic city chapel on a busy main street, now - I'm in a rural area in a garden/cottage. The formal vision I had seemed to evaporate when city chic with a touch of romance was chosen in the quaint downtown area we chose. Then city chic to garden cottage didn't translate well.

It's been really hard to keep the vision when all that is up for grabs - that's why I think Covid has made this even worse. Honestly, once we changed the big wedding to next June - I haven't changed a thing about that one. It's still in the chapel in the woods. I have the same dress, decor, flowers, maid dresses, etc. I have that vision nailed - but the minimony isn't so easy. And there aren't similar venues in my state - there are only a few in the country (we chose it because of the architect who built it). So - it's just been rough to find venues and vibes that fit to the custom architecture of the chapel in the woods that I loved from day one.

You just can't love the new choices like you did your original vision. It's not that easy. If your dress were damaged you wouldn't love the new one the same way. And the longer you've been engaged the more you get that original vision stuck and just choosing something else doesn't feel right. So, you change it all and hope that you can love it. Until it changes again... You just get tired of making choices and trying to hold to visions that seem long gone. It's sad really.

View Quoted Comment How did you create your wedding vision?

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The original vision one was based off the location which is perfection. It started with the architecture, then moved to the vibe (elegant and refined - with a touch of drama and rustic). Next, dress color was chosen to suit the natural lighting of the chapel which uses daylight and stars (it's all glass). Then we found a lovely restaurant to hold a reception that felt like a smoking lounge type feel - with to die for food. Flowers and decor were simple so the chapel could stand out and the darkness of the restaurant and it's eclectic decor lent itself to simplicity too. White candles, flower rings, and footed candle holders were all we wanted. Then there was the speakeasy at the bottom of a church for the after party. It's perfection - at least for the 2 of us. I hope it can happen.... one day... next June ideally.

So long story short, it evolved based on the chapel as the inspiration ... and it was fantastic planning that with him. When the venue went away - much was lost. But we live states away and we can't even get there. Visitors from my state were prohibited and now must quarantine. So, June 2021 for that vision...

View Quoted Comment Yes, that’s totally different when the state and venue changes..... When it goes from rural to city, etc. Those are total changes to the entire wedding. So you’re in a unique position. What I’m referring to are couples where only their guest count decreased or the date changed (or didn’t change at all) but they still can’t concretely decide on aspects of their wedding. However I see the hurdles in your specific situation. Best wishes on everything!

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Oh! I can totally see what you are saying now!!! I was just thinking about how everyone is probably sick of seeing the 1000 dresses I considered. Fortunately, I bought very few. Honestly, 3. One is a high low that seemed to fit the city chic vibe, one more traditional gown that my mom and others loved, and then the Pronovias Druida mermaid that makes me cry at the idea of not wearing it. Honestly, the Pronovias was purchased due to dress regret (over the mom gown). That traditional gown my mom loved falls flat with me for some reason, but I don't know what it is...
Overall, my Pronovias was $300 - swoon!! The more traditional Essence of Australia was $500. And the city dress was $149. So, I've kept the carnage pretty low (while still having designer dresses) and I am figuring out how to use all 3 between the 2 ceremonies and after party.

*But... I did have a white lace dress that I already owned that I considered, and then there was an Eddy K ball gown that I considered too. A few from David's that I ordered and returned to avoid being in store during Covid. It's been really rough to just settle down and make final choices - I always wonder what will change next.

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For me, it’s a process that starts with an inspiration. That inspiration could be anything from a color, a flower, an interest, a season, a pattern, a feather, a book, etc. ... literally anything. I didn’t decide on my wedding vision until we selected the venue. In our instance, the city (Las Vegas), our venue’s atmosphere/decor along with the dominant colors present were my starting points.

When planning events, I write my concepts down first. So, for our wedding I wrote/typed out the headings “ceremony” “cocktail hour” and “reception”. Under each category I start writing out ALL ideas that come to mind that fit the look I’m going for. Later I circle back and start narrowing down the ideas, because it’ll look like a circus if you try to incorporate every single idea 😝 I then list out everything that will be needed to execute those ideas and what it should look like (i.e. gold mercury glass votives, mix of all white flowers, guest book, pub table for the guest book with a red linen, circle shaped programs, wooden placecards, etc. ) under each category. I don’t usually look at any photos until I‘ve come up with what I have in mind first. After that I’ll look online at other variations of my ideas. I believe if brides start looking at lots of photos first, they’re going to be influenced and pulled in too many different directions.

Another thing to figure out is what the style of the wedding will be… Formal, casual, fun elements included, traditional, boho, etc. That will help guide the ideas as well.

In all fairness, I was a wedding planner for 10 years so I’ve seen a lot. But there’s still SO much that can be done. To me the key is not totally following trends and instead tastefully including unexpected elements.

Although I stopped wedding planning in 2016, FH and I host about 3 to 4 parties each year (pre-covid) and I pretty much go all out 😆 So I still get my fix of planning, decorating and creativity! 🥳

Happy planning