Swap moh for a Best Man? (lesbian wedding)

I would not give any attention to gender dynamics. Who is the person you want to stand next to you on your wedding day? Pick that person.

So I ran into a *slightly* similar situation.. prior to formally choosing a BP, a friend and I were casually mentioning her being in the BP. FH and I ultimately decided we were not doing bridal parties, just MOH/best man (FH is actually doing a "best woman"). I let this friend know that we had decided on not doing bridal parties, but she was welcome to get ready with me on the day of.

View Quoted Comment ^^This.

There really is no “groom” role. I’m having men and women on my side, as is my FH. Gender dynamics are yucky anyways. I’d officially ask who you want next to you.

View Quoted Comment

That is a wonderful idea! I will ask my friend to be the lady to get ready with me on the big day. Woop!

My MOH is a man. Titles do not need to dictate gender. You can play up the "groom" role and call your attendant Best Man even if it is a woman. So the only question is who do you want to stand beside you?

Don't get caught up in the gender roles. I know many male/female couples who have disregarded this, so you certainly shouldn't worry about it! Do you have someone specific in mind for the best man? If not, your friend could still be a female in the "best woman" role rather than a bridesmaid. If you do have someone in mind for best man, I say go for it but still keep your friend as a bridesmaid. Sides don't need to be even, and it could be fun to have the best of both worlds!

I wouldn't swap her out for a man just for the sake of "playing up the "groom" role more". There's no rule that says a groom has to have a best man, or that the honor attendants have to be of the opposite sex. You can call it whatever you want, but "firing" someone from your wedding party is always going to be hurtful for them, regardless of the excuse you give. I'd keep her as MOH, but if you prefer a more masculine look on your side, maybe ask her to wear a suit to match yours, instead of a dress. There are tons of baller women's suits out there.

Like PP have stated, I wouldn't get caught up on the gender roles. Whomever you want next to you with the title you want, is the way you should go. I have a matron/man of honor, and FH has a best woman. I know if given the opportunity, I'd totally embrace the role of best man, and rock a suit too

I think it's important to have the people who you care most about beside you on the day, but it's also a tricky situation in that you've already asked her. Is there a reason why you don't want her to stand next to you that day, besides your vision for the day? (I'm not trying to sound snarky but don't know how else to word it.)

"Firing" someone from the bridal party always runs the risk of hurt feelings or a damaged friendship, which is why people here advise against asking so early.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you all for your responses! I think that I will let my friend know that we decided not to have any bridesmaids, but ask her if she would still do me the honor of getting dressed with me in the bridal suite on the day-of, attending the Friday night dinner with our families, and partying with my fiancee at her bachelorette party. That way she will still know she is important to me, but I will be able to stand up at the wedding with the people that I really want to stand up with me-my bride's MOH and my beloved friend who I will ask to be my best man.

I would not worry about gender roles, either - pick who you want!!