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Super October 2020

Surprised at choice for best man

Michelle, on January 22, 2020 at 7:53 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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My cousin (maid of honor), her husband, my fiancé and I are very close and hang out often. Over the 7 years, her husband and my fiancé have grown to be very close friends. They text each other often, hangout, do their own thing apart from us, we are at our big family gatherings, have their own hobbies and ventures together, and have become a part of each others circle of friends from childhood.

So it was to our surprise when my fiancé chose someone else to be his best man. He chose someone who he grew up with as a baby he calls him his brother. Their families go way back. They don’t talk much or hangout anymore (usually special occasions like a birthday and wedding). They lead different lifestyles, one parties and drinks and my fiancé finds other things fun.
I asked out of curiosity why he chose him and his simple explanation was that he felt closest to his best man. But they barely talk or hangout. When they do get together I do see his best man treat him like a little brother in a way that my cousins husband doesn’t. But I find it hard to understand. I’m not concerned, just seeing if anyone can explain in their own experience lol.
Have you made a choice that surprised people?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jeanie, on January 22, 2020 at 8:45 PM

Master January 2015
null · on January 22, 2020 at 8:00 AM
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I can see why your FH chose who he did. Regardless of who you hang out with/see more regularly, the bond you have with people is different. I'm sure he likes your MOH's husband plenty, but if this is someone he grew up with, who has literally been there through everything in his life, it's no surprise he considers him his brother and wants him to be his best man. Oftentimes the closest of bonds are the ones that don't require you to talk everyday or hangout every weekend. I'm sure they've gotten plenty of quality time with each other under their belt over their lifetimes.
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on January 22, 2020 at 8:06 AM
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I chose my closest friend over my no longer close childhood friend for moh and she had a meltdown and didn’t come to my wedding.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on January 22, 2020 at 8:16 AM
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I understand why he did what he did. It isn’t about who you hang out with the most. It’s about someone you have close connection and trust with.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on January 22, 2020 at 8:48 AM
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Thanks all for input for me to understand better. He has three childhood friends and they’re also his groomsmen. It’s funny because they chose the same best man even though my fiancé wasn’t his best man. He chose someone else in the group. It’s interesting to think about the differences.
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Devoted March 2019
Katie · on January 22, 2020 at 8:50 AM
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I've definitely seen situations like this - my college roommate, someone who I consider to be one of best friends (and who stepped in as MOH for my wedding after my sister could not attend), decided to only include a few childhood friends in her wedding party and no "new" or not hometown friends.
While I'm assuming the cousin will still be in the wedding party as a groomsman, I feel like wedding planning makes a lot of people nostalgic of their oldest and dearest friends, or if he considers this other friend to be like a brother, he may have more of a "blood is thicker than water" family mentality. Either way, I don't think it is necessarily concerning, as long as this other friend is also someone who cares about your FH and will be responsible enough to attend the necessary wedding events
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on January 22, 2020 at 8:54 AM
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Oh yes, he’s still a groomsmen. To be honest, I don’t have close close friends just my sisters and cousins so it’s hard for me to understand. As mentioned, not concerned at all but just curious.
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Dedicated December 2020
Nikki · on January 22, 2020 at 1:42 PM
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I did something similar. I always thought I would choose my best friend from high school to be my MOH, but over the years, because of distance, we just dont talk a lot anymore. I chose my best friend from college as MOH, because she and I talk about everything. But because I have always envisioned my BFF from high school by my side, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. We talk about 3-4 times a year (birthdays or holidays), but I still consider her one if my best friends!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on January 22, 2020 at 8:45 PM
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This isn’t an insult to the new friend. This is about the bond he has with his childhood friend. He is a lucky guy to have a friend like that. Not many people remain friends with people they grow up with, and that’s something to be cherished. You don’t have to see someone all the time to have that connection and love for one other.
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