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Savvy June 2019

Surprise engagement party - what to do now?

dancedancedance, on December 22, 2017 at 8:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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FH and I recently visited my FMIL in her hometown. She invited us over for dinner with her family, friends, and her new boyfriend’s family. Upon arrival, we realized this was a surprise engagement party for us.. complete with cake, balloons, and the guests bringing gifts. We are having a long engagement and have not decided any details about the wedding yet, though I am certain 75% of the people who came to this party will not be on the guest list for our wedding. We were polite and thankful to everyone at the party. When asked about wedding details we would kindly state that as we will not be getting married for awhile, we have not made any planning decisions. We chose to graciously accept the gifts given to us, even though we felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing and how big of an etiquette faux-pas it was My question is, is there anything I should do to repair the damage in this case? I hate hay people were invited to a pre-wedding event but will not be invited to the wedding.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Orchids, on December 22, 2017 at 9:08 PM

Dedicated May 2018
Christina · on December 22, 2017 at 8:15 PM
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Since they are from her hometown I wouldn't worry to much about it. Especially since your wedding isnt for a while. Just remember to be firm in your stance about who is on the guest list.
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VIP May 2017
The Bride · on December 22, 2017 at 8:17 PM
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I think you're in the clear. You obviously had no way of knowing that this was coming, and given that you had no say in this it's not like you're purposely excluding people. Just thank them graciously and quietly move on. Hopefully FMIL doesn't have any other surprises in mind for you...
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on December 22, 2017 at 8:35 PM
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I don't think there was any etiquette faux pas committed. You should thank your FMIL and send thank you notes for the gifts. Unless you elope or get married just the two of you, weddings are about family and friends and you should be prepared that your FMIL may want to include some of these folks. Be glad she likes you and is excited for you and her son!
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Dedicated March 2018
Jesca · on December 22, 2017 at 8:43 PM
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I think you're all good, especially since you're having a long engagement. Most people will probably forget that you're getting married unless you're planning a super quick engagement.
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VIP August 2018
Alforev · on December 22, 2017 at 8:48 PM
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Honestly it wasn’t your fault because you didn’t invite the people. It sounds like you handled it well and these people will probably never think twice to ask. I wouldn’t stress about it.
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Savvy June 2019
dancedancedance · on December 22, 2017 at 8:58 PM
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Thanks everyone! Guess I was a little over-worried but I feel better now!
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Expert October 2018
ACD · on December 22, 2017 at 9:07 PM
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Awkward for sure! I personally don't think that you should feel obligated to invite any of them especially since you didn't know it was happening. I'm not sure if anyone gave you gifts but you could always send them a nice thank you card for coming and supporting you if you were close with them? Good luck!
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Master March 2018
Orchids · on December 22, 2017 at 9:08 PM
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I think you're OK too, it was sweet that your FMIL wanted to celebrate your engagement.
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