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Just Said Yes March 2023

Surprise bridesmaid/moh proposal party

Mary, on November 23, 2021 at 12:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi! I am planning to have a surprise sleepover for my bridal party proposal, with food drinks, their gifts, pajamas, and a video with old pics and videos of us with speeches for each (in the video). I am planning on having my best friend since kindergarten and my sister in law as MOH as I have 8 bridesmaids, it will divide the duties, and I just love them both. I don’t want to bring it up to either of them before, because it’s a surprise, but my best friend has been expecting it since we were kids, but I definitely am asking my sister in law bc my fiancé will be asking my brother and his best friend to be his best men.

My question is, how do I, in Public, ask both girls to be my MOHs at the party? I planned on the video having heartfelt speeches why I want the other girls to be my bridesmaids. I was curious if I should have a separate speech for both of them after? Any thoughts would be appreciated!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on November 23, 2021 at 5:04 PM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on November 23, 2021 at 8:09 AM
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While this idea sounds cute initially, I feel like it puts pressure on all of the ladies to say yes. Being a bridesmaid is a big commitment, including financially. If people are asked in a big, public way like that, it puts pressure on them to say yes. I would really consider asking each person individually and then maybe having this sleep over after everyone has already agreed.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on November 23, 2021 at 8:29 AM
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This is exactly what I was going to say also
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on November 23, 2021 at 10:33 AM
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I'm not big on mass proposals or public proposals or surprise proposals. They may not be able to afford a dress, or want a chance to ask you about your expectations before accepting or gave a schedule conflict, or not like attention. I also don't like the idea of doing a video speech for 6 and an in person speech for 2.

Ask individually and privately. Advise of expectations upfront.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on November 23, 2021 at 11:29 AM
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I agree. This is something that needs to be discussed privately with each woman without any pressure of bridesmaid boxes and a clear list of expectations and expenses laid out so they can take the necessary time to decide if they are able financially/emotionally to fulfill the job.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on November 23, 2021 at 1:59 PM
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I second (fifth!) everyone else.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on November 23, 2021 at 2:11 PM
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Yep agreed. This idea, while nice on Instagram, puts people on the spot.
Also your wedding party doesn't have duties other than to show up sober in the attire requested and pose for photos. It's your chance to honour them, not the other way around.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on November 23, 2021 at 4:27 PM
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If you plan of giving the MsOH "duties," I would definitely ask each of them privately, and explain what duties you expect them to perform. That way, everything is up front, there are no surprises later, and they aren't pressured to say yes at a party.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on November 23, 2021 at 5:04 PM
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Exactly what everyone else said! When I asked my girls I surprised all of them individually. I'm so glad I did that because it created a special moment between me and my chosen bridesmaid/MOH. After surprising them I got to hangout with them for a little bit, catch up, talk about wedding stuff, and what not. Again this is what I wanted to do with my girls.
Just keep in mind that while you may not have any problem speaking out and giving these speeches to these girls they will be put on the spot. They will feel loved and honored for you thinking of them.. But it could come off as if they may be pressured to have to say yes when they can't take on the role especially based on what your expectations are you know? Or maybe any finances they may have to put in. So, just make sure you know what you expect of them and if you are willing to communicate with them on that. For me, I wasn't expecting much, but for my girls to help me where it was needed on my wedding day.
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