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Savvy April 2018

Super short engagement

Kristine, on February 17, 2018 at 8:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

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So I have read a few forums here and everyone seems to be very helpful so before my anxiety gets the better of me I thought this would be the best place to get some advice.

Only close family and 2 friends know we are going to get married this year, April 22 to be precise. We are just waiting for my ring to be sized and then we will make the big announcement. So this brings me to my conundrum. Has anyone had to deal with questions like, oh are you pregnant? Why so quick? Don't you want a big wedding? And how do you think it is best to respond to things like this. I have seen friends of ours go threw this and it was very hard on the bride because she got a lot of backlash, whispers, and questions. I am just not sure how to respond without sounding like..... well a b***h. The truth is we are having such a short engagement so that my soon to be husband can be on my health insurance since he hasn't had insurance in 6 years. We have been together 6 years (9 if you count the 3 years we where together in high school) and we have been friends for 20 years so it's not like this is quick to us. It has been the plan to get married ever since we have been back together 6 years ago. We are also not doing a normal wedding we are just going to have the immediate family and our 1 friend who will be our officiant out to dinner and small private ceremony at my in-laws. Later after we move into our house (we are closing in March) and get settled we are going to have a full reception/ "I do BBQ" but April 22 will just be family. I am just not sure how to respond to the questions and comments that are going to come up in about a week when we announce everything. Any suggestions or experiences would be great to hear.

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18 Comments

Latest activity by FutureMrsN, on February 18, 2018 at 5:56 PM

Super July 2018
LibbyLane · on February 17, 2018 at 8:30 PM
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Some of my friends made no announcement until after they were actually married. Maybe do that? That way you wouldn't have to wade through all though questions and whatnot. Just "Hey, we're married now!" Like an elopement announcement, almost.
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November 2018
happeningmom · on February 17, 2018 at 8:33 PM
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Honestly people are going to say what they want...don't worry about it...You do what is right for you regardless of if its a short engagement or a long one....If someone has the guts to point blank ask you if you are pregnant you have the right to say regardless of whether I am or am not that is rude question.
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Devoted June 2018
SoKatiiee · on February 17, 2018 at 8:45 PM
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I'm having a pretty short engagement as well- and honestly, no one has really said anything about our short engagement (except for a woman at my church who is not friendly at all anyways). However, we were prepared for those questions, my fiance and I just calmly laugh and say "No! We are just ready to take on the next stage of our life!" and carry on. You can't stop people asking you- but you can decide how you are going to react to it!
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on February 17, 2018 at 8:47 PM
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You have a few options: "Did you just really ask me if I am pregnant?" Then just stare them down.
"We wanted a quick and simple wedding....so we did just that!"
Just don't get into a habit of defending your choices. You want a short engagement? You want a small wedding? Do it! You don't have to defend yourself to anyone for any reason.
I also like the previous posters idea: "Oh you can call me Mrs Stevens now - I married my man last week." (If you decide to change your name of course!) Why open yourself up to opinions?
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Savvy April 2018
Kristine · on February 17, 2018 at 8:47 PM
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That's a great response! I may have to use it for sure
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Devoted July 2018
Mrs. Terelo · on February 17, 2018 at 8:50 PM
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It's your life do what you want. People will always gossip it's human nature and people ask super rude personal questions. If it were me I would just say "this is what we wanted" and leave it at that. Frankly, it's nobody's business why you are getting married quickly and you don't haveto answer to anyone.
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Super February 2018
Married and Loving It! · on February 17, 2018 at 9:29 PM
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I like this idea! People are going to ask ridiculous questions- whether you have a large wedding (like me) or a small one. People really have no filter. Just start telling everyone yes no matter how insane lol. Ok maybe don’t do that.
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Devoted November 2018
Jazzminn · on February 17, 2018 at 9:37 PM
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I don’t have any good advice. I just wanted to say I get it, one of my best friends had a 10 week engagement. It made me sad that she had to keep defending their decision to nosy, rude people. You don’t owe anybody an explanation and you should just tell all those people you’re doing what feels right for you.
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Devoted November 2018
Jazzminn · on February 17, 2018 at 10:22 PM
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Omg people can be so rude. Even if those were your reasons I don’t get that people think it’s okay to ask about such personal matters. Manners cost nothing, people!!
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Dedicated March 2018
Shay · on February 18, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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I know how you feel but and we went through the same thing. We have been engaged for a yr almost and had to call the big wedding off and decided to just do it next month without notifying anyone but our immediate family and our witnesses. don't you want a bigger wedding? Are you pregnant? Ugh that's all we heard from his mom and sis. But I just said no this is what we want. I haven't told anyone else and I trust that this won't get out. We are also doing a bbq celebration in June for our family and friends. Just keep it to yourself until you actually get married. Its better that way. People will always have an opinion regardless but it's better to not annouce it so you can avoid the pressure and stress of not inviting everyone
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Expert October 2017
Shannon · on February 18, 2018 at 12:46 AM
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He proposed in August we got married in October. I had a friend ask if I was pregnant. I just laughed and then said no. I knew she was just kidding but my husband was annoyed by it.
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Expert May 2018
J · on February 18, 2018 at 2:30 AM
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Another option is to respond to their questions with questions to put things back on them and make them feel awkward instead of you. If they ask: are you pregnant?, you can respond: Do I look like I’m pregnant? If you’re feeling really saucy: are you pregnant? Or: are you saying I’m getting fat? If they ask: don’t you want a big wedding?, ask: why do we need to have a big wedding? If you’re feeling really saucy: are you going to help us pay for a big wedding? I don’t know if you’d be brave enough to actually say any of that, but it would be a good way to shut people up!
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Savvy April 2018
Kristine · on February 18, 2018 at 9:39 AM
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I like the question with a question response! I don't understand why it is such a big deal. Long engagement is a newer, and mostly American, thing my grandparents where engaged for about 2 months. So I don't get why it's a surprise that I would do the same.
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on February 18, 2018 at 11:14 AM
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If people are rude to you and ask prying questions you are free to be rude right back! I would probably just get married and announce that we were married. I wouldn’t announce the engagement as my wedding timeline is no ones business.

What you have planned sounds lovely!
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Super October 2018
FutureMrsN · on February 18, 2018 at 5:52 PM
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My FH and I chose to do a 2 year engagement, and will have bene together 4.2 years by the time we get married. I keep getting the "Why such a long engagement" question..basically no matter what you do, people will comment. It's like they don't know how to just say, congrats. I've been saying to people, it works for us and leaving it at that. In all honesty, we both started new jobs, and bought a house, and are paying ourselves, but I'm tired of explaining and it's frankly no one's business. I would say just tell people that it is what works for you and if they push it, be a B**** . Good luck!
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Super October 2018
FutureMrsN · on February 18, 2018 at 5:56 PM
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I could not agree with you more on this! I've had several cousins who have been through IVF and have had to try and be polite to folks who comment on them not being pregnant. It's no one's business and mind blowing that people still comment on this. Also, why do people always comment on the "next step". Like you get engaged, and it's "when is the wedding", you get married and its "when are you having kids"...can't we just enjoy this step!
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Super short engagement

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