Subtle hinting she's not a bridesmaid?

Just because you were in her bridal party doesn't mean you are obligated to have her in yours. You have chosen your party and I would just leave it at that. She will figure it out. I wouldn't start a whole conversation with her for the sole purpose of telling her she isn't a bridesmaid.

There's no easy way to have that conversation, but I would tell her. I'd say something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry but you aren't a bridesmaid. I love you and value our friendship so much, but I wasn't able to include everyone I wanted in the bridal party. I hope you can understand!"

That being said - some of my best friends who recently got married have also been asking about how my wedding planning is going and giving me suggestions. As a couple of these friends have told me, after planning a wedding you'll find that you have accumulated a TON of knowledge about how to plan a wedding that's almost completely useless now. You love getting to hear about what your friends are planning and giving advice when needed. So hopefully this friend will understand and is just asking about the wedding because she was just in your shoes and is excited for you!

I was kind of on the other side of this situation, where I was the one who thought I'd be a bridesmaid. My friend from middle school, who lived with my family twice, got married basically a month after me. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I kind of assumed I'd be in her wedding too. I never heard anything from her about it so I figured maybe she was just having a small bridal party with just her sister or something. Then when I checked out her wedding website after getting the invitation I looked at the bridal party section and she had just as many bridesmaids as I did (5). And yeah, it hurt to find out that way that I wasn't included. But honestly, I'm not sure if it would have hurt any less if she'd brought it up earlier. It might have been a little nice to have an explanation why, but I still probably would have been kind of hurt.

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I see. Your situation is exactly like my friend. I have known her since middle school, we were best friends in middle and high school. However, we grew apart once we went to college. I was actually very surprised she asked me to be in her bridal party of 7. I didn't feel special at all since all 7 BMs are friends. I don't think I will explain to her bc the truth will hurt. I just don't feel close to her at all. After we went to college, we pretty much only see each other once a year. We talked a lot more last year only because of her wedding since I am crazily obsessed with all weddings related. She doesn't know me well, while the rest of my friends' BM know me very well. My friends' BMs had been through the good and bad with me. Sad to say, but I have never thought of having her as my BM. There's always a reason, but sometimes it's better not to talk about it.

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Thank you!

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Hopefully she's just excited! Haha. Thank you!

I wouldn't say anything unless she directly asks. It's rude for anyone to assume they're in anyone's bridal party. Don't feel bad for gently letting her know she's unable to be a BM!

Depending on how guilty you feel, you could ask her to have some other role. I've found that in general, people just want to be involved, and to be thanked. Maybe a reader or an usher or something?

But I know there are sooooo many people who need to be "honored" in some way.