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Beginner October 2020

Struggling with my moh

Lindsey, on August 17, 2020 at 2:08 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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Hello all... looking for some advice. When I got engaged I quickly knew I wanted one of my best friends to be my MOH, we had great memories together and I’ve literally known her all of my life. But throughout all of the planning she has been so hands off. Whenever I text her it takes her days to respond, once I asked on like Tuesday or Wednesday if we could do breakfast on that coming Sunday to go over some things and get her opinion and she didn’t text me back until that Sunday night to say she couldn’t make it... she skipped out on my taste testing the day of because it was starting an hour later than scheduled and she wanted to hang out with her brothers girlfriend. She texted 6 days before my bridal shower saying her cousin had been diagnosed with Covid and she had seen her the previous week and hadn’t gotten her test results back yet if she had it or not (didn’t have any symptoms or anything) But she didn’t even text me that day to say have fun and that she was sorry she couldn’t be there... also turn around for tests in my state has been same day testing and 3 days to get results at most and I find it strange she said it took a week to get her test and results. When it came to the shower invites she said she sent them out a week before she actually did (they were postmarked a week after she told me she dropped them off). And now she just texted another of my bridesmaids to say she couldn’t find any hotels for the bachelorette party and was asking her to look into it... I just don’t know what to do. It’s 55 days before my wedding and she hasn’t had any eagerness to help with anything and has not once checked in on me if there’s anything she could help with or anything I needed... my other 2 bridesmaids have been so helpful in everything. I’m struggling with if I should strip her of her title and give it to my other friend who has been super hands on and helping or just let it be?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on August 17, 2020 at 7:42 PM

Dedicated August 2021
Alyssa · on August 17, 2020 at 2:51 PM
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I would say to give it to your other bridesmaids that have been hands on and is able to provide you with the help you need.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on August 17, 2020 at 3:48 PM
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What you do next depends on whether you want to keep your friendship with her after your wedding. If you are OK with letting the friendship go, then you can "strip her of her title". If you want to maintain the friendship, I would keep everyone's titles the way they are, and just move forward with your planning, not expecting your MOH to do much more than show up to your wedding.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on August 17, 2020 at 4:13 PM
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Just know if you strip her of the title then you will likely end a friendship. If that’s OK, then ask her to step down, but I wouldn’t replace her, I’d go without a MOH
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 17, 2020 at 4:27 PM
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I would just leave her title as is if you still want her in your wedding party anyway.
unless you are asking if it's ok to take her out of your party overall?
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on August 17, 2020 at 6:55 PM
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I think you’re looking further into this than you need to OP, if I can be honest. Your MOH is not obligated to do anything except for turn up to your wedding and be supportive. If she helps out with planning and other ancillary things, that’s totally ok, but you cannot expect it of her. Personally I think it’s quite unreasonable that you are frustrated she didn’t text you on the day of your bridal shower to have fun, it’s completely trivial.
Your MOH sent out your bridal shower invites later than she told you, and I’m assuming she dropped the ball a little and didn’t want to disappoint you because they were delayed. Being part of someone’s bridal party is not a job.

I think you’re going to throw away a long lasting friendship by demoting her, remember, you are a friend first, bride second. Your wedding day will come and go but your friendship can be forever ruined if you strip her of her title, especially over such minor things (imho), but the ball is in your court here OP.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on August 17, 2020 at 7:42 PM
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Your maid of honor isn't required to help with anything. The only requirement is for her to show up on your wedding day in the requested attire. Like another poster said, stripping her of the title of maid of honor would be a friendship ending move. I think you need to adjust your expectations.
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