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Struggling in the relationship?

Sarah, on November 21, 2019 at 1:03 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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My fiancée and I have been together for 11 years. We’ve always had ups and downs and have gotten through them and here we are. I am bipolar which causes my moods to swing even though I am treated with medication and therapy and it sometimes puts a strain on our relationship. Since January my fiancée has been dealing with a pretty severe injury and no doctor has helped him so far besides giving a diagnosis and he has to wait another month for a consult with a surgeon. He’s constantly in pain and it makes it hard for us to be intimate, even with just hugs or cuddling. Additionally I just lost my job and we are struggling financially. We are constantly at odds despite being in therapy and I am feeling so sad. We’ve been engaged for a year and I’ve gotten a lot done but it feels like he’s lost his enthusiasm for the whole thing and it makes me upset to think he’s not as excited as I am. It’s taking the joy out of planning. I know this is the man I want to be with. I just need to know I’m not the only one struggling in the days leading up to the wedding. I feel alone and isolated. I’m sorry for the long post. Thanks for listening and for any feedback 💜


Latest activity by Alejandra, on November 22, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you and your FH have just been dealt some really crappy hands lately and it's putting a strain on your relationship, which is totally understandable. That definitely doesn't mean you two aren't right for each other, stress can take a heck of a toll on us individually and in our relationships. I'm sorry you're both going through such difficult times, but just remember that you still have each other through all of this. I'm sure your fiancé only seems unenthusiastic about the wedding because of everything else that's been going on, it's probably the last thing on his mind right now (because of all the stress). Don't let that discourage you in your planning, but do take some time to step back and focus your efforts on the struggles you're both facing right now. You have plenty of time to plan, I promise. Be sure to lean on each other through these difficult times and you'll come out stronger on the other side. I hope your fiancé gets the medical help he needs and that you find another job soon! Try to keep your head up, I know it's tough sometimes. Smiley heart

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like you both have a lot on your plates right now. It’s completely normal to have dips in the excitement level when planning a wedding. Since traditionally the planning is done by the girls, it is not uncommon for the guy to seem disinterested. He may not have anything he has to do right now that’s wedding related for you to see his excitement. However if you’re concerned about going through with the wedding because of feelings either of you are having, I suggest you discuss that when you go to therapy.
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal Online ·
    • Flag

    If your fiance is struggling following a severe injury that isn't yet being properly treated, I wouldn't take his lack of enthusiasm as anything more than the poor guy is miserable. I had a massive surgery several years ago. For six months, it was all I could do to get through the day. If I were you, I'd focus on helping him manage until he can get appropriately diagnosed and treated, and in the meantime maintain your own schedule of appointments to manage your mental health concerns as best you can. Are you aware of an organization called NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)? It is an AMAZING organization that offers all kinds of free resources for those living with mental illness and for those who love them. They have classes and support groups for people, like you, who are living with mental illness, and for their family members. Given his own health issues, FH may not be up to getting involved now, but that doesn't mean you couldn't benefit from their classes and support groups. It might give you a place to feel less alone. There are local chapters in every state. Google "NAMI.com" and you can find your way to online and face-to-face resources. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Super November 2019
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    Keep your head up and power through. I am so sorry you've been dealt blow after blow but you'll make it through, just like you always have. My husband's mother passed 6 weeks before our wedding, inoperable/untreatable cancer so we knew it was coming for 6 months. I didn't want to do a thing with my wedding in the last 3 months... I put off everything I could, and my usually very cheerleader-y husband was practically a ghost, which I completely understand. Even the week of, I kept asking myself why we were even doing all this etc. etc... I'd say even the day of I had that thought. But once those doors opened and I got to walk down the aisle to him, everything else just floated away and I was in complete bliss. The entire rest of the night through dinner and the reception and the post-reception activities were amazing! I was so happy! There was a hole in my heart from our loss but we made sure her presence was felt and I couldn't imagine how sad I would have been if I had just threw in the towel like I had wanted, especially knowing how special the entire night turned out to be.

    Hang in there girl! Power through, not everyone's wedding story is blissful, it's the trials that make it all that much more special.

    • Reply
  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
    • Flag

    My fiance and I had similar issues. 5 months into our relationship I found out I had to have brain surgery. That sped up our relationship timeline by a lot. He moved in with me right away to help me. What was supposed to be an uneventful 3-6 week recovery turned into a very eventful (bad) 6 month recovery time. I was off work the whole time. He was off work having to take care of me almost that whole time. We had to move in the middle of my recovery. We were barely surviving on just my short term disability checks...we ended up splitting up for a month a little over a year into our relationship. We used that time to work on actually have a relationship. We actually talked on the phone, went on dates, and reminded ourselves why we wanted to be together. It worked out in our case. He proposed a few months after we got back together and things have been great since. You need to have a conversation about how you are feeling and get to the root of the issues on both sides and commit to working on improving them. Communication is key. Keep your head up!

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  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    Yeah, you have bigger fish to fry before wedding planning. If he is in pain or worried a out finances, the last thing he will want to discuss is an expensive wedding that is causing him stress. Get your finances and health in line and the rest will fall into place. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super March 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    Oh wow. First of all, hugs to both of you. NONE of what you’re going through is easy. I think it makes sense to struggle through. Find other ways to create intimacy - holding hands, just kissing, kissing each other’s bodies, whatever you can do. And remember that you’ll get though this with patience, understanding, and love.
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