Stressed out about Rsvps and Wedding Guests

My wedding is Oct 19. Our RSVP due date is tomorrow and I still haven’t heard from 63 people. I plan to contact them this weekend.

You’re gonna have to reach out to people on a personal level and point blank ask them if they can make it. Call them, text them, message them on Facebook. I have realized through my RSVP experience that people just downright SUCK at sending back RSVPs. I had to “chase” down several people and almost all of them are coming, but couldn’t be troubled to write their names on a postcard (with a stamp already on it for them), check the bubble for accepts or declines, then stick it in their mailbox and raise the flag. I made it so simple and they still couldn’t do it. BUT... when I reached out to all of them... yeah, they’re coming. I don’t know where they get off thinking that not RSVPing ans showing up anyway is okay, but whatever. Anyway, I know how frustrated to you are, but just wait a few days after the deadline and then start asking people if they’re coming or not. Just politely explain that your final headcount are due to your vendors and you need a definite yes or no now.

Sometimes people forget to RSVP, sometimes people misplace their invitation or never receive it in the first place. It's frustrating, but it doesn't mean that they don't care about you. Reach out to the non-RSVPers after the deadline has passed.

Sorry you are going through this and I had the same thing. I didn’t realize how challenging it was to get adults to rsvp to a wedding. Ours is next week and we called a person who rsvp (2) but heard they weren’t coming. We called, said our final count is due, he changed it to maybe 1. It is a close family member and not my side so I couldn’t say what I wanted, lol. Hopefully people get back to you.

I definitely agree about people misplacing the invitations. We also had several that were lost in the mail so they didn't even know about it. I would set aside some time and start calling to confirm your yeses and nos.

Yeah, it sucks, but it sounds like you'll have some texting and calling to do this weekend. We invited 100 people, and had 25 or so who hadn't RSVP'd by our due date. Some of them had website errors (that I checked and confirmed - not sure exactly what went wrong but you couldn't search for their name), some swore they had already RSVP'd but definitely hadn't, and some just forgot/misplaced the invite. I had a text typed out that I basically just copied and pasted to everyone who hadn't responded saying that we were past the RSVP date and trying to get a headcount and realized we hadn't heard from them, and asked if they were going to be able to make it. If you're worried about getting those numbers by a certain time/think that people will try to wait and think about it, give them a deadline and say that if you haven't heard from them by then, you'll assume they're not coming.

That you haven’t heard back from everyone yet does not in ANY WAY mean that people don’t care about you or your wedding. People are just bad at RSVPing. Many people also view the rsvp deadline as the day to drop it in the mail (we received SO MANY RSVPs 3-5 days after our rsvp date— clearly people had mailed them THAT day, probably after business hours at the post office). Having to track people down is just an annoying part of the process. But, it doesn’t have anything to do with your day, which will be FILLED with love and excitement despite people being terrible at rsvping.

We had about the same number of people not RSVP to us so we reached out to each person to get an answer. Not sure why you paid in advance for 100 people but I would definitely reach out to each person wheter it is by Facebook, email or call.

people are so bad at RSVP now a days you just unfortunately have to chase them for their answers.

I know a lot of people deal with this, so sharing what we did, we sent out an email 2 weeks before the RSVP deadline to remind people to RSVP. A good chunk of RSVPs came in within 24 hours and for the remaining 8, I'm going to contact directly. Ours is a bit different because our RSVP is a form on our website, which makes it easier, but sending out this email was a nice reminder for people. As others have mentioned, people just forget or think they have forever to do it.

I'm so sorry you're stressing about this--just realize that people do care even if they can sometimes be careless in their actions! We were waiting on 45 people the week they were due and we got them all in with a few days of the deadline--it'll work out!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this! I know the exact feeling. I feel the same way about my wedding from time to time. It just feels like an impending disaster of sorts but then I think it'll be okay.

The way I've been able to see things is, this will give you an opportunity to see who should matter in your life. On top of that at the end of the day it'll only be one day in what should be the start of many bigger and better days in your life. At the end of the wedding, no matter who shows and doesn't show you get to leave the day behind you hand in hand with your best friend in the world.

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I feel the same Ellie! I agree with you.

I'm sorry you're so upset! RSVPing is honestly a lost custom - people just set the reply card aside and totally forget about it. No one realizes how annoying that is until its their own event! I completely understand why it's frustrating, but try to find the good in it! Even if its a smaller wedding than you wanted, you know the people who show up do care and want to celebrate with you! You can still have a great day with them!

I paid for 100 people for catering because our original guest list was 140 people and I knew we would add on but not take away guests. I've already paid for and bought centerpieces for seating for 100 and I feel so dumb because 100 people will not be there. I know several people have not RSVP'd but I doubt any of those people who have not RSVP'd will come. I am no longer excited for the wedding. I have wasted so much money on a dress, decorations, food, photographer, DJ for what? And I feel like an idiot. My wedding is October 12th and something I used to be excited for I wish would never happen. I don't want this wedding anymore because no one cares about me or my fiancee.