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Savvy October 2022

Stressed about invites

Kika, on July 6, 2019 at 10:48 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi, so backstory. My FH and I both come from a huge family, my parents have 14 siblings amongst them and his family has about 8 (not including SO). Our venue we picked only allows us to have 120 people, I did that on purpose because I don’t want a big wedding to begin with! Now it’s coming to the time where we are picking our invite list and I had to make some difficult choices about who not to invite. We went down from 250 to now 130! I kept friends on my list because honestly I talk to them way more than my own family. I feel bad that not all of my cousins, aunts/uncles are invited but at the same time we are paying for it ourselves so we had to do what we had to do. Am I bad person to not invite all of my family? My mom is upset that some people aren’t invited and so is my FMIL. Heeelp feeling stressed and not wanting to do this wedding next year because of all the drama (this is just a pinch of drama that happened and I’ve only been engaged for a month!)

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Devin, on July 6, 2019 at 3:29 PM

Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 6, 2019 at 10:57 AM
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Nope, you’re fine. I would consider inviting family in “circles” though. For example, no cousins (unless in your wedding party). All or no aunts/uncles. If you invite some and not others on the same circle level, there will likely be drama or at least hurt feelings.
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Savvy October 2022
Kika · on July 6, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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So I have over 80 cousins on my moms side alone. I’m only close to one of them...I know sad. I’m inviting her but not her sister, but I don’t talk to her sister. Same with aunts and uncles. I’m close to like some but not other, but I also don’t want to hurt my dads feelings by not inviting his brothers.
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on July 6, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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You are NOT a bad person for not inviting everyone. Don't budge on your decision.. since you are newly engaged, this could be the beginning of instances where your mother/MIL will push things on you. Put your foot down now. Your wedding is your/FH's day, not an opportunity for a family reunion on your dime. You can acknowledge their feelings but remind them that it was a tough choice to make and that it has to be that way.
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Expert August 2019
N · on July 6, 2019 at 11:18 AM
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I agree with PP. You have to make these decisions and it might be better not to include the mothers on who is or isn’t on the list for a bit. It has only been a month and maybe you should step back from it for now. They do need to respect your wishes and know that this is NOT a family reunion tyvm.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on July 6, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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Nope. My parents have over 60 aunts and uncles. Some of their cousins are closer in age to me than they are my parents. I'm inviting the cousins and aunts and uncles I'm close to and talk to on a regular basis. There is no way or reason I could or should invite my entire family.
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Savvy October 2022
Kika · on July 6, 2019 at 11:48 AM
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Thanks guys. This actually did help. I just needed to hear that what I’m doing is okay. I’m proud of getting my list down from so many people. There’s been too much stress already, like my FH’s uncle who is so mad at us because it’s not a church, he’s a priest too.
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Expert August 2019
Sherrie · on July 6, 2019 at 2:08 PM
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Nope youre not a bad person! Invite people you're close to and want there. Those are the people you'll be glad shared in your important day Hang in there!
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Super October 2019
Devin · on July 6, 2019 at 3:29 PM
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Totally fine! I’m only inviting 1 aunt and 1 uncle on my dads side, non on my moms. I do have a few family friends that are more of a aunt/uncle coming then I do blood family.
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