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Erin
Beginner May 2020

Stress

Erin, on February 8, 2020 at 11:13 PM Posted in Planning 0 8
How do you deal with all the stress of everyone trying to take over the wedding? Like I'm trying to be polite about it and even have compromised with some stuff but it's getting to be to much. I wanted a small wedding but my future mother in law is trying to invite everyone and their dogs. Everytime I try to talk to her about to she tries to play the guilt card.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Wanted, on May 21, 2021 at 5:48 AM
  • Sarah
    Dedicated March 2021
    Sarah ·
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    So sorry you’re going through this, my FMIL has already called our wedding “her” wedding and not in a mean way or like a controlling way it’s just because she’s so excited which I get and she has every right to be and she also has no daughters so i understand I’m the most daughter figure she has. But at the end of the day she still does get a little overwhelming and says things like “oh no I don’t like that” and makes her opinions known but I just say it’s my wedding and if it’s what I want and what we want to pay for then that’s what it should be because it’s about what you and your FH wants. Some things to say to her if money is a big thing with you guys then say we can’t afford that many people at the wedding or just tell her that you and your FH wanted it to be personal and small and you don’t need a big wedding and she should understand that and even if she doesn’t like it she can’t change what’s not hers to change. Sorry for this being so long but I hope it helped, good luck!
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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    I'm sorry you're stressed. I'm dealing with it by not tolerating it. My favorite phrases have become "that doesn't work for us," "I appreciate the input, but that's won't work," "We'll take that into consideration" (and then definitely doing what we want to do), and the classic "no."


    Is FMIL contributing financially to the wedding? If not, it's very easy to say "that doesn't work for our numbers," or "our finances won't allow for that many people."

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  • Erin
    Beginner May 2020
    Erin ·
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    That's the problem. Everytime I tell her no she just says she'll pay for it. She doesn't understand why I dont want a huge wedding with a bunch of people I dont even know
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I would stop telling people things. I didn't tell my mom much about the process because I knew she would be really judgy and opinionated
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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Definitely tough. I'd fall back on the "that isn't going to work for us," and then changing the subject. Additionally, I agree with PP about not keeping her in the loop anymore. I know a lot of brides and grooms try to incorporate family into the planning as courtesy or to be nice/familial, but it's really unnecessary. Deflecting the topic off of your wedding and onto other interests of hers/family news/etc. can be a life-saver for these situations.


    Additionally, it's good to remind yourself that your family is not entitled to a say (or to be included in planning) in your wedding just because they're family.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    We paid for our own wedding and didn’t share any details. No problems.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Like the others have said I would not discuss wedding planning with her. If she tries to bring it up just steer the conversation another way. Plus. I think this is a job for your future husband to step in and talk to his mom and just let her know that her vision is great and that you both appreciate her help, but her vision is not what you to imagine and that she would like you guys to scale back. Don't let the guilt trips work. You need to start taking control of this wedding now.
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    This has happened to me in the planning process. My family wants to invite every single person we’ve ever looked at, his family is concerned we are spending too much money, and everyone has something to say. For my side of things, I politely but firmly say we are going to invite who we can afford and unless they are willing to pay for themselves (or someone else is paying for them), then we just can’t have them there. My parents haven’t offered up any help with money though so that part is easy because they immediately get quiet. With HIS family, they ARE helping us out, so we just tell them that we aren’t doing anything that isn’t in our best interests and that’s it. It’s your wedding. While it’s nice to have others’ input on some aspects, sometimes it’s too much. If people are going to act like that, you can simple say you’d prefer to not speak about it.
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