Strained Relationship with My Mother

Hi! I feel a little silly posting about this because I never talk about it. Sometimes it is easier to get advice from strangers from the internet, right?


My mom and I have a very difficult relationship. She is the type of person to criticize every person she encounters, and then hold that judgement for every time she sees them. For example, in 4th grade a friend “stole” a cookie from me. To this day if I mention her, my mother has a look of disgust on her face because of that one incident. Stuff like this led me to never tell my mom anything about me or my life.
To this day, I HATE sharing any details about my life with my mom. I graduated from college as a triple major and have a great job — I don’t think my mom could even tell you what field I work in. I guess you could say it’s because I don’t share, but she also doesn’t ask. It’s a catch 22.
My mom did not come to my high school or college graduations, yet she showed up to my high school sport’s senior night because she wanted to be recognized for all of HER efforts. What efforts because she never even came to any of my games? Oh, and she will send my best friend who lives 1,000 miles away a birthday gift every year and I don’t even get a HBD text.
I still have contact with my mom only because I have a 12 year old sister who I want to maintain a relationship with. I call my mom out of necessity sometimes for various medial or financial information. The conversations are always cordial. We kind of stay out of each other’s way and don’t argue like we used to when I still lived at home.
When I got engaged I didn’t even want to tell her, but my fiancé made me at least text her. I truly believe she is happy for me, but the response was just, “congrats.” Then she sent my fiancé a long, nice text.
THE POINT OF MY POST is, do I invite her to the wedding?
Because of me wanting my sister there, she will know about it. Again, I don’t like her knowing anything about my life and it makes my skin crawl thinking about her seeing my interact with people I truly enjoy and care about. She has also never met my fiancé’s parents in the four years we have been together (that has been on purpose). A large point is that I never want them to meet. I don’t know why. I think I don’t want my fiancé’s perfect family to see what I come from.
One reason to invite my mom is that I know I will never hear the end of it. There is also a slight chance she will show up anyway and rub it in my face that she is there.
I guess writing this out makes me lean towards not inviting her. I know I won’t ever wish I had her there. I just wonder if it’s worth the life of misery of her never letting it go.
Does anyone have experience with not inviting their mother to their wedding?
What makes me that most sad is that, especially for our wedding, I desperately want a mom, just not MY mom.