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Just Said Yes March 2025

Still waiting for the proposal

Busy, on June 12, 2023 at 11:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 13
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I am at a lost and need advice. I hate that I still feel this way but I can't stop being annoyed that I don't have my ring yet.


I have been with my boyfriend (I hate that word) for over 8 years now. We have 3 wonderful kids, 2 good careers and a gorgeous house. Our relationship is very healthy, we honestly have never had an argument and are on the same page with the same priorities. There is virtually no reason to not be married now. We decided at first that having a child was more of a priority than getting married so we didn't want to do it before having our first baby. Then we thought let's wait until we are done our family as we didn't want wedding pictures with just some of our kids on them.
But now here we are. Our family has been done for a year and I still don't have my ring. I am sick of calling him my boyfriend, feeling like we are 14 years old. Or people questioning if he is the father of my child because I called him boyfriend (!!!). I don't care about a wedding, I just want to be married. He always take 10 000 years to make a simple decision so I know he will probably need 2 years of thinking about it before he end up starting to think about buying a ring, then 1 year to pick it and 1 year to decide how he will propose. I wish I was kidding. He wants to get married, he knows how important it is to me and to our kids, yet I fear it will never happen.
How can I shrug off that feeling and just be content with being only boyfriend/girlfriend forever ? I am usually the one to make the decisions, but I don't really want to have to buy my own ring just to make it happen. I designed it and show him the picture but that's about as far as I can take it without being weird and removing that "surprise" feeling.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Michael, on June 12, 2023 at 2:26 PM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Have you talked to him recently to ask where his thoughts are on marriage, and if marriage is something he wants, what timeline he's considering? Does he want to be married in the next 1-2 years, or if not, what is his hesitation on marriage at this point in time? That discussion may help get both of you on the same page. Another option is you could always propose to him!
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Propose to him! There is no reason a man has to be the one to propose, or that a woman has to sit around and wait patiently. You’re ready, so take the leap and ask him!
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2025
    Busy ·
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    I won't propose to him as he likes to be "the man". I know he wouldn't be happy about me proposing and I don't want to put him on the spot. To be honest there's no real reason. I believe it's just not a priority for him right now so he rather think about other things like the never ending to do list. When I asked he said a couple of times that he didn't know the process, or anything about rings. To be honest I am scare of him getting scam at the jewelry store hence why I started researching and send him picture of the one I specifically wants.


    He also joked a couple of times that he doesn't have money for a ring but again that's an excuse. We more than have the money to buy 10 of the rings I want. So honestly I don't know. I feel like getting married isn't a priority for him but it is for me. He isn't oppose to the idea though. One of my kids started harassing him about being mommy a ring and getting married. I was hoping it would work but not .. lol
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2025
    Busy ·
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    One of our friend propose to their (then) boyfriend and he thought that was very weird and not normal. He wouldn't like that whatsoever. Otherwise I would have done it a long time ago
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    That’s concerning. This relationship (and engagement) shouldn’t just be about what your boyfriend wants. It should also be about what YOU want. And YOU want to be engaged. If your SO is dragging their feet, and you are tired of waiting, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t propose in a healthy relationship. In the words of Beyoncé … if he liked it, then he shoulda put a ring on it!

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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Respectfully, he isn’t being a man because he hasn’t made a commitment to you.
    I would sit him down and let him know that this is what you deserve and need in the relationship.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    It seems like a lot of his concerns are about the ring. You don’t need a ring to get engaged/married. Many couples, myself included, decided to get married and the ring came after. It’s actually not uncommon for couples to go ring shopping together so that it’s certain that you like the ring. If I were you, I’d have the conversation about marriage, without mentioning a ring. The way my husband and I got engaged was by having a discussion of what our goals were for the next few years, and we both agreed that getting married was part of that. If he still keeps bringing up the ring, then the ring is likely a cover for something else he’s less comfortable talking about as his hesitation for getting married.
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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    Clearly he knows marriage is important for you. Is this a make or break? If so, you need to let him know and communicate that. What are his hold ups? If he has none, then you need to let him know you want to be married by (just as an example) by the end of the year. No muss no fuss, go down to the courthouse one morning in some nice clothes and get married. If he wants a wedding, set a date and do not let him skimp on planning and you make decisions. I will be honest, if he still skirts around the subject, then you need to accept that marriage may never happen and only you can decide where to go from there. Stay or move on. You said he's slow at making decisions. He knows by now if he does or does not wat to get married.

    Also, you don't have to call him boyfriend if you don't want to. You can call him partner or fiancé. Just because you don't have a ring doesn't mean one is not engaged. It means you don't have a ring. I have two couple friends who don't wear wedding rings but they are still married. They don't need them. I am not saying you should forgo the ring, you just seem caught up on the "boyfriend" title.

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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2025
    Busy ·
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    I understand your point of view. I slightly disagree in the sense that I feel like he committed to me a lot more than by getting married. We have 3 children that to me is a much bigger commitment then a wedding. That's why I guess I don't understand what is taking so long. I will just need to have a serious conversation one day when the kids are sleeping and see what we are waiting for/timeline he is thinking about and try to find a middle ground where everybody is happy.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2025
    Busy ·
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    Thank you, I appreciate it. I truly want to be married to this man. It would suck if it doesn't happen but I will not break my good relationship and my family for a wedding.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    With all due respect, he did not make a commitment to you when he procreated with you. He made a commitment to your children. He can still very easily walk away from you and the relationship at any moment. Marrying you would not only give you a formal commitment, but it also provides stability for you and your children. I agree you need to have an open, honest conversation with him. Let him know that you are ready to take the next steps, which the two of you have already spoken about. Let him know that you are so excited to be a formal family unit, that you even thought about proposing to him! Maybe hearing that will light a fire under his @$$ to pop the question (since you said he would feel emasculated if you were to beat him to it).
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    A ring does not make you engaged. Talking seriously about wanting to be married each other does. Open the lines of communication.
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael Online ·
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    Maybe just ask if there is anything stopping you and he from just doing a quick courthouse marriage. Maybe a short vacation for this, as an alternative. One thing that sometimes happens is that people can be afraid that the step of marriage could cause things to go wrong -- which would be illogical but such thoughts happen. But the initial question may help with the communications.

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