Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated March 2020

Still Bi-

Tamsin, on May 9, 2019 at 10:42 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 12

Saved

Flag
Hide content

This is more of a vent, than any sort of question but it has been rattling around in my head for a while.

I’m bisexual and happen to be marrying a man. I have never felt the need to ‘come out’. I very much fall within the, my sexuality isn’t for public consumption camp and have just never felt the urge. I have been incredibly private with my love life with everyone (to the point that FH is the first person I ever introduced to friends/family), it just isn’t something that I have been interested in sharing. Never hid it but never actively shared.

I have realised that in the process of planning a wedding that the natural assumption with most people is that I’m straight. Which in itself is fuelling the issue of ‘I don’t have the need to tell you my sexuality but don’t assume’. Plus then mildly feeding a slight feeling of ‘can I still call myself bisexual if I get to benefit from the privilege of people assuming I’m straight and when I’m married to a man’

as as I said no question, but felt like I had to put it down somewhere.

Flag
Hide content

12 Comments

Latest activity by Erin, on July 21, 2019 at 11:43 PM

Champion June 2019
Gen · on May 9, 2019 at 10:49 AM
Flag

Hide content
That’s so frustrating I am so sorry you are dealing with this your identity isn’t any less valid because you happen to be marrying a man! I have a friend who was born a girl but they identify as non-binary and pansexual, and they recently got married to a man. Their mother in law started calling them a “spoiled privileged straight white girl” and accused them of just crying for attention 🙄 What, do you have to marry a woman just to prove that your identity is valid?? Insane. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and I am glad you realize you don’t need other people’s validation!
- Reply
Devoted November 2019
Nicole · on May 9, 2019 at 11:13 AM
Flag

Hide content
This is the hardest part of being bi or pan and having a monogamous hetero relationship. It can feel a little like you're erasing part of your identity. I have a friend who identifies as "Bi, but functionally straight" as she's been married to a man for 30+ years. But I agree with PP, your current relationship does not wholly define you. If you feel the need to "come out" in order to preserve that part of your identity, more power to you. If not, that's your choice too. You're valid whether you are out or not.
It's really frustrating, and I'm hoping that since you know these feels you'll use whatever perceived privilege you have to speak out for other folx who might be struggling with similar issues
- Reply
Super September 2019
Alyssa · on May 9, 2019 at 12:02 PM
Flag

Hide content
I'm sorry this is something you are struggling with! I have a family member who was engaged to a man and then called it off and is now happily dating a female. Your current, or past, relationships do not define you. They have created and formed you into who you are today but they by no means define you! It's ultimately your choice to decide if you want your orientation to stay a part of your life secretly or publicly. I hope you find some peace in knowing that there is no wrong way to go about this and truly, no one can tell you otherwise! You have the right to handle this however you want and I know you will find the right way to do so!
- Reply
VIP September 2019
Lex · on May 9, 2019 at 12:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
Yes to all of this!
Im also bisexual, but have only been in relationships with men. I have had a few people tell me that I can’t be bi anymore, since I’m getting married. It’s very frustrating, especially since I just came out. My FH is extremely supportive in all of this, I hope yours is too.
- Reply
Savvy October 2019
Lauren · on May 9, 2019 at 12:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
Of course you can still identify as bi! I hope you do!
- Reply
WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
Jo · on May 9, 2019 at 1:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your identity is your identity regardless of your partner. You of course can still call yourself bisexual. I'm sorry this has been troubling you but really glad you felt like you could share it with us.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Elyssa · on May 9, 2019 at 3:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
I know how you feel. I'm pan and marrying a man, and when I made my yearly Facebook post for National Coming Out Day (because people usually assume I'm straight and I think visibility is important), my fiance's family freaked.
I don't know if they knew before or not, but everyone assumed that it spelled the end of our relationship, which is silly because I've never been straight, and I've never tried to hide it.
You're still you, regardless of you who date, marry, have sex or don't have sex with. Your sexuality is valid and defined by you alone, no matter what. I'm happy to chat if you want to for support, and I hope you feel more comfortable with the situation soon. It's gonna be okay. ♥️
- Reply
Master May 2020
Tara · on May 9, 2019 at 3:49 PM
Flag

Hide content
May I ask for clarification? Are you saying that it upsets you when people assume you’re hereto since you’re marrying a man?
- Reply
Devoted April 2022
Sarah · on May 9, 2019 at 9:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
As a fellow bi person I can somewhat relate, but as a bi person who’s only dated cis women I can’t fully. I can say, though, that you’re still bi and will be bi for as long as you feel like that label fits you best. You’re every bit as queer as any other member of the community, and anyone who tells you otherwise can take their gatekeeping elsewhere ❤️💜💙
- Reply
Super June 2019
Tiffany · on May 10, 2019 at 9:53 AM
Flag

Hide content
You are still bisexual if you marry a man or a woman. I am bi and marrying a man but that doesn’t change that I identify as bisexual. I am in a monogamous relationship with him. Before we started dating I had actually planned to date women exclusively after my divorce. Love comes regardless of gender or good timing imo.
Thank you for feeling comfortable to share here. Hugs!
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Beth · on July 21, 2019 at 9:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
You 👏🏼 Are 👏🏼 Not 👏🏼 Alone 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 This Has been taking up a lot of my mental space recently because of erasure, and having a public life that could end up being published in the paper or effecting my work. I’ve been listing in to the coming Out podcast to hear more about other people’s stories and experiences as I decide what is best for me and my family. ❤️💜💙
Thank you to all who have commented. It’s therapeutic to hear similar stories.
- Reply

VIP September 2023
Erin · on July 21, 2019 at 11:43 PM
Flag

Hide content
I have the same problem. I always told myself I would come out to my family if I ever started dating a woman seriously, and it never happened, so it never came up. I find myself wanting to tell my parents more, and more, not because it really matters in the grand scheme of things, but because I feel like they deserve to know the real me, even though I'm marrying a man. I don't really know what to do either.
- Reply