Sticky family situation...uninviting guests?! Please advise!

Yeah I would expect adults to be able to behave in the same room for one day.

Edit: If they can't get along, I'm inclined to agree with CK since invites haven't gone out.

Super petty of his mom to threaten to not attend.

Something to think about if you don't invite them though, if they're willing to "crash" a funeral wouldn't they be willing to crash your wedding?

It may just be better to invite them if you really think they'll crash it and make a scene.

I'm sorry you're experiencing OP! My FFIL is also threatening to not attend because my FI and I aren't doing things his way... I agree with PPs, it's more important to have your FMIL there than an aunt and cousin, especially if your FI doesn't care. One of my friend's sisters is getting married and their father is saying he won't go if they don't allow his gf to go...and there's a lot of drama there and another long story.

My FFIL and his sister don't really like each other but my FI and I cleared with them that it would be okay if they were invited because it was important to my FI (this is not the reason FFIL is threatening non-attendance, we just aren't doing things to his standard of "right" in general).

It's always petty when adults play this game of manipulation... The invites haven't gone out yet, it's unfortunate in a way but it's not worth drama to invite the aunt and cousin.

If anything is said, just say you needed their addresses, to send out announcements (after the wedding), to the people you were unable to invite. (We have drama with an aunt that no one can stand, too).

If they can't be civil at a funeral, they won't be at a wedding. Save the relationship with FIL and don't invite them.

I would say cut them from the list but be ready for them to crash the wedding

Just curious, are you having an intimate wedding? Would they have contact throughout the night?

Like CK, my FH's indifference would make me say forget it and not invite his aunt. However, it would concern me that my MIL is having a bit of a temper tantrum in order to get her way by threatening not to show. She is an important part of the day, but should be reminded the day is not about her.

If your FH doesn't care whether they're invited or not, then don't invite them. That's super petty of his mom though.

I would play off the asking for addresses thing by sending an Easter card or something instead, unless you specifically said it was for a wedding invitation.

If your FH doesn't care then you don't have to invite them. But is there a reason why he included them on his list in the first place - ie. Did he feel obligated because they're family?

If you do invite them and they RSVP yes, maybe you could seat FMIL at a different table from his aunt and her family so they wouldn't have to socialize.

But I hope they're able to put aside their differences for one day to celebrate your marriage.

Good luck!!

If you feel fine with not inviting them and so does your FH then I would not even worry about, all that matters is that you are happy on your big day. His mom should really look past it and not threaten but my mom has done the same thing but I told her it is my day and she needs to get over it, which she did.

But saving so much money on 9 spaces should help saying no a little bit easier, personally if they would crash a funeral I would never even think to invite them in the first place.

Is your FMIL being a little dramatic? To threaten to not attend her own son's wedding because someone she dislikes will be there sounds a little over the top IMO (?) I don't know the entire situation, obviously, but it's one day...adults should be able to manage it. And I really think she is bluffing and will attend...she might be uncomfortable but I highly doubt she would miss the wedding bc of that.

Anyway...it sounds like no matter what you do there will be some drama here :/ If you invite them, there's the obvious issue with your FMIL. If you don't invite them a) they might crash it and it will be super awkward, or b) they might get very offended and build resentment. It's your FH's family so he should have some insight on what to do. If he is really, wholeheartedly, indifferent, then they are not that close and you do not have to invite them. You "unfortunately" and "regretfully" had to make cuts due to the budget....

Don't worry about having asked for addresses-- THAT is not a social commitment. STDs and invitations are. I'm with everyone else. If your FH doesn't, and you don't want them there, don't invite them. Whether your FMIL wants them seems irrelevant to me, but it is one more vote in the 'don't invite them' column.

If your FH doesn't care, then don't invite them.

Sooooo where to start... He does want the aunt there but not at the cost of pissing off mom. That being said mom is often mad at someone and there is a list of folks she doesn't talk to (real fun). But in her defense the aunt is really nasty to her, spreads rumors and torments my FMIL. My fiancee and this aunt have always gotten along really well despite the family bullshit. I am worried that they will crash the wedding, they don't know the locale and it is rural and a bit difficult to find but they could ask other aunts and figure it out. It's just silly to me that these two grown woman, can't let bygones...you know...be bygones for an afternoon! It is ridiculous actually. I knew FMIL wasn't going to like them being invited but didn't expect her to pull this crap and have her other son call me to say she may not come now. Just makes me feel icky and i don't like being bullied or manipulated. But then there's the fact that I don't want a crazy, uninhibited, meany like the aunt there at all. I'm going to let my FH ultimately decided who he wants there, I'm not going to dictate who he can and cannot invite. I may lean on the side of leaving them off though, and thank you for the idea about "announcing the wedding" that might work!! There will be about 175 people in a rural ranch like setting, so they wouldn't be on top of each other but would be in eyesight at most times of one another. I have no connection to the aunt and cousins but obviously love my FMIL, i don't want any bad blood but haven't spent ANY time with them in the 15 years I've known my FH or the 3+ years we've been together. Thanks so much for the advice...it's just a tough one!!

My FMIL and my fiancé's aunt (dad's sister) do not get along. We're not planning on inviting said aunt or her kids, fiancé's cousins. I haven't met any of them in the 2 1/2 years we've been together. And while my FMIL and I don't always see eye-to-eye, she's more important than the aunt and cousins. We really just want people who will be happy to celebrate with us to be there for our special day.

Don't invite them. Don't over think it. You want a happy family within your nuclear family which will soon be your husband and his parents. Just send them a we got married card after you get back from the honeymoon or something.

Maybe your groom should speak to the aunt about it and just be honest that he's in a difficult situation. Maybe she can let the mom attend the ceremony alone then show up at the reception and just blend in with the festivities. She doesn't have to talk to the mom.

The whole situation of mom's threatening to not attend if someone is there they don't like seems to be a reoccurring situation. Hopefully those that have been in the situation can give you some suggestions on how they worked it out.

We are going through the same right now. My FH has a step brother that he doesn't keep in touch with but he dose with his kids (Niece and Nephew )

We are inviting them but not the step brother and his wife. After all it's not there fault.

We have decided yes it would be nice if the stepbrother could rekindle a relationship but after not talking in over 11 years our wedding is not the time and place to do that.

Thank you everyone, it really helps to hear others opinions. Talking to the aunt is sadly probably out...not the most rational human being. Not sure where we're at with our decision but I know which way I'm leaning!! Again, thanks!!!