Sticking to Adult Only?

You're not eloping, you're having a destination wedding. And destination weddings can be problematic. In this case, it makes it difficult, if not impossible for a couple with two children under the age of two to attend. You need to ask yourself what's more important, an out of state venue, a sister being there, or your strict no kids rule. The two children are close family and can be an exception to your no kids policy if you want them to be.

You're not wrong in wanting an adult only wedding. His sister isn't wrong either though in having to decline an out of state wedding if her kids aren't invited. You and your FH will just have to decide whether adults only or his sister attending is the bigger priority.

As your wedding is in July, I assume this venue is booked. Has everyone else RSVP'd for a room in the house? Is this for multiple days? I would allow the 2 children but offer a hotel room block or other alternative housing for her or other guests. As a guest, I would not stay in a house with 2 children under 2. But, typically I like privacy and my own bathroom. The sister may also prefer separate accommodations. In this situation, I would be more relieved thus offering to pay but it's up to you and your FI.

What has FH said about this? When you came up with your guest list, was his priority having his sister (and thus her kids) there or being able to invite two other people? I would definitely have a conversation with him about it and come to an agreement you both feel comfortable with. It’s not that you’re wrong to have your preferences, but you also need to take his into account.

View Quoted Comment He’s so supportive, and that makes me feel even worse. Lol.

View Quoted Comment Aww I’m also the more…opinionated lol…in my relationship, so there have been a few times during wedding planning when I’ve had to try and figure out if he really doesn’t care as much about something or if he’s just trying to appease me. I would do that thing where you both rank how you feel about this decision on a scale of 1-10. Like how much does he care that his sister’s in attendance, and how much do you care that this is an adults only wedding? Write your answers down so you can’t change them once you see the other person’s answer, and be honest about how much you care about this versus other major decisions (like whether or not to do a first look or something else you guys feel strongly about). And then once you’ve made a decision and you’re both on board, don’t feel bad about it anymore because then you’ve done what you could.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!! We’re discussing it now. And I’m going to let him make that call on what’s most important to him. That’s only fair. Thanks ladies!!! 😘

Well, it sounds like you made up your mind. Just know ppl who use the term "favorite sister" have a specific relationship and it goes both ways. If she is excluded because you can't make an exception for small children, you will never be close with her. If you make him choose, she'll still blame you. Y'all should have polled your VIPs for a destination microwedding. Idk how you didn't see this coming. Compromise and move her accommodations off site.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like you and your FH have a healthy relationship where you can communicate openly and honestly with eachother 💕 I think letting him make the decision is the best recourse of action. And if you both decide that having an adults-only wedding is more important to you, don’t feel guilty! This is YOUR event and YOU decide the guest list. There are tons of events adults are invited to where their children are not (concerts, dinners, fund raisers, galas, bachelor/bachelorettes, friend vacations, bars, etc.) and no one bats an eye. Parents simply choose to attend without their children, or they choose to decline. It’s not up to the host of an event to cater to everyone’s circumstances.

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Actually, I don't think it's fair at all. I see it as you asking him to pick between your wishes and his sister, which is completely unfair for him to have to do. I honestly would be extremely upset if I were in his shoes. Of course he's going to want his sister in attendance, but he also wants to make you happy. I also never would've asked my husband to pick between my wishes and having someone so important to me at our wedding. I think you need to allow his sister and her two children to attend regardless of what he says.

View Quoted Comment Agreed.


OP, you two picked a destination venue knowing a VIP had at least one infant. You can't then blame said chosen venue for it's limitations when you really just want to swap out his sister for 2 more friends. Then you want your FI to choose and prob also tell her? Personal Accountability. You called this an elopement so you think it's ok to exclude, but what you really did was create a micro destination wedding that includes some and not others. So it's more than just what you want when it includes others. Consider the reason she must bring her children. They could be breastfeeding, there is no partner. Either way very small children are dependent on their mother. Also, a "B list" is offensive to the invited. A " destination B list" in 3 months notice would def not go over well.

So, first of all, B-listing people is rude, like fitting people in just because there were declines makes it seem like they're second choice.

This is destination wedding, and with those you need to own that not everyone will be able to make it. That's just the nature of them.

However, in this case you're having an event and making rules that specifically will result in his sister not being there. Down the road, you may end up regretting that decision when you see her at literally every family dinner.