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Just Said Yes May 2021

Stepmom obligation

Christy, on January 5, 2020 at 9:05 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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So, my dad recently passed away suddenly. I was never really close to my stepmom, but have gotten close, because she wants to spend a lot of money on me since his passing. I was super close to my mother. My dad and stepmom weren’t married that long, I don’t know if I’m getting close to her because my dad passed or what. Growing up, I lived with my mom and step dad and was really close to my step dad and my mom did everything for me. Pretty quickly after my dad passed, my stepmom has gotten into a new relationship, and that is troubling for me. I don’t know what my stepmoms role should be in my wedding. I don’t want to hurt my mom. But, I want to honor my dad somehow. And I appreciate the monetary support from my stepmom, but I feel like she is buying her way into my wedding.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Cassandra7, on January 5, 2020 at 2:06 PM

Super March 2020
Jennifer · on January 5, 2020 at 9:14 AM
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This is kind of just for perspective,

My grandma passed and my grandpa started dating this new woman. I was furious. He passed away shortly after that and she still took on the role of my grandparents. Again, I thought it was weird and not cool. Who does this woman think she is trying to replace my grandparents after their death? It still made me feel so uncomfortable but I do believe she was doing it as an act of kindness. She knew loss and wanted to be close to the family of the man she loved. Again, still awkward for me but she probably had good intentions.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 5, 2020 at 9:31 AM
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I do not think the stepmom needs to have a role in your wedding if you are not that close to her. She can just be a guest. Weddings with new wives I have not seen involved in the wedding. She can just attend as a guest if you would like.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on January 5, 2020 at 9:37 AM
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I agree with Kristen. If you aren’t close and don’t really have a relationship, she can attend as a guest. I would just find a way to honor your dad.
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Master October 2017
karen · on January 5, 2020 at 10:46 AM
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Agree with PP, invite her as guest. And I would not count on her money until you get it (but I say that about all money)
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on January 5, 2020 at 2:06 PM
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I would be very cautious about letting your late father's wife buy her way into "closeness" and a role in your wedding. Seems to have the potential for messiness, if not outright trouble.
Perhaps, if she offers funds again, you could ask her to contribute one specific, not-too-intimate thing (and go to choose it with her)--say, the cake. You appreciate and maybe get her a corsage, but no other special treatment.
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