Step parents!

You need to let your FH take the lead on this. He understands the family issues. There is no one size fits all You should be concerned about what he thinks.

I would say if they are attending the wedding you have to give them the flowers. You can give the stepmother something different (or even cheaper) than his mother but out of respect you have to give them something.

You need to let FH decide what he wants to do. Even if it didn't seem like they had an active part in helping raise him, I guarantee there was a lot that they did behind the scenes to help your FH be the person he is today. Step-parents rarely get the credit they usually deserve.

Both FH & I are children of divorce. Both of his parents are remarried and my dad is remarried as well. This is what we've discussed so far...

We are extremely close to his step-father and he will be having a bout. we're hoping his step-mom will be out of the picture by the time of the wedding (long story behind that hope) however, if she's not out of the picture, she will be a normal guest and will not be recognized as one of his parents per FH's request.

My step-mother has had a huge hand in raising me and I have a better relationship with her than I do the woman who gave birth to me. She will absolutely be recognized as a parent during the wedding.

I would. I'm not a huge fan of my stepmom, however it's really more about honoring my dad and it's still a nice gesture.

If I were doing boutonnieres and corsages I'd do them for the steps...

My parents are also divorced and dad is the only one that remarried recently. I didn't give my step mom flowers the day of. I wanted my mom to feel special, but I did buy her a gift after to thank her. I felt this was the best decision in my situation.

We absolutely did one for DH's stepdad and his step-grandparents. We were prepared to give a corsage to DH's father's long-time gf, who thinks of herself as DH's stepmother even though DH doesn't exactly see it that way (she did not make it, though). It was easier to be inclusive to keep the peace so there would be no hurt feelings over why stepdad got one and the gf didn't or have DH's dad's ego get hurt because we wanted to honor the stepdad. It would have been much worse to have said we were only honoring DH's bio parents and left his stepdad out when he really deserved to be honored, too. It would have been a slap in the face.

I think your FH needs to have the final say on whether his step-parents are included because it's his family. He knows whether he feels like they should be honored or whether it would cause drama with either of his parents if they aren't. It's a really simple gesture, if he does decide to include his step-parents, and it's not like there will need to be a pinning ceremony in front of everyone. They will be quietly handed their boutonniere/corsage, they will put it on with the help of their spouse, and they will feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

My sister (technicaly half-sister) gave them to her step-parents at the wedding, as well as acknowledging step-grandparents in the program. It was a nice gesture, and appreciated by everyone. She did this even though her mom had married her step-dad about 2 years before.

Bottom line: Let FH decide how/if he'd like to honor them.

MrsDtoR, I don't think you can assume anything. There are stepparents who abused kids. There are stepparents who discouraged a relationship with kids. They may be in the minority, but FH has to make the call. I would think that if either bride or groom tried to push "parental" status wrt their partners stepparent, they may be resentment.

End of the day, let the FH make the call. Listen to him, don't try to override. Same as for Brides stepparents.

I feel for you. We both come from divorced families and I started crunching the numbers on flowers, gifts, etc. for all of them and it's making a serious dent in our wedding budget. Additionally, on the whole FH makes the decision, it will be different for both sides. His family is super laid back and his step-parents would not care about being individually recognized as part of the parent party (even at a smaller level). My parents/step-parents, on the other hand, would take offense to their not being recognized despite later in life marriages. I didn't want the two sides to be reflected differently so we're doing something special/small for all parties.

Ultimately the decision is yours but I'm more of a keep the peace type and am paying it on the safe side.