Step Parents at top table

Personally, i think you only need to go by this type of tradition when everyone is in good standings with each other.

my father hates my mother with a passion and as traditional as we'd like things we wouldnt dare put my dad, mother and my step dad at the same table.

eta - typo.

Actually.. even putting them in the same state is pushing it lol

Tradition is only going to get you so far. More important than traditional etiquette is making people feel comfortable at the reception. And no one is going to feel comfortable sitting at a table with someone they intensely dislike. Set up three rounds--one for your parents (and maybe some of their siblings or other close relatives), a second for her dad and his wife and a third for her mom and her husband. Again, fill up these tables with other relatives that you'd like to honor. But keep the feuding parents separate.

Agree with pp. Out reception space will be laid out like a war zone...very strategic. We can't always get what we want in life, and in this case, looks like you should just not have parents at the head table.

Also, in many places this would not be considered "traditional" anyway.

If you really want to stick to tradition i would suggest putting her parents at opposite ends of the table i.e mother and step dad to the far right and father and step mother to the far left then your parents and you the happy couple both in the middle?

I'm actually having the same issue...did you end up coming up with a solution?