Step kid drama!!

FH reassures me everything will be ok but I've heard horror stories from a couple people

It sounds like your daughter got physical first and it looks like you're condoning her behavior. Can you give more details about the bullying and what measures had been taken before this incident? What lies did your stepdaughter tell her own mom? What's everyone's age? ETA: autocorrect

@lastjunebride yes my daughter did. We talked to her about it & she got in trouble. My stepdaughter is 14 & that night she threw a pillow at her & then hit her with the cell phone charger. It left a mark & she thought it was funny. It all started because my daughter was defending her step brother. My step daughter kept making him cry, calling him gay & hitting him. I don't really know exactly what she told her mom. Her mom just called my FH yelling that I needa quit talking about her. I never talk about her or my kids dad. No reason to. I'm just hurt that she would do that to me. I know it's cause she's mad

Not a step-parent, but I am a step-child.

When my dad and my step-mom first got together (age 7), I never hated anyone more. I tried to sabotage their relationship for years. I acted out in anyway possible. Change is hard for kids, especially when new roles are being figured out. I grew to accept and love my step-mom and new siblings like my own blood. Make sure you and her father are a united front and set clear boundaries.

It sounds like all the parents need to sit down and hash this out and its probably a good idea to get a family counselor involved. This isn't normal sibling rivalry/adjusting to a newly blended family.

Wait, this happened 6 years ago? Why is it coming up again and why is there drama now about it?

@Elizabeth I interpreted it as OP came into their lives 6 years ago and all of a sudden this came up. This is petty and ridiculous if it has in fact been resolved and is now coming up again 6 years later.

It's shocking because we've all lived together for 5 years now & we've always had 50/50. Our relationships were great. We'd talk, hug, laugh, everything. The only hard part was dealing with their mom. Till this day she won't meet me, everything has to go through the kids or FH. Sucks. But, as for the kids...they were always good with each other. Not sure when or where the changes happened. FH & I try to stay on the same page. I doubt their mom & her husband will do counseling. I just don't see it happening.

Wait now I'm lost too. I hope counseling works. Remember these are children. Of course you know that, but driving her to school is not something they're going to see the same way you do. I mean, who else is going to take them? They are minors that can't drive. I do wish you the best, because the violent behavior is concerning.

@La Grosera that makes more sense. OP, so 6 years after getting together with her father, your step-daughter decides to lie about you to her mom? She's never done this before? That seems odd unless she's upset with the way you handled your own daughter when she became physically assaultive.

OP this is a situation where you can't just shrug counseling off because they may not go for it. You need to push the issue. The kids on both sides need some serious attitude adjustment. Whether they like it or not, they're in one another's lives and need to figure out how to live together without ripping each other's heads off. You guys as parents also need to have clear boundaries set when it comes to the discipline of one another's kids. Messages shouldn't be going through the kids...that's how messages get misconstrued and that's how you end up in this situation. She needs to get over whatever issue she has and be willing to meet you for the sake of the kids. I can't believe she's allowing her kids to live in a house with someone she has never even met.

ETA: While it's absolutely no excuse for violence and name calling, I'm sure some of the lashing out and arguing they're doing can be attributed to teenage angst. I was a raging bitch to my dad's girlfriend when the first got together when I was about 13 but I got over myself and grew out of it. The bickering will go away after a while but the rest needs to be addressed asap.

I'm having a few problems. I have 3 kids (11,9,2) my FH has three (18,13,12) the daughter is twelve during my last visit last week she didn't speak, pretended to be asleep; when she got up still didn't speak. The oldest boy lives with his mother; the 13 year old is pretty cool we get along- sometimes he bully my oldest son which cause a problem. My kids are fairly good they do get in trouble sometimes- my FH kids used to steal money from him, and anyone that came around. They also had a emotional abuse from their mother and her boyfriend. It's a lot going on there. Now my FH finally gotten control over the stealing ( youngest 13,12 live with him) I just want everyone to blended into their new family.

Me and FH listen and talk over each kids problem and find a situation. We don't live together- we're looking for house big enough for all of us.

@lastjunebride no, I'm not expecting them to appreciate me driving them to school. I was meaning that more towards their mom. I do a lot more then that...I take them to dentist appts, school physicals, I take my stepdaughter to color guard competitions, I take my stepson to soccer practice & games.

@elizabeth K. No she's never done this before. I feel it's because she's upset.

@LaGrosera I can tell my FH till he's blue in the face but how can I push it on to their mom if I don't see her or talk to her? Being honest...FH is always trying to avoid drama to. He always wants to just worry about what goes on in our house. And I totally agree, the messages through kids is never ok. I've felt that way for a long time now.

@TalishaR. My stepdaughter did the stealing thing to. She stole from her dad. We found it the next day in her bag. Of course he didn't know how to confront her so he let that one go. Later she did it again then he had to talk to her. He just assumed it's cause she was going through a lot with changes (at the time). Hasn't happened again since...thank God. I really hope your situation works out when you live together. I knw as parents & step parents it's easier if everyone gets along. Not sure how your relationship is with the mom.

We are in custody battle because step kids' mom decided to withhold them after FH and I moved in together. Kids are struggling with dad and mom both moving on and getting remarried. Mom tells them to look for anything bad we do-like when we put the 8 yo in time out after she destroys my things... mom has been trying to take the kids for years. So we are in court. She's refused counseling for all of us or even for the kids. She's refused mediation. I totally get where you are coming from

FH 8yo son told his mom that I hate him and that I beat him when he's with us. Of course it isn't true. The mom threatened us with a lawyer, but we all talked and finally got his son to tell the truth. He just doesn't like having to do chores and so he didn't want to come to our house.

@Isheefishee I'm hoping all of this doesn't lead back to court. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard. Do you think it's made you & FH stronger as a couple?

@McKayla H. I'm hoping we can all sit down just like you guys did & just agree on Coparenting. I don't see her doing that either. Just last week FH told her she needed to text me & communicate when things happen with the kids & she said she wasn't ready to cross that bridge. It's been 6 years! She's married with 2 additional kids! Last week my stepson got sick at school...she picked him up but no one told me. FH was working with no cell service. I waited for him after school & I started to worry about him. I went inside the office & they told me he was picked up. I was pissed.

Sounds like dad needs to have a stern talking to with his kids and you need to have one with yours. I have step kid drama but he also knows who is in charge of the household. A firm voice and show of love seems to help. My FH is always super supportive but there are times when I sit in the shower and cry. It's hard being a step parent. I'm just happy I don't have any kids myself I could imagine how I would feel.

I know that feeling. I drove 90 minutes out of my way last year every morning for a week and a half while she and her new husband were on their honeymoon. They came home early, picked up the kids from school, and didn't tell me or FH. So I drove almost 3 hours that day and had a panic attack when the kids didn't come out of the school for no reason. I didn't mind driving them to school and back or taking care of them, but I wasted so much gas and time that day because she couldn't be bothered to communicate.