Step Dad vs. Birth Dad

I'd have step dad walk you down and do the dance. I understand not wanting to hurt your bio dad, but these are positions of honor and he has not earned them. Inviting him is more than enough I think

How old are your boys? You could walk down with them. And you could even dance with both dads if you wanted to be equal (fair isn't the right word).

That is if you really don't want to disappoint anyone. You can also just do what feels right and choose your step dad.

But it's you're wedding, so you should do what makes you comfortable.

Your step dad sounds like he's been more of your dad than your birth father. If I was in your shoes, I'd have step dad walk me down the aisle and stop by birth father at the end of the aisle for a hug. Then either dance with step dad, dance with your boys, or if you're really feeling generous, split it between your step dad and birth father. @Jamie is right that positions of honor need to be earned

Yeah it sounds like your step dachas been way more of a father to you. I would walk with him and if you want like PPs said, stop to hug birth dad at the end. I also think your step dad would be way more hurt by not walking you down the aisle than your birth dad. In the end though it's up to you and how you really feel about it.

I also like the other posters idea of walking down the aisle with your boys that would be really cute

I should clear something up. The divorce between my parents was brutal. Long and messy. Up until my High school graduation, I referred to my step dad by his first name. It wasn't until after seeing my birth dad (so changed and beaten down) that I began referring my birth dad as Father and my step dad as Daddy. Growing up, I was a total Daddy's girl. Wrapped around his finger and spoiled. My father was in the Navy before my parents divorce. After the divorce, he was medical discharged and honestly, I believe he fell into drugs to drown out his sadness over losing his kids. My mother completely blocked him from having anything to do with us. Yes, he was a mild alcoholic before the divorce but I never really saw him as a bad dad. Bad husband, yes but never a bad dad. He was my hero and when we moved away when I was 10, I saw him one time 3 years later and could see the toll our absent had brought on him and the toll of hi choices were still bringing on him. I didn't see my father again until I was 18 and graduating from High school. He was not the strong, handsome hero of my childhood that I remember. He was not the same man that my mind's eye would picture. He was a shriveled up, beaten down, ex drug addict and ex alcoholic. Time was not his friend and seeing the drastic change is what scared me. He got himself clean and though I won't allow him in my life or my children's lives directly, I have decided to invite him to my wedding because I would regret it for the rest of my life if he were not there. I struggle daily with this choice because I do not know if it is the right one or not. I would never want to hurt him or my parents (mom and step dad) but I know if he were not there, I would be racked with guilt the entire day and unable to enjoy my wedding day. Now I have not told my father that I plan to invite him because I am still unsure. I wanted all the details determined before I tell him so that he knows exactly what he can and can not do at the wedding. Back in 2012, he had a stroke or something to do with his head and now he's more child-like then adult. Talking to him can be trying at times and he doesn't quite get his point across. I love him, he is my father and no matter what horrible things my mother has said over the years about him, I will always love him. I may no longer idealize him like I once did and I may not have the kind of contact with him that other daughters do with their fathers but I believe in forgiveness and second chances. Out of all the parents and step parents between my fiance and I, my father is the only one who has given us any money towards the wedding. For that, I am grateful and could not picture my day without him even more. But I also don't want to hurt or offend my step dad. He took my 3 brothers and I in and raised us as his own along with my 2 half sisters (his own daughters) when he didn't have to. He supported me, guided me, and pushed me to overcome my educational barriers and achieve greatness. I would never have gotten out of special ed classes and into AP college classes and then go onto college without his presence in my life. How do I honor one without the other because they both influenced me to be the person I am, the mother I am, and the spouse I hope to be. I don't want to hurt either one and I don't want to offend either one either.

Maybe have your boys walk you down and do a dance with both dads. Or, have one dad walk you down and the other dance with you. Also, talk to each of them (probably at separate occasions) and tell them that you want them to be a part of this and they both have meant a lot to you. Hopefully they will understand and be supporting. If not, then I think it makes it easier to cut them out of certain parts.

Based on your update, why not have birth dad walk you down the aisle (and give step dad and mom a hug at the end) and then split the dance? If you were so close with him when you were little, he's definitely dreamed of walking you down the aisle.

On a side note, my dad is the step-dad of my two sisters and brother. Their dad passed away when they were young. However, they still had my brother walk them down the aisle because he reminded them of their dad. My dad understood, and I'm sure your step-dad would too if you talked to him about how you're feeling. He obviously loves you, and your happiness will matter more than anything else to him.

Could you have both dad's walk with you?

Maybe walk alone.

Have both dads walk you and do 2 shortened dances.

My biodad wasn't around (drugs and alcohol) until I was 24 when my mom passed away. He still isn't around a whole lot, but now that I have kids he tries to be a better grandpa then he was a dad.

My mom married my step dad when i was 18 mos, So I'm having both walk me and doing 2 dances.

No reason you can't have your father be apart of it, just don't leave out the man who raised you and earned it when he didn't have to.