Step Children @ Weddings

My children are a little older, 17 & 9, and they're in the bridal party. As he's only 4 1/2 maybe he can be the ring bearer?

I went to a wedding once where the couple wrote their own vows....when it came to the grooms turn to recite them, he ended up having vows for the bride's daughter to say as well. It was really sweet.

He could walk you down the aisle, even at 4-1/2

Ring Bearer is a definite. But I also wanted something more. I like the idea of the vows a lot. I don't want to write my own vows tho, maybe just having my stepson & I say I Do also?

Family vows would be nice. They don't have to be too flowery, but meaningful is good. Maybe have the officiant include something that the little guy can say "I do" to?

I agree with @Maltese. I seen the reading of the vows done. It is a very nice thing to do.

My 8 year-old stepson will be the ring bearer (escorting his 3 year-old cousin as the flower girl). My 15 year-old stepson will be the Best Man. We are also doing a sand ceremony with 4 different colors and the officiant will speak about the family blending together. Some useful suggestions for wording here:

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/sand-ceremony-wording-with-child/062dc2618decfd99.html

I would avoid having the kids say any sort of vow. I think that's a touchy subject, especially when the kids are older and would likely feel a loyalty conflict with their biological parent. Best to include them in a fun way without making them obligated to say anything. ETA: corrected link

I agree with @MzRosaLu. I think it would be great for you to recite vows to your future stepson, but I don't think he should be required to commit to you. Especially since he really isn't choosing anything related to the marriage and ceremony.

Ring bearer for sure, or walk you down the isle. Our son is holding a sign that says "Daddy, here comes our girl!". Even something like that is cute.

Me and FH both have children from previous marriages. 4 daughters all together. We are doing the vow thing other poster mention above.

Ring bearer would be great for him.

My mother is on her third marriage, my father has been married twice and is currently single. I was alive for three of these weddings. I was 6 when I was first in one of their weddings. I have been a flower girl and bridesmaid in their weddings.

All of that being said, I would have been wildly, wildly uncomfortable being included in any other way in the ceremony. They have no say in this, don't make them go through any sort of commitment actions. Just my honest opinion.

I really appreciate all of these responses. It's very helpful and reassuring. He will def. be the ring bearer. I understand everyone's point of him not saying vows since he really doesn't have a say. I'm thinking of just having him stand with his dad at the alter during the ceremony. He won't have to say or do anything, but just to have him up there may be enough.

My daughter is our flower girl. The 3 of us will be doing a sand ceremony and her and FH will be doing a first dance

FH has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, she will be the flower girl, wearing the same color as the groomsmen.

My step son is 14 and is the Best Man, DH niece is 10 and a JBM

My son and soon to be stepson will be our ring bearers and that's it. We will be lucky to get FSS down the aisle without a fit, freakout, tantrum or shutting totally down from anxiety. In fact, if there were a way to NOT have him involved in such a "all eyes on him" way, it would probably be better for everyone, including him. However, I don't see another way to include him in an equal way, so we're just going to bribe the crap out of him to get him down the aisle quickly and quietly and then he can go sit with his grandma.

I could see you maybe making some sort of vow to him, as the adult in his life. But I would agree with PP's who said he probably shouldn't make vows for you.

4 is young for him to have a speaking role. He may not be used to strangers, crowds, could be shy. The next year and a half will bring a lot of developmental changes for him so it's hard to say how he will react on the wedding day when you are planning now.

Maybe instead of having him say vows with the 2 of you, you can include some step mom promises in your vows. You can address them to your FH or your step son, like I promise to love your son/you like my own, or whatever else is meaningful to you.

We're considering having the step-father-to-be say a simple vow (i.e.--to be there for her, support her, love her,etc.). to my 9-year-old, and give her a ring to remind her of his promises to her.

Congratulations on your engagement!!!! My 2 new daughters were in our wedding as junior brides, ages 7 and 9. They were so beautiful!!! Their cousins were their escorts as junior grooms...very cute!!! Let me know if you need help or advice on anything else.

Being a step parent is a blessing and a role that is very much under appreciated!