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Chelsea
Expert July 2021

Stds/ Parent problems

Chelsea, on October 22, 2020 at 9:20 AM Posted in Planning 0 10
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Hi! I got engaged June 2019. I wanted a small wedding in Vegas or Florida and my fiancé wanted a big wedding at home. So I said that's fine but not inviting people we don't know! We have been together for 13 years. Sorry but If I never met you, your the problem not me.

Fast Forward to now had all parents over to help address STDs. I gave them a list of people I thought they would invite and also with them adding to it over the past year and told them to get their addresses for STDs. If I don't have it for STDs then they are not getting invited to the wedding because I have none of his families address. I bought a hard cover address book to put everything in so invites it can just be my fiancé and I.

His dads girlfriend asked months ago to invite her mom. Yes that's fine. She asked a few months back can she invite her siblings. Sure? After the parent get together I looked and she added all these people I have no idea! HER cousins from another state and today she is still texting me names and address!!!!! I even flat out said if I don't know these people they aren't invited. "Well i dont want them mad at me for not inviting them" IM SORRY i dont know these people and with covid im trying to stop from having a 300 guest wedding. We are at 220! (My venue fits 600 so cant use that as an excuse).

His mom shows up with ZERO addresses and tells me she's been "busy". Okay - we've been engaged for a year and half. I asked a month notice. I told you what today was about why do you not have any addresses. Cant complain to much as she called everyone and got the addresses that night! but asked on the phone "well were doing STDs would you want to come"? okay no that sounds rude as for a simple address!

Then I have my family who is moving out of state next week and my mom googled everyone's addresses and put it on the envelopes and not on her sheet of paper... lol OKAY if its not in the hard address book then how the heck are they getting an invite. so I had to go threw her stack of envelopes. Hope the address are correct...…

Then I had one of my bridesmaids(cousin) sneak her besties address in my envelopes.. Again how are you going to sneak that if Its not in the hard book she's not getting an invite..


OMG why me. ON TOP of all this my fiancé ditched and went to the casino with his dad. I'm ready to scream at him for not being there and his family has added to our guest list. and tons of people I don't know. I've wasted stamps now and its a big ugly mess.

ADVICE PLEASE!

10 Comments

Latest activity by Ana, on October 23, 2020 at 10:33 AM
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    That sounds like a lot. Honestly this is why we didn’t let anyone near our guest list and we didn’t have anyone help with anything, other than a few family members addresses. The more you ask for things from people (help with addressing STDs, reviewing the guest list, etc) the more people will believe they’re entitled to things like adding extra guests or an opinion on something you are/aren’t doing. My advice would have been to leave everyone out of this part of the planning process but since you’re past that already my advice would be to keep everyone at arms length a bit while you do the rest of your planning.
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    Yikes that is frustrating! And I agree with Sarah!

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I completely agree with Sarah. My fiance and I first tried including our wedding party in our planning process, but it got too difficult with too many differing opinions and hurt feelings if we didn't go with their idea. It opens the door to other people making decisions for someone else's wedding. Often times, these are decisions the bride and groom don't agree with. I suggest asking people for their input only on things that directly affect them - asking bridesmaids for input on dresses/shoes/whether they want hair and makeup done/etc, asking parents to send you addresses that they have so you and your fiance can send out invites and Save The Dates, etc. Everything else (centerpieces, cake flavors, guest list, vendors, colors, dinner options, etc) are all decisions that are only up to you and your fiance.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with others, unfortunately you've already opened up the guest list to them. At this point you can either put your foot down and tell them that you and FH will be handling guest list moving forward, and thank them for their help (there's other ways you can get addresses that you're missing) OR let them steamroll you and accept the extra, unwanted people on your guestlist. I understand neither situation is ideal, but they're really the only options at this point.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you need to put your foot down otherwise they are going to continue to try to walk all over you. While we asked our moms for addresses, they didn't actually help us address envelopes or anything like that. We handled all of that ourselves.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yes, to all of this. Count this as a (difficult) lesson learned and don't involve anyone else in planning or wedding tasks from this point forward.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I tried to be nice and include his family, my family and our wedding party in the planning process. And then I ended up with his mom telling me who I can and cannot invite, my dad wanting me to invite all his friends I barely see, and my bridesmaid wanting her sister, sisters boyfriend and mom on the guest list. At first I caved and was like alright ill see if I have space available, I live in upstate new york and am only allowed 50 guests so far. So I go over my guest list and other than my family it and his family on the guest list it's a bunch of random people we either never met before or barely see and don't care if they come. So I threw out the guest list and me and him sat down and made a new one with just the people we wanted there. Then I went and probably looked like a bridezilla but I pretty much set everyone straight. I told everyone this is who's coming if you don't like it to bad it's not your wedding , you'll have to plan your own wedding to get to decide who gets invited cause you ain't having a say with my wedding. And yes people weren't to please but everyone shut up about who's coming.
    • Reply
  • Jill
    Beginner April 2022
    Jill ·
    • Flag
    Oh wow, this sounds like a nightmare. In the end, this is YOUR wedding. I don't know who is paying for what but this day is about you and your fiancé. Put a foot down and tell them who you and your fiancé will allow to be invited. It's very costly and completely unnecessary to have people you don't know. Stay tough. You don't want to regret having too big of a wedding full of strangers.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    This is where you get to practice the word, "no."

    It is a complete sentence, and you and your FH can tag team on it, too. (It's a great word, particularly for people like that girlfriend, who don't seem to understand the word "boundary".)

    As for his family's addresses... that's his job. And he gets to either poke people on FB, or tell his mom, "well, they aren't getting an invite, because we don't know where they are."

    • Reply
  • Ana
    Savvy February 2022
    Ana ·
    • Flag

    My medical brain read STDs as sexually transmitted diseases Smiley laugh lol

    Girl, sounds like you need to put your foot down and remind everyone that this is YOUR day, not theirs. Be firm in your decision and invite who you want to period. If not they will continue to make your life hell.

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