Starting to get stressed...

I would focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to tackle everything at once.

The first thing I would do is figure out the hotel issue. Is the hotel local to you that maybe you could go in and try to talk to someone? If it's not then I would probably automatically look into a second hotel since the first one is being so difficult. This will eliminate the stress of waiting to hear back.

The next thing I would tackle is the music. I walked down the aisle to Canon D because my mom always envisioned me walking down the aisle to it so I wanted to surprise her by picking that song. You can honestly pick any song that speaks to you. Maybe look up wedding playlists or something like that to get an idea.

Lastly, I unfortunately think you created the mess yourself with your step-mom when you started dictating what guests wear. And yes you did dictate when you suggested a theme. Weddings aren't costume parties that everyone should need to dress on theme for. It's fine to have a theme with like the food, decor, etc. but not with your guests attire. They aren't props. She is probably annoyed that you're trying to tell her what to wear. At this point there's nothing that can really be done. You've told her your request and she's either going to find an outfit within the theme you've requested or she won't. But I wouldn't pressure her or your dad about her attire. I would just accept that she can dress herself. Also depending on what you want her to wear that could be why she's stressed. If it's not something she already owns or doesn't really fit her style which I'm gather it doesn't since she said it would make her look like a grandmother. What did you request she wear? Let go of your expectation/demand that everyone dress a certain way.

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I guess I didn't think about it that way about the theme...point taken. And honestly, people can wear paper bags if that's what makes them happy. I just want to celebrate our day with our loved ones. I should have clarified...by dressing to the theme, it's just colors. We are doing a HP wedding and just put a note on the invite for people to represent their House if they want to, with the House colors enclosed. I'm not expecting major costumes or wanting anything crazy. I honestly don't have any kind of feelings about what she wears, I guess I'm more confused than stressed really lol. My dad says she's complaining to him but when I offer or try talking to her she shuts the conversation down.

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I didn't mean to come off harsh or anything. I just think it can be hard to get guests to dress a certain way especially if it's something they don't already own. My sister had a hard time convincing her husband he had to wear nice clothes and not sneakers to my wedding since it was formal. If you don't mind me asking what color had you wanted your step-mom to wear?

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You're fine

I would LIKE her to match my dad and he's wearing blue.

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I totally agree with PP that the dress issue is of your own making. It was inappropriate of you to dictate or suggest what colors your guests should wear in the first place, let alone put it on the invitation. I'd feel the same way she does. My guess is she's not interested in talking because there's really nothing to say about it at this point. I'd send a note letting her know she should feel free to wear whatever she likes. Was she the one who told you all this? Did she mean for it to get back to you?

I'd assume the hotel has no more rooms at this point and suggest alternatives either way. If more rooms open up, then they do. You may have to be persistent about calling the sales office. They don't always keep regular business hours.

There are countless possibilities for a musical number to walk down the aisle. If you are stumped try asking your DJ for suggestions or look up what other brides have used.

View Quoted Comment I’ve never seen anyone do suggested attire in their house colors, and I think this is absolutely adorable!! (Full disclosure, I’m totally a Potter head, so I may be biased 😂). Either way, you didn’t demand or require people dress to theme, so I wouldn’t worry about ruffling feathers with that. On top of that, the house colors encompass soooo many colors (burgundy, yellow/gold, green, gray, blue, brown, and black) so it’s not like there isn’t a ton to choose from! It sounds like your step mom isn’t good with confrontation. I’d just let her be. If she has an issue, she can be an adult and address it with you. I wouldn’t waste any more energy worrying about her.
So out of curiosity, what are you planning for your HP themed wedding?!

Family -- What's done is done. Reiterate to your dad (and stepmom via text) that you are completely fine with whatever she wants to wear and then let it go completely. Not just the idea of her matching the theme, but the idea that her stress or your dad's aggravation are your problem.

Hotel -- Definitely reach out to another hotel, but I would also ask to speak to the general manager of your first hotel. He or she is likely the sales manager's boss and might be more responsive to an unhappy customer.

DJ -- I'm walking in to Bach's Cello Suite #1 in G Major, which is my all time favorite piece of music. Your DJ may actually be a great source of suggestions, but here is a laundry list of options:

https://www.theknot.com/content/ceremony-processional-selections

But most importantly . . . BREATHE. It will all work out.

Good luck!

I have seen a fair amount of pushback when the wedding couple starts "suggesting" colours for their guests, which is a newish trend. It's the risk you take when you do that, as you're finding out. I would just stop trying with your step mom, and not worry about that.

For walking down the aisle, why not just pick a favourite song that has the beat that matches the walk? It doesn't have to be a wedding march of any kind.

It seems weird that the Holiday Inn wouldn't be cooperative. I would probably place a call directly to the sales manager and not rely on the message getting through.

I hope it all works out!

I didn't know what "HP" was and I'm most likely not even the same generation as your Step Mother. Let Dad soothe her anxieties. You've got a wedding to tackle and aren't accepting complaints anymore.

I've heard everything from joyful secular to french horns down a wedding aisle. If your life could have a theme music, what would it be?

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry about taking so long to respond to this, life got busy lol.


We are having tables listed as Harry Potter world locations and the seating chart will be the Marauder’s Map. Centerpieces will be something representative of each location. We did Hogwarts Express tickets for Save the Dates.

Definitely start calling the hotel first, and if you have to leave a message say if you don’t hear back by close of business that day, you’ll assume the answer is no and call another hotel.


Next do the music. Google for wedding processional songs. Since it’s an HP themed wedding, listen to the soundtracks and see if something strikes you. Hedwig’s Theme would be lovely. Maybe see if there’s a slight variation like a piano version that you love.
For stepmom, email her. Tell her directly she’s welcome to wear whatever and the theme was just a suggestion, don’t worry about it. You could try sending a few links to dresses you think would suit to give her suggestions, though I’d be sure to stress they’re only suggestions and you’re happy with whatever she wears. Are you close enough to suggest a shopping day together?

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The hotel has been taken care, my MoH was able to get rooms added. She used to work in hospitality so she probably knew what to say or something lol. So that's taken care of. Anyone else who needs a room will need to book somewhere else.

We are close to figuring out the songs being used and I gave us the personal deadline of by end of tomorrow as the list needs to be to the DJ this week.

As far as the situation with my step-mom: we live in separate states but my dad, her, and my sister (who also lives in a separate state from all 3 of us) came out 1 weekend a few months back for the SOLE PURPOSE of wedding planning and shopping. She had no interest in doing it and just wanted to try partying with my sister the whole time. They somehow made the weekend about them and going out to drink. It was even frustrating my dad because he could see that I was hurt by it, and I did let my feelings be known to my step-mom, in a mature manner. Apparently though she went shopping last week and bought a dress, but then had my dad text me the next day asking what the bridesmaids are wearing. 1) I have explained that multiple times, 2) I'm confused why she would ask AFTER buying something lol, let alone not be the one to ask me. Almost makes me feel like she's avoiding talking to me about the wedding. I've tried asking for advice/input and again, she ignores the messages or changes the subject if we are on the phone. Am I being too sensitive?

*sorry for the emotional venting, I have just been holding all this in and with getting closer to the date I don't know how to handle my feelings and am worried about something happening on the big day.*

Maybe the one by kodaline?

In light of your update, just ignore your stepmom and let your dad deal with her. Just repeat “I’m sure whatever she bought is fine” anytime they ask anything else. It’s your wedding, and she doesn’t deserve to take up your headspace now!