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Kimberly
Expert October 2020

Stand-in alternatives — tacky or not?

Kimberly, on August 6, 2020 at 10:43 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 15
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1 of my 2 bridesmaids won’t be able to come to my wedding. She lives in the Philippines and we had been keeping an eye on the world news and health situation for months and hoped things would improve but it has not. She and her family will still be able to watch the wedding via livestream, so at least there is that small success.


Anyway, on to the main topic of this post. My mom has the idea of maybe my MOH could carry an iPad with this bridesmaid FaceTiming so she could still be part of the ceremony. My concern with this is the camera angle and audio quality she will see and hear will be awful, and while I’ve seen this done it would be better for her and her family to view the professional livestream channel (multiple camera angles, the works)
My fiancé had the idea of doing a custom life size cutout of her so she could “be there” without physically being there. Again, I’ve seen this done but personally have found cutouts of people’s heads and bodies unsettling. Also what do you do with it afterwards? Send it to her? Throw it away? Idk about this one either.
I had the idea of doing something similar by screen printing her photo on a shirt of a teddy bear (like the photo below) and have someone carry it down the aisle and sit it on a chair where she would have been during the ceremony. We could take pictures with it and send it to her in the care package I’m sending anyway with her bridesmaid goodies.
Do any/all of these seem tacky? If anyone has other suggestions I am open to ideas.
Stand-in alternatives — tacky or not? 1

15 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on August 7, 2020 at 3:06 PM
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    It's definitely different, but I like each of the ideas. For more easier shipping I'd go with the Teddy bear option. But I think at the end of the day, no matter what you choose, she'll be honored that you thought of her like that.

    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I think those are fun ideas to still include her! I personally like the idea of someone holding a phone or tablet with her on a video call, so she could still attend and hear the ceremony. The audio/video might not be the best, but it would likely be better than nothing. You could have someone sitting in the front row holding the device with the video call, so that she can get a great view of the ceremony. You could also have someone in the wedding party carry the device while walking down the aisle during the video call so she can participate too.


    I also like the teddy bear idea! I think it would be a great keepsake for her, and shipping it to her would definitely be easier (and easier for her to display in her home) than a cardboard cutout.
    Like the previous comment said, I think she'd be happy with whatever you choose to do. I think it's awesome that you're planning to find a special way to include her!
    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag

    I would break down in happy tears if I was the BM and I received that teddy bear in the mail. If you have a photo of the two of you together I think that would be even better. I love stuffed animals and would hold onto that thing forever. Maybe that's just me though!

    • Reply
  • C
    VIP January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    My friend just posted her covid wedding pictures. She had the bridesmaids carry and iPad with the groomsmen who couldn’t be there on FaceTime. I thought it was so cute! Stand-in alternatives — tacky or not? 2

    • Reply
  • Chelsea G
    Devoted March 2021
    Chelsea G ·
    • Flag

    Maybe have them be carried down on the ipad but then have them move to the different stream for the actual ceremony?

    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I like the bear idea! I think it's cute and the bear can be repurposed (as a gift to her) really easily. I agree with the cardboard cutouts. I was at a wedding where the bride's brother was deployed so they had a life size cutout of him in uniform and it was very... odd.

    • Reply
  • Leanne
    Rockstar September 2020
    Leanne ·
    • Flag
    Pleease do the bear idea and send it to them after. So so sweet, and what a way to remember the chaos of this year.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert August 2021
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    I think the teddy bear idea is so cute and thoughtful. And would make for an awesome keepsake for her.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Initially I envisioned it being kinda tacky. But scrolling down and seeing this picture changed my mind. It’s actually kinda cute!
    • Reply
  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I like the teddy bear idea, from a sentimental and pragmatic perspective. You make some very good points about the audio/visual for an ipad and aftermath of cutout.


    You could send the teddy bear to her with a card that you all signed.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    It is one thing to marry by proxy, when 1 partner is in a war zone. Makes more sense than alternatives. But this would be about the wedding party, who are friends, not the primary concern here. If you want her to see a tape or live video, fine. But others present should not be more than vaguely aware of it. No cutout, stuffed, or human stand-ins. You are getting married, and an officiant is usually required.
    by law. No one else should have proxies, to me. Guests, witnesses have their place. And people not there, are not there. Some should not be made to seem as important as the couple, which downgrades everyone else as not so important.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca Online ·
    • Flag

    I vote teddy bear!

    If the quality of the livestream will be better for her with the professional, then you don't want to risk it dropping on her at some crucial moment.

    Also, you could get 2 teddies - one for you and one for her, and that way, you'll both always have a connection!

    • Reply
  • Evelyn
    Dedicated March 2021
    Evelyn ·
    • Flag
    As Covid-19 brides go stress free! See her when you can and do not use iPad or cut out! Tacky and stressful.


    Mail her the teddy bear.
    Best of luck and stay safe
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    It is all about being happy with those there, not unhappy about those missing, when guests are present.
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2021
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    The teddy bear is adorable! I would sit it in the first row, not next to the other bridesmaids and you because that could be distracting for the audience.
    A close friend had a similar situation with an overseas friend unable to attend a few years back. She prerecorded a video speech for the wedding and FaceTimed in during the reception to “take pictures” with us via the iPad. Someone in the audience (not wedding party or family) held the iPad for her to watch via FaceTime during the ceremony. Overall it was really sweet and avoided any creepy cardboard heads!
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