Split Families

They should be able to be adults. There will be many occasions they will need to be together (holidays, birthdays, etc). As a step-mom myself, when my daughter married (we have hers, his, and our daughters) I was grateful for any inclusion but was mindful not to step on her bio mom’s toes. I didn’t help with planning but did a reading and was included in the processional as well as the getting ready festivities. I can’t stand her mom but we can get along at social gatherings.

Mine and my FH parents are both divorced so I feel you here... My parents are civil but his are not. Luckily, they live in different states so they don’t have to come in contact during the planning process. We will be placing them on different sides and tables for the seating arrangement but they are both very kind people (just don’t get along) so we know they will put aside their issues for one day. I’m most concerned about the months leading up to the wedding... but I try to involve every parent in most of my decisions just so they know my FH and I aren’t picking sides or favoring one parent over the other. I think it’s all about being aware of their feelings and inclusivity (:

Invite them shopping and tell them that if they can’t act like mature adults, they will be asked to leave.

I did certain activities with my mom and certain activities with my stepmom. Yes they should be able to be civil adults but they’re not.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. Level set expectations beforehand. Weddings can get political (my dad brought his new gf now wife to my brother's wedding and my mom was NOT having it. But their divorce was fresh). She was still friendly at the wedding though, even though she was hurting.

Tell them to play nice. With the exception of the actual wedding, this experience is usually one of the more meaningful days for a bride. They both love you, let them show it. But definitely give them your expectations

I would not expect them to both come shopping with you. I would invite whomever had more of a role in raising you

I would lay down boundaries since you want them both there and it seems to be important to you. Tell them from the start that they are there because you want their support but if anyone starts any drama, they will no longer be invited and stand your ground. They don't have to like each other but they can be adults and be civil.

Don't you wish sometimes that you could tell your parents to grow up? 😉

Make it clear that they are there to support you, not be rivals or enemies.

If they cannot abide by that simple behavioral standard, then they are politely invited to stay away until they can both be adults.

My side doesn't have this issue because everyone acts like adults and gets along, but my husband's family doesn't always have that luxury. In the very beginning I informed every family member that it didn't matter how important they were to us, if they caused drama with another family member they wouldn't be invited to the wedding or participating in anything else. I didn't really care if it offended them, I wasn't going to deal with 50+ year olds acting like children. Everything ended up going really well!

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Omg, this. YESS! hahaha