Spiritual post ahead

I personally would wait as your marriage won’t be blessed until your big ceremony in May. I’m probably in the minority here though.

By signing legal paperwork, you do have a wedding/ceremony and it is disrespectful to those who chose that route.

Whatever you do in May is a renewal of vows, not a wedding. You will be legally married in April so move in then. Please do not lead family and friends to believe that you are not already married at that point.

Every couple we know who has gone this route views the legal signing as the official anniversary. That is when you became married.

(Full disclosure, I was raised Christian, but am not any longer.)

I think this will largely come down to what feels right to you and what sits best in your heart and on your conscience. If it feels best to you to wait until you’ve had the religious ceremony, then do that. I have several friends who, for various reasons, had to have civil and religious ceremonies on different days. All of them treat the date of their religious ceremony as their wedding anniversary - the civil marriage was merely necessary legal paperwork.

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Lol we are minority. thank you for the feedback! definitely something to consider.

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We are literally paying half the fee because we're not having a ceremony.

thanks for your comment.

Curious as to why wedding wire changed my post's title? lol

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Yeah to us May 28 is the date dear to our hearts. thank you for your feedback!

Marriage as defined by the government vs the church are 2 different things. Just because they usually align to the same timeline, doesn’t mean they have to (eg. Sadly, some same sex marriages). The legal process is a marriage, and that is all that many people chose to do, but that also doesn’t discredit anyone who doesn’t recognize a marriage until it is blessed by the church. You don’t involve the government in any other religious milestones, like baptism, so it seems a little strange to prioritize their validation of this event? Your wedding on May 28th is a marriage as seen by your faith, so it sounds like waiting until then may be more comfortable for you, but it is really up to you and FH how you want to view it, congrats ☺️

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Kristen . . you just put my thoughts into words. thank you so much!!

I am a Christian as well. I would say when you believe the two of you are married in your mind. if you waited til your wedding night for sex/ sleeping together then thats the date you could use.
I live on the 3rd floor of my apartment building, fiance lives on 1st floor. After we get married may 8, we will go on our honeymoon may8-15, when we come back we will move his king size bed upstairs and the rest of his stuff. But he is moving non essential things up now, like all of his board games and gaming shelf...

View Quoted Comment Yes!! This exactly!!

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You're not alone LOL.

"when to move in": I agree with Cassidy's rep. since you've waited so long doing things "the right way" . It's the best bet.

This is very personal so it's totally up to you, but I would want to wait until after the blessing to move in. I'm a devout Christian and am focused more on the spiritual union than the legal one (we are doing both also)

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Yeah this makes sense. wow he's moving far lol! yeah I might just take my non essentials to the apartment. thank you for the feedback!

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Thank you Fredolino! I think you're right.

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Thank you Elizabeth! you guys are just confirming my thoughts

There is no right way.


We also had to get married legally before our church wedding. We went to the courthouse on March, 1. The church wedding was March, 20. For us the church wedding is the one that counts and that's when I moved in with my husband. We also didn't exchange rings at the courthouse and we didn't acted married, didn't call eachother husband and wife and so on. I couldn't have imagined it any other way. It was so special to move in with my husband after the wedding and start married life then.

My faith is very important to me and the church wedding was very important to me and the step of making a vow before God and the church is huge and to me that's what makes a marriage. However, I also believe we are to follow the laws in the country we live in and I do believe when you get married at the courthouse you are totally married in God's eyes and it's "allowed" to move in. But for me personally the big church wedding wouldn't make sense and wouldn't be meaningful if I had lived and acted already married.

Where I come from in Europe you can't just get married at church. Everyone needs to have a legal ceremony at the registrars office first. Most people only have a few days before the two ceremonies, but sometimes for whatever reasons a longer time is between those two ceremonies. Some people start living together, some people don't.

I guess it all depends on your personal convictions. If you're not sure ralk with your fiancé/pastor/parents/ ...

Another question I have is: Why do you have to marry legally earlier? I am sure you don't have to. Is it more convenient? Financial reasons?

You don't have to answer here. Just think about it. You mentioned "doing things right" is important to you. So, I wonder if that's the right way or not?
I wish I didn't have two wedding dates. But we couldn't see a different way and felt it's okay for us. It's not a big deal but sometimes a little confusing. Also, don't hide the fact you got legally married before the big ceremony. We told people when it came up but not everyone knows.

I would personally move in when married... not the celebration after the fact.

Depending on your state, the civil marriage will be more than just a signature. Most state have vows that you have to make. There are a few states that allow you to just simply sign your names without and officiant though.