South Asian weddings: What did you drop?

@mrsd17 I don't think OP meant to come off that way.

traditional south asians wedding can very extravagant, tons of colorful decorations hundreds of guests usually around 2-400 range or more , I've seen some with elephants or other animals at the wedding. They party for like 3 days straight sometimes.

@OP Sorry I can't help with this but also just wanted to say sorry if you receive negative comments and you are just looking for advice ....

Oh come on. You're offended by that? Grow up

South Asian weddings are very different from Any American wedding period. As OP and PP stated they are usually many days long and have huge guest lists up to the 500 range. OPs post was not offensive.

@MrsD how many American weddings have you been to with multi day events and over 200 guests? I've been to zero.

Indian weddings are huge. My best friend is Indian and has been to some of these weddings. They can be hundreds of people and they can be days long. Definitely a part of the minority on WW.

I'm not offended by OP's post at all, as it's not presumptive. The "conventional" American wedding is not days long or 300-400 guests. I'm so surprised that anyone would find any offense in this post, the OP did not come off that way to me at all.

@OP sorry, I don't have any suggestions!

MrsD17 nothing in OP's post was offensive. That's ridiculous. A conventional American wedding has exactly one ceremony and one reception, with all other things being optional or limited to VIPs (rehearsal dinner, for example).

If you feel attacked by this post, it's your own problem.

Sorry, OP. I don't have any advice, but am really looking forward to more of your posts about your wedding and how you decide to include your different cultures!

There was nothing offensive about OP's post. She is stating what is obvious fact for anyone who is familiar with traditional South Asian weddings. They are nothing like American weddings in format, guest list or ceremony parts.

You COULD incorporate readings and traditions into a more western ceremony. We've done many of these, with the Mehndhi done privately the night before, and then readings, the Garland and Seven Steps at the end of the ceremony. Too bad the white horse has to go.....

And cut the guest list mercilessly. And as I believe we've been discussing; consumption bar. And no hosting relatives in terms of hotels, etc.

The bottom line here is that no, you probably can't afford the multi day extravaganza for hundreds of people. I think if you go in a totally different direction people will understand.

@MrsD-have you been to a South Asian wedding? I (as a white girl) knew exactly what she was asking about, but didn't want to presume to answer knowing there are several South Asian couples on here.

Most SA weddings are multi-day, multi-faith, huge (300-500 people) events. I've been to many, many weddings in my life, but an SA wedding is more of a spectacle and an honour to go to if you are not part of that culture.

Thanks for the education. I stand corrected and will remove my post.

So, we also decided to pass on Sangeet and Baraat, but will still be holding Mehndi. We didn't do an engagement party either. I think it's really just up to personal preference, but your guests will probably understand cutting those ceremonies out.

Girl, I know the feeling. Vietnamese weddings is just one day but definitely much more extravagant than an American wedding. We are estimating 500 guests. Two ceremonies: tea ceremony and Catholic Church. Then we have the reception with 6-8 course meals! We decided not to the engagement party because that alone would've been 200 guests. That's like a mini wedding!

MrsD17 you were very polite to accept your criticism with such grace but don't delete posts it makes it hard to read and someone else could learn from your mistake. Op- good luck with your wedding iv worked at a few Indian weddings and they are quite a production but I'm sure your family would understand your decisions, you could try and combine your cultures into one very special ceremony instead of multiple.

Ok @Victoria A, thank you again for the education.

I have a close friend who owns a wedding planning business and most, if not all, of her events are South Asian. When I see the pictures afterwards, I'm always in awe of the beauty and tradition involved. There was one wedding she did where the groom went through downtown Columbus on an elephant. It looked so amazing. I also don't have any advice for you, but I am excited to see pictures of your BAM. Have fun planning!!!!

Well. Mrsd17 hid her post so I can only assume what it said.

It's easier said than done, but the best way is to cut the guest list. Many friends have had destination weddings (even within the US) as a way to try to keep the guest list down. We originally wanted two ceremonies, but when we realized the additional cost and logistical problems, we scrapped that idea. I agree with keeping all pre-wedding events low key, and it sounds like you're on the right track. We also decided not to host any wedding guests. It helps that the venue is about 1 hour away from our home, and on our wedding web site, we had an "accommodations" tab where we listed hotel information.

My partner has an Indian father so I feel your pain. We've been to weddings in the us where both sides were Indian and some where one person is Indian. The problem is that most of those people had rather wealthy families. We only recently began brainstorming options, but I was thinking maybe we'd do the baraat and maybe bundle elements of the sangeet into a rehearsal dinner situation? I'm white and his parents want to plan something in India as well do that takes some pressure off of how many element we incorporate. I am personally a little worried about the long Hindu ceremony taking up a lot of the space rental hours. Do your parents have strong opinions on what you include?

No advice here but please post photos!! I love how extravagant and colorful these weddings are!!

I'm having my Indian-western fusion wedding next weekend! It's been fun to plan, basically two weddings in one day. We are having a Hindu ceremony, brunch, western ceremony and reception in the same day. It was much more affordable to do it in one day and to make sure most of our friends could be there (we are doctors in residency so it makes it hard for a lot of our friends to get two days in a row off).

What we are doing:

Mehndi 2 days prior, only female guests (about 25) for henna, catered at a party room at our hotel venue. I'm doing music myself, no dancing or huge ordeal because it's just a small group.

Baraat- wasn't that expensive really, about $600 for horse and music.

Otherwise the ceremony and festivities are as I described before.

What we AREN'T doing:

Paying for out of town guests to fly here and/or lodging expenses (except FH parents)

Sangeet

Engagement party

Huge guest list- we invited about 150 and about 120 are coming.

I'll post a BAM and probably some more reflective advise after the wedding :-)

Thanks for all the warm wishes, everyone! Sorry for the late response. Alright here we go:

@Jamie: Very cool! I love fusion weddings So question - if you're doing a morning ceremony, were you able to successfully book an early morning hairstylist and make up artist? If so, what time will you need to get up for hair and make up? Are you doing any First Look or other photo sessions with or without your bridal party and/or families? I'd love to hear what you're doing if you have time! And have a wonderful wedding next weekend!

@OG Alecia: Thanks! Finding more South Asian brides will be really helpful! I filled out my profile with pictures and some details about us in the "our story" section. I love the name Alecia by the way

@mrsg - Thanks for the tips! Yeah, right now the 2 ceremony thing is an idea, but we don't know how much this will add to the cost as we won't be doing any actual wedding planning until the fall. It's awesome that you guys live so close to your wedding location, I'm sure that helps a ton. Unfortunately, we are in a long distance relationship and neither lives near the location (which is most likely going to my home town). So planning will most likely involve a few weekends of flying back and forth, as well as letting my parents do some of the work since they live close by.

@Sarah - Awesome, thanks! I think if we have a mehndhi it will just be really small and at home.