Sos. his family or mine?!

Would you consider doing a virtual ceremony for those that want travel i.e. the grandparents? I would suggest doing lovecast! It’s a virtual ceremony platform and it is SUPERRRR EASY for elderly people to use as well. As long as they have a phone that can receive text message all you have to do is send them the link in the text and they click on the link. Or if they have a computer you can send in an email and all they have to do is click once. They don’t have to register or anything like that. That way you can have your wedding where you want it and the grandparents will not have any issues I will be able to attend virtually instead.

This seems like an instance where you should plan the day you want and let the grandparents not attend. You can't plan your day around anyone other than you and FH or it becomes too complicated. Many elderly people are not go-with-the-flow, which is understandable, but they usually don't expect to be accommodated either. Don't stress about this, just pick the location you and FH want.

I honestly wouldn't plan the day around two people. I think you pick the destination that you not only want, but believe makes the most sense, and then if they decide they are unable to attend, that's their choice.

I love DJ's comment. That sounds like the best option for everyone.

This wedding is for you! Do what you want! Unless G & G are paying.

Plan the day you and fiance want. People travel all the time and others refuse. You cannot put your plans on hold for one group.

Don't plan your day around 2 people. I'd have the destination wedding you want, and his grandparents can join in virtually. Not being willing to stay in a hotel for a night is very unreasonable, and they shouldn't be holding your wedding hostage like that

I know exactly what you are dealing. I had to make the same difficult decision regarding my grandfather. I was raised by my grandparents and always thought my grandfather would walk me down the aisle. My grandmother passed away many years ago but my grandfather is still kicking at 97. 😁 He lives in Mississippi where I’m from. FH and I live in Tennessee. My mom lives in Florida. Basically everyone is scattered around everywhere.
FH and I decided that we wanted to get married in Gatlinburg. We have gone many times and it’s a special place to us. We begged and pleaded with my grandfather to make the trip. Even offered to rent a motor home so he could travel easier but he wouldn’t hear it. It wasn’t something he would even consider. That made it easier for us to decide we had made the right choice for us. Was I heartbroken that my grandfather wasn’t there? Yes I was. But the fact that he would not even hear any options we were offering to make it possible made it clear that my wedding wasn’t that important to him. He loves me and I know this. And I know if my grandmother were alive she wouldn’t have let anything keep them away. But it just wasn’t that important to grandpa. I had to accept that. I still love him with my whole heart.
So honestly if FH’s grandparents are not willing to make the effort to attend their grandson’s wedding then it simply isn’t that important to them and you should not be making decisions based on their choices. Yes it will be hard to come to that decision but I do think the compromise of Nashville is a good one for bother families. The individual family members need to make their own choices to come or not. Good luck to you!

Do what you want! If people really want to be there for you guys they will!

I would keep planning for TN. Grandparents can get over not sleeping in their bed or make a reaaaaal long day of travel to attend.

View Quoted Comment I have a 93 year old grandfather who I am very close with who likely won't attend. He just doesn't want to travel, feels too old for a wedding, is worried he will fall and ruin the wedding, all kinds of things. I was talking to him the othet day trying to talk him into it, but it probably won't work out. I love him and he loves me, but at his age, I think he wants to do what he wants and no longer does things he doesn't want.

View Quoted Comment

TOTALLY agree.Trying to accommodate his grandparents is great but don't forget your wants.

Some posters suggested a virtual ceremony: this is the perfect compromise.

This is your day and I think you need to plan it exactly how you and FH want. Don't worry about everyone else and their preferences. I definitely do not think you should center your wedding around two people who don't want to sleep in another bed. Sorry, but that's their choice and it sounds like nothing more than a preference. If they really want to be there, they'll go out of their comfort zone for a night or two. So my suggestion is for you and your FH to sit down and talk about your dream wedding. Only rule: don't bring up anyone else! Only talk about what you two want and it can't be because of anyone else. It sounds like you've only been thinking about others, so this will be a good start for planning YOUR wedding.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Elizabeth. In this case, you need to have the wedding you and your FH want. I could maybe understand if it's was a health issue or money, but it's because they don't want to sleep in a bed that's not their own? Yeah no....I'd have the wedding I wanted and not change the location because a couple of people want to sleep in their own bed. There's plenty of platforms that allow you to livestream your wedding, so if they want to be that stubborn, just politely let them know that you'll miss them, but they'll be able to attend virtually.

THANK YOU ALL !

It may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think of grandparents as being immediate family or necessary to accommodate plans around. In this case, its also not that they can't travel, but that they won't.

Disenfranchising your entire family and making it more difficult for them to attend your wedding just because two extended members of your FH's family choose not to travel is completely unfair to you. Have the wedding in Tennessee, in a place that means something to both of you and that is roughly equidistant from where your families are located. His grandparents can decide whether their grandson's wedding is worth one night in a hotel or not. You should not plan your entire wedding around them.