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Devoted October 2019

Soon to be step daughters

Bridget, on August 13, 2019 at 9:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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So when we made our guest list both of my future step daughters 18 & 20. (also bridesmaids) were in relationships. They have now both broken up. The 18year old is still hanging around with this”ex” I mean like all the time. She’s going on vacation with his family next week. I asked her what the deal was because I was wondering about his invite. She was lije oh no we’re not together but we’re friends. Implying he should come. I said the invites are for people in relationships I don’t want to spend $200 on a friend and her sister doesn’t have a friend invited. The younger one, I honestly think has a social anxiety disorder. I love her dearly and she talks to me but she’s not good in social situations. My fiancé just told me we should invite the “ex”. The two girls don’t get along that well and I feel like if we invite the “ex” the older one will be upset she isn’t brining a friend.
Ugh!!

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on August 15, 2019 at 7:46 PM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 13, 2019 at 9:28 PM
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I wouldn’t fight it. Picking your battles is important and this wouldn’t be my hill to die on.
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Expert January 2020
Abby · on August 13, 2019 at 10:02 PM
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To avoid one feeling hurt I wouldn’t invite this friend. Especially if she’s 18 and he’s already been an ex once. I have two sisters and neither were allowed to be my MOH to avoid hurt feelings. With sisters feelings can get hurt easily and it can really upset her and it can blow up big time especially if they already don’t get along.
Im glad you are trying to avoid making one upset!! Keep the peace😊😊
Good luck!
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Super July 2020
D · on August 13, 2019 at 10:19 PM
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Have you asked the younger one if she wants to bring a friend? I know it's costly but you mentioned she may have social anxiety. It could be beneficial for her on that day in particular. Something to consider.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 13, 2019 at 10:43 PM
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I would also make accommodations for the younger daughter first. However, I think inviting the ex would be the polite thing to do!
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on August 13, 2019 at 10:43 PM
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If she has a social anxiety problem I would let her bring him. It may make her be more comfortable.
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Super July 2020
D · on August 13, 2019 at 11:54 PM
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I meant that. I had the ages backwards.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on August 14, 2019 at 1:47 AM
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Instead of inviting the ex by name, why not just give both girls a plus one and then they can decide who they want to bring? I also have 2 stepdaughters that were that same age when I got married. The 20 year old was in a relationship so we invited her boyfriend by name, but the 18 year old was not so we gave her a plus one. She was planning on bringing one of her friends but in the end she decided not to come at all because of her social anxiety. I would definitely let them each invite someone though.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on August 14, 2019 at 8:50 AM
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Agree with this. Just give them plus ones and be done with it. They are your soon to be daughters, so they should get a little extra VIP treatment that you wouldn't normally extend to regular guests.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 14, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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I think let her invite the ex and let the other one have a friend. Yes it costs money but you invited two additional people with the girls the first time, they were already accounted for in your estimates.
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on August 15, 2019 at 7:46 PM
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I agree with PPs. Give them both a plus one and keep the peace. They’re going to be your step-daughters and this gesture will go a long way. Are you picking anyone else’s plus one? My point is, you don’t give someone a plus one so you can decide who they bring, you give a plus one so they can enjoy your day with their chosen person. Don’t think of it as spending $200 on “just a friend,” think of it as spending that money to make your FSD feel comfortable on your big day. If one has social anxiety, then I’m sure this offer is needed much more than you realize. I think you need to think as a parent in this situation, and not a bride to be. If their father is saying invite the ex, then go by his example and extend the plus one to both. If the girls don’t get along, this could also help prevent any conflicts on the day, as they will both be occupied with their own guest! I will also note that good bridal etiquette says all wedding party persons should be allowed a plus one.
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