Social anxiety and venue hunting

What specifically makes you nervous or anxious about it?

View Quoted Comment I don't really know. I guess not saying the right things or asking the right questions maybe. I've always struggled with stuff like this and it just seems to be more than usual lately.

I get it. I shake when I have to make a phone call. I can email ok though because it’s not live. Just remember you are the bride. They are here for you and they want your business. You can say Good morning, I am getting married in April 2021 and I’m interested in your venue. Please send me your packages and pricing. It’s pretty neutral and then you can make a list of questions to email them back later. If they don’t respond in a reasonable amount of time just move on to the next one. It happens sometimes.

View Quoted Comment

if it helps, wedding wire has this list of questions to ask a venue and they're pretty standard so knowing that these are standard questions you may have, i don't think they'll take anything you say wrongly: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/12-questions-to-ask-a-wedding-venue

Thank y'all that helps a lot!

Research online ahead of time for questions to ask your venue before reaching out to them. This would give you a prepared list to keep the discussion going if you choose to tour the venue, and also questions you can ask in an email. Wedding venues are used to being asked all kinds questions, and they want to provide you all the info you need in order for you to make a decision. I typically prefer email, not just because I can proofread everything before sending it and make sure I'm wording things the way I want to, but then I also have their responses in writing in case I need to go back to it later.

Get a family or friend to help you initiate and tour venues!

I emailed all of the venues we toured prior to visiting. The introductions via email have all been very easy - at the end of the day, they want our money - so they'll likely be REALLY nice to us! Especially with everything going on, they need to book any and every bride that shows ups for a tour. It's their business! So walk in there with confidence and be honest, you don't know what to ask because this is your first!! (And hopefully last) wedding!

And if anyone is rude to you or doesn't give you a positive vibe either in person, over the phone, or email, don't give them your business. Plain and simple! Best of luck to you. Enjoy the journey!

Do you have a friend or family member who can do this with you? They can be your "wedding planner" and ask questions on your behalf.


All my initial inquiries were by email and were the exact same template. Hello, my name is __. I am in the initial stages of wedding planning and would like more information about your services, availability, and pricing. We are planning to get married [insert date, month, or season] with approximately X guests. I look forward to your response.

If emailed responses look good and it's time to make calls, get your "wedding planner" to call (you can be on three way or in the room together on speaker). You can write all the questions you have in advance and your friend/family can ask them. By being there for the call, you can hear the answers yourself and speak up if you get comfortable during the call. The internet and sites like this are great for finding email templates and questions to ask vendors.

Just call them up like you own the place. I used to get like this. What I used to do was call places when I was pissed off about something. For whatever reason when I was really mad or having a bad day I tended to just not give a s and only care about myself and so I would really just lay it into people On any questions that I had, what I wanted, and can it be done. Just be super direct with them and pretty stern. Sometimes if you have the idea of being stern in your head that will help to. Just know that you’re in control. Don’t let anyone D you around.

View Quoted Comment Thank you that helps a lot. I have asked for help and multiple people have said they would but then show no interest is actually helping and I don't want to push them into doing something they don't really want to do.

I totally feel you! I hate having to contact people and I was dreading venue hunting. I’m better at email but I had my mom proof read emails for me 😅
We only actually went to one venue-and it was exactly what we wanted, so I lucked out! I took my brother and sister-in-law along with me, which was helpful as they’re much more confident interacting with people than I am, and they knew what kind of questions to ask since they got married just a few years ago. Good luck!!!

Maybe you can get a family member or friend to help you. Or even your fiancé just to help take the ease off. Don’t sress yourself out.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Have someone there who can help you out and step in with questions as needed. But also be prepared with a list the questions for each vendor that you want answered.

Is your fiancé/e more comfortable talking to people? If so, maybe you can do the research and they can handle the first contacts?
Also, if your anxiety is getting worse, it's probably a good idea to talk to your doctor about it. (I know that would require calling, but if you already have a doctor, at least it's someone you know. If you don't have a doctor but you do have insurance, you can find a doctor online who takes your insurance and request that they call you.) I take medication for anxiety and it makes it a lot easier to do things without feeling like I can't breathe.
Another thing that helps me is yoga, which you can do at home. I use myyogaworks.com which I would definitely recommend ($15/month unlimited classes), but if you do some research you might also be able to find some free classes.

I can handle email but phone calls make me want to puke. I have started writing all the questions I have on a tablet and then just pointing to the ones so my FW asks them when I want her to(:

Outside of contacting and meeting with vendors, will your social anxiety be a struggle on the actual wedding day? For example will you be able to comfortably walk down the aisle? Repeat your vows in front of guests? Dance? Mingle? Just asking because those seem like important areas to address before booking vendors and planning a “social” event such as a wedding.

I'm so bad at talking on the phone that I usually have to write myself a script to make sure I don't mess it up.

I did a little bit when I had to speak with them in person bc I literally had no idea what to ask them. Lol. I would send an email first then go from there. Email is also easier to keep all the venues in one place. That way you can compare them.


Something like, “Hello. My name is ____. I’m getting married on ____. I’m currently shopping around for venues. Is my date available? If so, can you send me your pricing and packages? Thank you!”
The venues want your business, so they will make sure your needs are met.

Have your furture husband do it.