So people seriously do this?!

ABSOLUTELY! i see this so much. people somehow think it's NOT an exclusive event

if it happens, just say unfortunately you can't accommodate additional guests due to guest list limit restrictions or due to it being just immediate family and friends, etc.

Wow. It sad how many people do that. I am so sorry. Tell them no.

It's crazy how people do this! I recommend contacting those people directly to say something along the lines of, "While we'd love to be able to include everyone, COVID gathering restrictions are forcing us to severely limit our guest list, and we unfortunately aren't able to invite you/give you a plus one."

Unfortunately, it's more common than you might think and it's so sad. You just need to be honest and tell them that it's invite only. If they are not invited or are invited without a +1 being stated, then it's because you can not accommodate. If they feel some kind of way about that, then that's their business.

View Quoted Comment If I could go back and change anything, it would be on the invitation/rsvp that we have reserved x amount of seats for said person! I’m shocked, but I’m not at something like this. Initially my FH didn’t understand why I was so mad/upset about his aunt including the gfs of 2 of her 3 sons on the rsvp. Her invitation said her name and boys. That’s it! There was nothing saying or okaying additional people/dates. It bothered me even more that she didn’t even ask my FH and/or I, she said something to my FMIL.

Yes they do. Most people don't care about manners on an average day and even less so at formal event, viewing a wedding as an event where everyone you've met in your lifetime is obligated to attend whether they're invited formally or not. In high school, at one wedding I was a last minute plus one (guest of the groom's parents) and the couple didn't have an issue since they weren't paying for a full dinner. It was one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. Many of the bride's guests did not show so it worked out in the end. But if that had not been the case, I agree that it would be very rude.

Ugh yeah that would drive me crazy! Our own officiant brought her fiancé to our elopement... She mentioned she'd be bringing him 2 months before, and I told her we don't want anyone else there, especially due to covid. But low and behold, on the day of he was there. I told her to have him wait in the car. Who wants some random person at their wedding? NOT ME!

I’m sorry! My cousin had this happen! People just don’t understand. My grandma and mom got into a discussion about it, because my grandma had like 300 guests to her catholic ceremony and didn’t understand that my cousin was limiting to immediate family and close friends only with a call at 65.

View Quoted Comment It just baffles me!! I would never dream of pulling a stunt like that. My stepbrother was sent an invitation with only his name on it, and on the rsvp, his girlfriend added herself to it. This wouldn’t be such a huge deal if she wasn’t a raging, dramatic, B who’s driven a HUGE wedge in our family. She was intentionally not invited. I do have a message ready to go to my brother stating


“Hey Brother! I got your rsvp and see that Alison included herself on it. No hard feelings or anything but your invite was sent strictly to just you. Unfortunately due to covid we have a very limited headcount that doesn’t allow for deviation. So unless a couple is engaged or married we’re not allowing for plus 1’s”

Yes! One of our groomsmen's girlfriend of 3 months did this! The invite was very clear. It was only addressed to the groomsmen and the RSVP card only had his name out of one. Then when we told her she can not come she posted on facebook about how "disappointed she was with us!" She wanted us to un invite one of our family members so she could come. We only met this girl once and when we did she was drinking and trying to start fist fights with everyone in her path.

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Oh wow. With a history like that, I guess I can understand why you intentionally left her out. I know it's sad that it's come down to that and I know there's nothing you can do about it now but I had found some RSVPs that strictly specified how many seats were reserved. I feel like some of my family might end up doing the same thing.

Like it's not just some random party where the more the merrier. This is a wedding that costs per head and they just don't always understand. As for your brother's gf, I really hope that works out for you and she doesn't just show up or something.

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Apparently, either they both come or it's neither of them. This is so incredibly frustrating! My parent's know about this and neither of them can stand her either. However, my mom feels that I should just let it be, "i know we talked about this a while ago... Not my favorite person but on the flip side we really want your brother to be there. Maybe this is a little step in the right direction for all our children to be siblings again. I'm sorry and know your frustrations with the number of people and limits for your beautiful day". So I feel like I'm pretty much just supposed to rollover and accept the fact. I don't feel or think it's fair that we have to sacrifice people who we truly want at our wedding because this girl decided to invite herself. I'm so frustrated!

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I totally understand. In general, yes, it's the right thing to do. It's honestly up to you. If you really want your brother there then I guess it would make sense, considering they're still together, that she be invited. It's unfortunate. Otherwise, I feel like your brother would feel reluctant to go for that reason alone.

That is beyond rude!! People should know that you must be invited to a wedding & if they don’t say “& guest” on your invitation, then you don’t bring another person! So sorry this happened. It’s beyond frustrating!

This is why I went with a website that would only allow someone to include an RSVP for the exact people I list. I didn't want any random add ons.

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That's awesome! What website did you end up using? It's too late for us to do that now, but this will be the one thing I preach/advise about when other bride-to-be's ask me about wedding planning! That was an option on my wedding website, but I deactivated it because it only let the person RSVP yes/no, and we're having a plated dinner, so I needed to know their meal choices.

At the same time, as frustrating as it is, many people are offended when someone's gf/bf/spouse is left off the invite as they are a social unit. There really isn't a polite way to only invite one half of the couple.


If someone is a chronic dater who has a new interest every week, they are invited alone. Anyone in what they deem to be a serious relationship should be invited as a couple regardless of length of time (more than a couple months) as it's not for you to decide what the criteria is.
Invite both halves and if one person is that much of a problem, either they (the troublemaker) will decide not to attend or utilize security if they show up and make a scene.

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I can understand your points. Little does she know that I'm marrying a law enforcement officer and there will be serval in attendance. So if a problem occurs, she will be escorted out and not allowed back.

Yes!! I had this issue! People just assumed they would be given a plus one! I had to make it clear that unless you are in a long term relationship or won’t know anyone else, there’s no plus one. Now with restrictions, it was made easier for us to explain the situation to people. So annoying!

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WeddingWire's websites do this! I have tested it out using my mom's name and there is no way to add your name. You can leave a comment but unless your name is on there it does not pop up. I'm so thankful for this.

My FH lives in Milwaukee and we live in Minneapolis. The visit to Wisconsin after we got engaged gave me such a headache. His grandma commented about how some of her friends would not be willing to drive to Eau Claire, which is where we are getting married because it's in the middle for everyone (since we'll have people from many midwest states.) It took all my willpower to resist saying "Good thing they're not invited". Then the next day we had lunch with his mom and she mentioned how one of her friends was going to crash if not invited. My FH reminded me in the car that if anyone is not supposed to be there he will just let me stepdad know. (He is 6'8 and a security guard for a hospital. I'm sure all he has to do is let the person know that they should leave). It's so frustrating that we had not even been engaged for a month and all these people were inviting themselves to our wedding that didn't even have a finalized guest list.

I'm sorry that you're also going through this. I hope your FH is on your team as well because that makes it sooooooo much easier! Goodluck!