So, my fmil has ordered a white dress

Oh no! Maybe ask her to show you a photo of it? Hopefully it's more blue on top than what was described.

I've seen so many of these posts lately and I can't even fathom someone wearing white to a wedding and thinking that it's okay!

Since it's your FH's mom, can he talk to her about it and figure out why she decided to go with the only color that is universally known to be off limits for weddings? If she did do this on purpose it might make things worse if you talk to her extensively about it. Like Melinda said, maybe it's more blue on top than what you think and at the very least it'll break up some of that white!

I know it's hard to wrap your head around and it's not super comforting, but your advice to the other poster is the same in this situation. If she doesn't change and decides to wear this white dress she will be the one who looks bad. Let FH handle this if he can. I know if that happened in my family someone would be calling the person out for being nuts lol.

What is FMIL‘s heritage? I only ask because I have a close friend who is of Greek heritage (but born here in the US) who truly had no idea it was taboo to wear white to a wedding. I think in many other cultures this is not a thing. Also, if she hasn’t been to a lot of weddings, perhaps she isn’t aware that female guests tend to shy away from wearing shades of white to weddings. I remember the first wedding I attended when I was much younger- my mother wasn’t feeling well so I attended with my father; and I was just going to wear a pretty cream dress I had in my closet. If my mom hadn’t come out to tell us goodbye and seen my dress, I wouldn’t have known this was a no-no (and my dad, being a man, didn’t realize this either). This truly could just be completely innocent.
Or, perhaps the blue details are more prominent than what is described, or the style of the dress is so definitively nothing like a wedding gown, that your FMIL feels it will be appropriate, and will in no way compete for attention with you.
It sounds as though you have a positive relationship with your FMIL, so I would give her the benefit of the doubt that this is an oversight, and in no way a dig at you. If you are worried about the dress, I would bring it up to FMIL casually, like “ so-and-so said they saw your dress. I would love to see it too!” If you see the dress and it truly bothers you, have your fiancé speak to her about it. The solution could be as easy as a simple fabric dye.

She probably thinks the blue print makes it ok.


I've seen a lot of guests post photos of dresses that have a white background with a pattern, and the replies almost unanimously say it's fine to wear as a guest.
Worst case scenario, dye it or Photoshop. Have your FH lightly ask why she wants to look like she's marrying her own son

Perhaps she is seeking attention. No one should be wearing a floor length, mostly white dress to a wedding.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry! Did you happen to see the dress yet? Maybe have a look to see how much white there is since you said there is some blue... If she really wants to wear it since it is custom made then I would see if she is open to dying it a different color? I'm not sure how to go about that though because I've only ever seen brides do that online on YouTube lol. But if anything ask around! Hopefully someone you know can do it or someone is able to give you recommendations.

I doubt she can return it if its custom made, so unfortunately in this case, its probably too late to do anything about. But yes I would be really mad if someone wore a wannabe-wedding dress to my wedding. Its just not something one does.

Thanks everyone for responding! I've calmed down a little by now. I haven't seen the dress myself, but I don't want to ask to see it, because if it's really as described then I won't be able to control my face. I guess I will ask FH if he could ask to see it and then we'll see what he says.


This whole thing seems so absurd, I honestly thought that this was something that only happens in movies.

View Quoted Comment LOL, I might tell him to ask her that

I just want to offer something that may or may not make you feel better.

If I went to a wedding, as a guest, and saw another guest in white... I would just roll my eyes and say to my husband "look at this tactless piece of..."

If your FMIL wears white, she is the one who is going to look like a jackass. No one actually thinks that someone else wearing white "upstages" the bride. Everyone knows who they're there for, and the bride will always outshine any guest, even one in a white Cinderella ballgown. The only attention that will be paid to such a guest will be negative, and it will be brief.

View Quoted Comment

I completely agree with this! I went to a wedding where an older guest wore an ankle length white, beaded dress and white shoes. Everyone was side-eying her and wondering what on earth she was thinking. She clearly wasn't going to be confused with the bride since she was a good 30 years older, but everyone was like... WHY? There are so many colours you could pick!

It definitely reflected poorly on her and not on the bride in any way.

Also, I hope your fiance sees it and its totally fine, but if not, the only option is to be like, "mum, you can't possibly wear that - it's white!" in a horrified tone, or have another family member do it.

She’s going to get talked about soooooo bad! What is it with these MILs and their obsession with their sons? I am annoyed for you… because out of alll the colors she just HAD to get a CUSTOM MADE white gown?! Ugh! So the wine spill is always an option lol but honestly she’s going to make such a fool of herself! I hope whoever gives the speech at your wedding has some humor and throws some indirects in there… or hopefully there are some “no filter” family members that will do all of the dirty work for you. For the record, don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings regarding this matter are invalid.

View Quoted Comment It does actually make me feel better, thank you!

View Quoted Comment I know right? It being custom made just makes it weirder. I've never actually put her down as THAT sort of MIL, and I've known her for 7 years, but apparently you cannot ever really know a person... The wine spill is still on the list. 😈 And I'm pretty sure my Man of Honour won't be able to hold back.

View Quoted Comment I told my 13 year old daughter about this and she was like “OMG NOOOO, everyone knows you don’t wear white to a wedding!!” I swear it seems as if once you decide to get married and have a wedding there is always some family/friend drama or shade that follows! High five to the Man of Honor, he’s a real one if he doesn’t let this slide! 👏🏼💯 (Not to encourage drama, but seriously though- this made my blood boil for you!)

I am sorry but I do think she is looking to bring attention to herself. Honestly, it is inappropriate. In any case, I would be upfront about it with her. I would tell her that I do not feel comfortable as the attention that day should be on the bride and groom.


I had one friend that asked me if she could wear a red one. I was wondering why she asked me. And then she clarified that because she was so tall, blonde and blue eyes, she would steal all attention from the bride with a red tight dress. It was the same friend that when I invited to find a wedding dress she said that she would also try some (even though she doesn’t even have a boyfriend). The nerve of some people.

I had to deal with this situation for my Minimony. MIL asked me and the hubs SIX DIFFERENT TIMES what the dress code was. And every time I responded "Dressy casual. Parents are wearing darker colors. No white." And she shows up in a formal, light silver, floor length dress. *smh* My SIL told me (well in advance) that she had to remind her "no white" a handful of times for her wedding as well. It turns out, my MIL is a narcissist, so this isn't shocking behavior (it mean, it is... but you get the point). When my hubby and I do our bigger, more formal, "party" wedding with everyone, I'm making everyone wear black so there is no confusion. LOL (only kind of joking...)

I would suggest asking your FH to talk to her (if the relationship is there for him to do so). Perhaps she isn't aware that wearing white (or something close to it) is taboo.