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Beginner March 2021

So. Many. Restrictions.

Olivia, on February 27, 2020 at 2:03 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 19

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Since when did it become such a huge thing for churches and other venues to be SO strict.

9 of the 10 churches I’ve looked at will hardly even let you choose anything for yourself. Coming from someone who has been raised in church all my life, I never would’ve imagined that churches would be so closed off.
They want you to use their pastors, musicians, songs and coordinators - but you still have to pay thousands of dollars for it...I guess I don’t understand why you would pay for someone to dictate every detail of your day like that.
I understand certain restrictions so things don’t go beyond what the church believes - as in alcohol and dancing. But I can’t see why it’s required for a stranger to be the one to marry you, etc.
Has anyone else ran into this problem? It’s getting really discouraging. 😞

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19 Comments

Latest activity by Willow, on February 27, 2020 at 11:52 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on February 27, 2020 at 2:09 PM
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A lot of venues will only allow you to use their vendors or charge a lot for bringing outside vendors in. Could just be a partnership they have with those specific vendors. Maybe they profit from use of their vendors.
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 27, 2020 at 2:10 PM
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Maybe look into churches outside your hometown. Or look into a getting married at a venue where you'd be able to dictate all those things. To me that seems more of a win.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on February 27, 2020 at 2:14 PM
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To me it’s not weird that churches require use of their pastor, musicians and coordinators. If you can’t get married at the church where the pastor you want preaches then I would look into nondenominational chapels.
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:17 PM
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Yes, agreed. Church wedding is important to us, but it’s just becoming difficult to find one that will let us even use our own pastor. The church we attend is too small unfortunately or we would have it there with no problem. 😕
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 27, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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Maybe scaling down your guest list to use your pastor and church?
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:22 PM
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Yes true, I’m looking at some nondenominational churches in the area. It just surprised me that you’re paying thousands of dollars to rent the building and can’t even have your own pastor. We even had a pastor tell us we couldn’t have a song in our ceremony because it wasn’t religious enough. Having to run every detail of the entire day through someone you’re paying that much money, blows my mind a little.
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:24 PM
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We would love to - unfortunately our church is very small - we can barely fit 100 people in there (and that’s with adding chairs).
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on February 27, 2020 at 2:26 PM
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I understand! Those are unfortunately some things you have to make compromises on when you get married in a church. Is there a reason you don’t want to get married at a secular venue? I don’t view churches as just a building to rent, I view it as wanting that pastor and everything that comes with that building usually because of a connection to that church.
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 27, 2020 at 2:27 PM
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You must be planning a large wedding! Ours is list only 50.
Seems like I would sacrifice the venue and have your desired pastor, decorations, and so on.
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:30 PM
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We grew up in church and we want base our marriage on our relationship with God. So it’s always been our first choice to get married in a church. I can see what you mean about it being a church chosen because of a connection with the church itself.
I guess we are just in a different position trying to find one that works in our area that we don’t necessarily have a connection with. It just never crossed my mind that it would be so difficult.
Fingers crossed, I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually.
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:33 PM
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Yes, we both come from big families So a big wedding is almost unavoidable.
I guess you don’t realize what kind of compromises and planning you’ll run into. I’ve definitely realized that the hard way. I’m sure we’ll get it all figured out.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on February 27, 2020 at 2:34 PM
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That makes sense! I learned with wedding planning there are definitely things you have to compromise on unfortunately. I hope you’re able to find something soon!
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:35 PM
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Me too! Thanks for your input.
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Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 27, 2020 at 2:35 PM
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Yes you will! I hope everything turns out better than you dreamed.
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Beginner March 2021
Olivia · on February 27, 2020 at 2:41 PM
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Thanks so, so much! 💕
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on February 27, 2020 at 4:03 PM
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I think a lot of churches are concerned about people just treating the church like it was a rental venue, and choosing it based on appearance, as opposed to using it because they are really in line with the beliefs of that church. Saying that you have to use their pastor means someone is making sure the ceremony is in line with their faith.
That being said, often Unitarian Universalist churches are more lenient in that regard. You might want to try talking with one in your area.
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Dedicated April 2020
Cindy · on February 27, 2020 at 5:28 PM
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This is so sad. You believe in God, like your pastor and I'm sure your church holds many memories for you. How about holding your wedding on the church property, maybe not inside? Or go to a meeting hall with your pastor and guests for the wedding and plan a small intimate gathering at the church maybe days b4 the wedding? Pastor and family could pass down marriage stories, advise, etc. That way super close family would be included and all your other family and guests would see you marry.
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on February 27, 2020 at 10:54 PM
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Try an independent church-usually smaller chapel type. I know of a few in Chicago area-park district, college and a few others.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on February 27, 2020 at 11:52 PM
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My friend got married at a hotel and her pastor married them. It was lovely.
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