So, is it a favor or an honor?

I think it's both. I'm always honored to be a member of my CLOSE friend/family's bp. However, it is kind of asking a lot of someone. It is not something you could ask a casual acquaintance, it's a huge favor. They must come to your shower, your party, your rehearsal, your pictures and even if you buy their dress it will somehow cost them money. It's a lot.

I think it's all about expectations. If you (as a bride) ask without any presumptions about their involvement, showers, etc., then it can be an honor to be chosen. But, if you ask expecting them to devote their time and money to the wedding outside the day of and a few necessary days before, then it's a favor.

I think it also depends on who you ask. Some people are just flattered to be asked and would be happy to help any way that they can. Other people will always feel imposed upon regardless of how little they have to do.

In the end, every BP is different. And I think the bride should allow their BP to choose their level of involvement outside of buying the dress and showing up. If they want to attend events you invite them to? Great! If they want to throw you a shower? Let them, or suggest an alternative bonding day if you're averse to gift giving occasions. Let everyone be themselves and it'll work out for the best.

I think it really depends on the bride and what the bride asks of your bridal party. For instance, I was a bridesmaid in one wedding (shortly after I lost my job) where in addition to being the bride's unpaid planner (I literally helped her plan her wedding start to finish in 7 weeks) I paid $200 for dress and shoes (not including alterations), another $100 for hair and $50 for nails. I think being a BM in that wedding was a favor to the bride (we'll call her bride 1). I was in another friend's wedding that was casual and the only thing that was asked of the bridal party was to show up wearing something resembling a dress (I wore a nice shirt and a skirt as did the bride's daughter and the MOH). That was an honor. (We'll call her bride 2). I helped plan that wedding too but there was a lot less to do. To give you an idea of the difference, for bride 2 I gifted her a cake from Stop and Shop, I made bouquets for the bride, 2 bridesmaids and the MOH and made favors. For bride 1, I helped her find her vendors (the venue, limo, DJ and photographer), helped her order her cake topper and favors (and tie bows on the favor boxes for 60 people!), went dress shopping (with her as well as the rest of the bridal party) and attended all her alterations appointments. I had to draw the line when she asked me to help clean her house so everyone could get dressed there. (Her house was seriously disgusting. There were dishes in the sink and on the counter that had mold on them and you couldn't see the floor due to clutter!). My sister (who was bride 1's MOH) lives less than 3 miles from bride and we could have gotten ready there (my sister has more space and her apartment is always spotless).

ETA I hope my bridal party thought it was an honor. I gave them a color to wear for their dress and left everything else about how they looked up to them (included shoes, hair and makeup. The only thing I asked is that they didn't do half up/half down as I was doing that). They all contributed to my shower (at my sister/MOH's apartment so the contribution was to bring a food item for people to eat). They were invited to the bachelorette party but I didn't expect anyone to attend. (Those that did enjoyed themselves but I understood that some people just couldn't attend). The rehearsal was the day of the wedding as I didn't want anyone to have to make a special trip (and made rehearsal participation voluntary. Those that didn't come were just told where to stand and when to walk).

I have to agree, to an extent, with both of the comments above. This is my second marriage and both times I have paid for all attire, hair, makeup, manicures...I wanted my BP to have zero expense. I have also never had any expectation of showers, bachelorette events, etc. dress fittings, rehearsal, and ceremony were all I have wanted them to commit to attending. I just find all the different ideas and expectations fascinating.

Both.

Though I think which one it ends up being more truly depends on the bride. :3

I think if your close enough friends/family with them you'll know which side it's gonna lean towards before they ask.

I think we forget it's okay to politely decline being in someone's wedding party.

I perceive it as an honor when I am asked to be a BM, however it's just as likely to be an inconvenience for someone else. In all cases though, I think the BRIDE should see it has an honor that the BMs are there for her and to support her.

Yep depends on the bride. If the bride is demanding, then the bp feel like it's a favour. It's actually supposed to be an honour.

Where did you read a thread with a bride roasted for not wanting a shower? Brides are free to turn down shower offers.

To answer your question, the purpose of bridesmaids should be to honor your loved ones by having them stand up beside you during this monumental moment. It's been turned into all levels of ridiculousness by the wedding industry, which is why you see posts about brides upset that their bridesmaids aren't devoting all their time/money to their wedding, but I agree with @Lizzy that the BRIDE should see it as an honor.

Both, but with all of the associated costs and time, even if you pay for their hair/makeup/clothing, it leans heavily toward favor. Anyone who feels like it is an imposition (time or money wise) to be in the bridal party should bow out.

It can definitely be both depending on the bride.

Yes, I would also like clarification on the thread in which someone was "roasted" for turning down a shower. I've never seen that happen on this forum. Turning down a shower is perfectly fine. Perhaps you read this somewhere else.

I think it's both. Mine offered to set up my centerpieces and coordinate/set up a sweets station, they also keep asking what else I'll need/want help with. I feel very lucky to have my own #glittercoveredslaves

I hate showers. I hate going to them and I told people I didn't want one.

My BM's offered their help in any way I needed them. I kept the help down to one craft day and the wedding talk down to a minimum. And it was I who was honored they accepted to stand by me.

I consider being a bridesmaid an honor. However, planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party can take up a good deal of time and money, which is a favor for the bride/couple. It's not something that is required of a bridesmaid/groomsman, hence the rehearsal dinner and thank you gifts!

I consider being a bridesmaid an honor. However, planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party can take up a good deal of time and money, which is a favor for the bride/couple. It's not something that is required of a bridesmaid/groomsman, hence the rehearsal dinner and thank you gifts!