So expensive....

The sticker shock when you start wedding planning is SO real, especially since covid when a lot of the prices have skyrocketed. Even just three years ago, it did not look like this. With that being said, there are some things you can do to avoid expensive weddings! The biggest costs are usually catering and venue, so try to keep those down. Think of venues like local and state parks or gardens, local restaurants to do the catering, doing a cake and punch reception so you don’t have to serve a full meal, and keeping your guest count down so that your per person costs stay lower. And forget about the weddings you see on TV and social media! A lot of the wedding publications and ads on instagram are staged events or the super wealthy. You don’t need to blow 25k on flowers to have a gorgeous ceremony (unless that’s what you want)! Reddit has a weddings under 10k subreddit where people are constantly posting their amazing weddings, so it can definitely be done!

Why? Because in years gone by the expense of a wedding was the obligation of the bride's family, not a young couple typically in no position to afford anything close to the cost of an average wedding then or now. Not only were weddings simpler back then, often in a home with a limited guest list and a simple reception to follow, but everything was not nearly as expensive, relatively speaking.

That's why, even though the ultimate responsibility for hosting is on an independent couple, living on their own, I think it's a terrible mistake for most of them to spend a lot of money on a wedding.

If no one else is contributing, they don't have any right to give you a hard time. If you don't think a traditional wedding is a responsible use of your funds right now, don't let anyone push you into it. Too damn bad.

It sounds like there are two different issues here: budget and stress level. They are related but separate.


Weddings in general are expensive because vendors know that they can emotionally blackmail people into believing that things have to be done a certain way with no deviance at a certain cost or they will not be “valid”. That is why social media and tv, as well as magazines and online articles send the message that a wedding is not valid/acceptable/“approved by etiquette”/fill-in-the-blank unless it is as elaborate and expensive as any given celebrity wedding in People magazine or else you are a “bad person who doesn’t deserve happiness” and your loved ones will be embarrassed by what you are able and willing to afford. Couples willingly pay the higher prices without questioning it or negotiating because they don’t know that they are allowed to shop around and find lower prices with equal or higher quality. There is an argument that weddings cost more because more attention is required, but that is not always true. Not every couple wants the “required” champagne toast, elaborate floral arches, or any other given item/service that is only at a wedding but not included at a regular party, but they are shamed for it saying “it’s not a real wedding and you will have regrets and we will not work with you”. When a couple looks for and finds a less expensive alternative, they are told “it’s not appropriate and it won’t work”. Vendors try to punish the couple by claiming “breach of contract” instead of working with them to offer a custom service at a lower price. They also don’t necessarily provide more attention to detail with a wedding because they are passed off to another person within the company, if they aren’t dropped entirely.
Contrary to popular belief, couples everywhere have inexpensive weddings everyday and it’s all about priorities. The media and some online forums would lead you to believe that unless you have an elaborate expensive wedding, then you can’t married. But couples get married at the courthouse or in their living room with cake, coffee and bouquets from the local grocery store and they are just as married as their neighbor who had a huge fancy celebration. It doesn’t help either that the post-Covid trend leans towards the belief that a courthouse wedding is not valid, cake and coffee is not enough or appropriate. Those who disagree with the trend are told they don’t respect the couples’ choice and that they don’t know what they are talking about. At the end of the day, figure out what with fiancé what you want and can afford. Cut out entirely what you don’t want and can’t afford. The movies are fictional so they never represent reality, nor is that ever their intention.
Stress on the other hand is also preventable. Take a deep breath and figure out what you want and eliminate the rest. Forget about what the movies and social media want you to believe. What do YOU want? If something bothers you to the point of not having enjoyment and it creates stress and panic, step away and come back to it later. Therapy on how to navigate stress is helpful regardless of wedding planning or not.

There are many different types of weddings so I wouldn't heed old movies or strange competitive shows like Four Weddings (also decades old). You can certainy host a fun, romantic and affordable wedding with research and creativity. Best way to keep costs low is to reduce guest list. You don't want a large party without enough food or chairs, right? Ask your partner what they envision because it's their wedding, too. Once you're both on the same page, create a budget and timeline. Most couples today pay for their weddings themselves and many choose longer engagements until their vision works within their overall financial planning. Whether elaborate or simple, no one wedding is better than the other as long as it reflects the couple and is intentional. Your money is your own and is not up for others' criticism. So unless your families are contributing financially, they get no say if a wedding is to happen at all. But, beware accepting any money from others because then they become wedding co-hosts who may insist on a say.

I only watched wedding movies, read Bridal mags, and got on WW after my wedding was done. I'm not one to be presured, but too many ideas gets my head spinning. I like looking at flower designs after though. Ps. be wary of Pinterest and Etsy rabbit holes.

H, what is your vision? What do you and your significant other envision as the perfect wedding? Yes there are many things to consider: venue, catering, flowers, decorations. My advice would be to figure out your wedding style then work with a friend or family member (wedding planner = added expense) to bring your vision to fruition.

You’re right! They’re so expensive it’s frustrating, especially after COVID during these times. We are over our budget unfortunately, and it’s all the catering (we were quoted our entire budget for any catering). I’m sorry you’re frustrated and stressed.
I would definitely maybe keep it a lowkey small wedding that way you don’t need to stress about many things or other people? That may help. I wish you the best of luck!