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Just Said Yes October 2020

Small wedding

Micah, on July 1, 2019 at 7:26 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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Fh and I just got engaged and no one knows yet, but for years now people have been asking when we are getting married but here's the deal. We agreed long ago that we wanted a very small wedding. Parents, siblings, and 2 of our bffs for years. So pretty much less than 20 people.

Personally I dont care or want any extended family at the wedding, they are all nothing but drama and all about themselves and this is where the problems are. I know as soon as we announce that we are engaged the questions are going to come pouring in and I dont know how to address this.

Personally I dont like the "sorry (money or venue) is an issue" because I am really not sorry. But what i really want to say is "your not invited so why does it matter" can you tell how much i cant stand these people? The ONLY reason. I am nervous about these questions is i know whatever comes out of my mouth they are going to run to my dad and tattle like 2 year olds, and frankly I'm scared my dad wont show up to my wedding because of this (and yes it would be like him to choose his siblings over his daughter) . So basically how do I tell someone I dont want them there without almost gagging telling them I'm sorry?

Anyone else had horrid family they have had to deal with? I'm not sure if this is a rant or a question y'all help!

20 Comments

Latest activity by Renae, on July 8, 2019 at 2:16 AM
  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't apologize. I'd say, "FH and I have always envisioned an extremely small wedding. We're keeping it very intimate." I'd leave it at that.

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  • Brooke
    Dedicated October 2020
    Brooke ·
    • Flag
    Maybe don't announce it to everyone until after you've had your very small wedding, "surprise! We had a very small imtimate gathering and joined as 1 family!"
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Micah ·
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    I like this the best out of most of the things I have read! Thank you!
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Super April 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    You sound like me lol. I never wanted a big wedding. My fh and i are having a very small wedding with immediate family. I'm like you, i don't want anyone asking me about wedding details. I just tell people that we don't have a date set. Since we are paying for the wedding, no one knows the date. My fh and i are planning the wedding without anyone knowing. Im treating everyone as guest. When it gets close, ill tell them a different date lol. But in the end, you cant control people, you can just control your actions. You invite your dad and if he doesn't show up, thats on him not on you. Hope this helps you somehow.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Micah ·
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    I'll have to see all of then atleast 3 times before we get married as were not getting married until October 2020 and I'm really not about to censor my life and take off my beautiful ring to try and avoid hurting someone else's feelings. I think I'm just on a fine line of telling them all to screw themselves and that's the problem 😂 I'm not opposed to telling someone they arent invited I just need it to come out as polite as possible without acting like I'm sorry when I'm not. Pray for me y'all. I have a feeling this is going to end in my dad not showing up 🤦‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Expert June 2021
    Shannon ·
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    You're welcome. I stopped apologizing for my thoughts and feelings long ago. I don't do drama. I'm sure there will be aspects of our wedding people will find issue with. One being...my parents are invited. My brother, who I haven't spoken to in 20 years, except once a few months ago when my grandma died and he was STILL not a nice person, is not. My mom will have a fit about that. I will likely have to say, "We're not inviting anyone who will cause drama or uncomfortable feelings at our wedding." Then she can decide if she wants to come or not. It will not hurt my feelings if she doesn't.

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I say plan the wedding and don't tell them. It'd suck not to announce it but peace of mind might be better.
    Plus you sound very much like myself and I know myself would get a thrill from the dramatic family members face when they find out after the fact 🤣
    Don't even apologise and tell your parents your engaged first. Talk to your dad and say look I know someone is going to be upset but I really need you to commit to coming to my wedding even if it is small.
    • Reply
  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    Exactly this! Is your wedding so do you!
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Micah ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I feel this on such a deep level. As sad as it is I am happy that I am not alone.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Micah ·
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    I have just taken so much crap from these people all my life and I straight refuse to do so on my wedding day! I just dont want then to ruin my thrill of being over the moon about being engaged after a very long relationship! Gah I try and strive to be a better bigger person but just thinking about it makes me want to tell then where to get off at!
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    Nothing wrong with a small wedding. It's all about you 2 uniting as one!

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  • Heather
    Expert October 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    I recently had to tell my one aunt, uncle and their 2 adult children they aren’t invited to my wedding because of exactly this. They’re all drama, they call my niece a b*%tard child, made fun of my 16 year old sister for her lack of education (different sister), trashed my dad on Facebook, and we’re nothing but mean to me and my sisters growing up. They made fun of us at every family gathering. They didn’t take it very well and told me that we can consider them dead to us. In the back of my mind I was doing a little happy dance because that means I don’t have to deal with them ever again! O, and only reason I told them they weren’t invited is because my mom thought the fall out would be worse if they just never received an invite, and felt a courtesy call was the right thing to do.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Micah ·
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    Hum, is this a ray of hope that they will go away for forever 😂 sorry dont mean to laugh! That's really seriously messed up of them to say about your siblings and a really crappy way to act in general! But hey no loss right
    • Reply
  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
    • Flag
    Just be honest! “We have decided to have a small wedding and will be celebrating with only immediate family” no need to explain to anyone it’s your wedding and what you want to do!
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Expert October 2019
    Heather ·
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    No loss at all! It’s a lot of stress off my shoulders that I know I won’t have to deal with them at my wedding or any time thereafter! Definitely the bright side of things lol
    • Reply
  • Cheryl
    Expert November 2020
    Cheryl ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone, but would like to add that you and FH should talk to dad ahead of time. Be firm but respectful. There won't be any tattletaling when they run to him to complain and he already knows about your choice and why you're making it.
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    I woudln't say anything to the people who are not invited. No one is entitled to an invitation for your wedding and you don't owe anyone an explanation of what you try to do. If someone asks you (which is rude) just say something like "it's just immediate family". No need to overexplain.

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't say anything either until after you're married. Like you said, why does it matter to them if they're just going to cause drama? And if someone wants to make a scene, or if your dad doesn't want to come, then that's on them.

    I'm not inviting my mom's entire side of the family for just the same reason and she was fine with that decision. I doubt any of them even know I'm engaged, or even bought a house with FH, that's how little I speak to them.

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  • Arielle
    Expert August 2020
    Arielle ·
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    I second this. This is your day and this is the way you guys envisioned it and you should do exactly what will make you guys happiest.

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  • Renae
    Dedicated August 2019
    Renae ·
    • Flag
    This is exactly what we are/were doing! Take it from someone 9 months in, make sure your both of your families can respect your decision. My FHs does not agreed and it has been a complete nightmare.... I’m about to call the whole thing off. They have “told” us who are coming because how dare we want to have a wedding our way. If I could go back, I’d elope or not get married at all.
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