Small wedding vs. larger wedding

We could easily have had a 250 person wedding (inviting extended family & everyone we knew, etc). Always thought that was what I wanted.

We've decided on 100 guests for budget reasons. As we've been planning...now when I think of our day, there is no way I'd want more guests to attend! I want to be able to enjoy the evening a bit & even with 100 guests, I'm not sure how much time I'll have with each guest...not to mention a bit of time with my FH & just to take a few moments to take it all in! I'm typically the type that does better with a smaller crowd & personally, I would go with 'quality over quantity' - soooooooo not saying some aren't worth inviting; but really think about the people you REALLY want at your wedding...not people you may feel obligated to invite (ex. I did not invite any aunts/uncles, cousins or coworkers).

ETA: I realize 100 guests is not a small wedding; but I couldn't see my family not being there (youngest of 13, siblings + spouses & their kids...and now their grandkids is ~60 people alone...leaving 40 people for FH's small family & our friends). These are people that we see multiple times a year.

We also could have had a huge wedding however we have cut our list to 60.

Everyone that is coming to our wedding are people that we both know well. The ones that we are closest to. We are not having a BP which has made life a lot easier. No drama at all. Planning has gone really smoothly allowing us to really take the time to enjoy our engagement. Also means we can spend more time with our guests on our wedding day since there won't be as much time needed for pics (no BP) and less time spent greeting everyone. We have also been able to spend less while still being able to have everything we want.

I've been to several huge weddings. I've seen the bride and groom for a quick hug and congrats and then don't see them for the rest of the night. Also makes me feel awkward, especially at those weddings where only one of us knows other people. For example, was invited to co-workers wedding. I knew one other person invited, FH knew no one. We sat at a table with 10 other people we didn't know. Dinner was cold by the time we got it (was plated). No one talked no matter how much we tried to make conversation. It was just really uncomfortable.

Thanks for your input, Ambrok! You have a much larger immediate family than me, so I don't blame you for thinking 100 guests is small- for you it really is! My family is huge, but I don't see half of them unless it is a holiday. FH's family is a lot closer to each other than mine, but even so we aren't sure how many family members on either side would come. Right now I'm leaning toward the notion that they aren't THAT close so we probably shouldn't push our wedding date back so far and spend a lot more money on their account. FH agrees now, so it looks like an intimate wedding will suit us. I'm worried that I will regret not having certain things though, like maybe a first dance. I don't know, but having a dance in front of 20 people might feel awkward. It's things like that that have me somewhat second-guessing the idea.

@JerseyGirl I honestly hadn't even thought of guests not getting to spend quality time with the bride and groom because of the crowd, so thank you! I haven't been to many weddings and neither has my FH so we don't have much to go on. I already messed up the BP thing though. I had asked mine before our other venue fell through, but luckily there are only two. FH says if we have the small wedding he will just have a best man.

Do a DW that way you can have either or depending on who comes

1st dance...why not start out with just you-n-your FH, then have the guests join you when the song is 1-2 minutes in? You'd still have some great 1st dance photos & probably wouldn't feel so awkward...just a thought.

For guests...just think of those that you would be really disappointed if they were not there to share your day - those are the ones to invite to an intimate wedding : ) IMO

@JerseyGirl, I usually just feel lost in the crowd at large weddings. And no BP...I never thought about that until after we already had ours (I sometimes feel bad for asking my BMs to spend $ for a dress, etc). For my BMs, I decided not to go with friends (some don't like each other) & how often do couples ask people that 5 yrs down the line, they don't even talk anymore?!? I stuck with family members for BMs to avoid the drama & I really want to see people I'm still close to when I look back at wedding pics in the future.

We were originally going to have a larger wedding of around 150 people. We got engaged last year and wouldn't have been able to get married until 2018 due to costs. Neither of us wanted to wait that long. And honestly neither of us wanted to spend that amount of money on a wedding. We would rather use that money towards something else. So we decided to get married in our favorite town in CA with 25 of our closest family and friends. We are getting married at an Inn across from the beach and treating everyone to a nice dinner and lots of alcohol! I am really excited about it and everyone going is really excited about it too. Sometimes I do still think about what it would have been like to have a larger wedding, but then I get over it lol because we get to get married a year earlier than we would have been able to originally. And knowing myself I wouldn't have been able to wait that long..halfway through I would have wanted to say screw it and elope!

Plus, I read on here a lot that the day goes fast and couples didn't get to socialize that much with everyone. I didn't want that. With a smaller wedding it will be a lot more relaxed and we will get to spend a lot of time with everyone. Then the next day we are going to Universal Studios for the day with our MOH, best man, and a few of our friends.

We're having 160 and I really, really wish it was smaller. I love everyone coming and there isn't a single person I wasn't happy to invite. However, with so many guests, I know I'll barely see some of them at the wedding and I'm worried about seeming rude. At my showers (my mom and FH's mom each threw one for their families), I feel like I didn't talk to some people at all because there were just too many. If I could do it all over, I would've picked a smaller guest list.

When u renew ur vows , try a larger wedding. Thts what we plan on doing actually. We are getting married this year, small, intimate less than 20 guests

We invited 80 and will have about 55/60 there. 30 is just our families, we have 15 friends and then close family friends for the balance. I didn't want to invite people for the sake of it, all of our friends are people we can phone at 2am and know they will talk to us.

We decided on a 50 person wedding -- we can splurge on those 50, it's going to be more intimate, and we aren't going into debt over this all.

I'm with Ambrok. The less people you have the more time you'll be able to spend with each of them.

We invited about 75 and are expecting between 60-70. Most of that is extended family. We moved around a lot (Columbus, Orlando, Boston, and now Cincinnati) so we've really struggled with keeping contact with people over the years. We pretty much had to take our budget and decide if we wanted to invite more people and skimp on some of the luxuries or invite those closest to us and really splurge. It allowed us to spend more money on the dress and photographer and we've also upgraded a lot of things like adding passed hors d'oeuvres, a nicer steak, and a cake from a nice bakery.

We are having 13 guests - I was nervous that the rest of our families would be upset but I called everyone and told them they we sat down & decided to have a small wedding and everyone was so positive & happy for us.

We compromised on a small and intimate wedding as well. I didn't want a big wedding with all the trimmings. I wanted something simple and sweet and that fit mine and FH's style which is why we decided to do a dinner party with people we truly want to share our day with. He wants to do a backyard ceremony but I do have a venue picked out in case his backyard vision doesn't quite work out. We've gone back and forth on our plans a lot but when we actually sat down and discussed what we wanted out of the day it was easy to figure everything out.

@ambrok- you put our first Dance plan out there perfectly! That is exactly what we are doing to do.

We got engaged two months before a cousin's wedding. There was so much drama to the point that the week before the wedding we heard none of the BP was going to show for the wedding. I do realize there is not drama with all BP but that was a sign to me lol. Besides a lot of my friends have kids and I couldn't see asking them to pay for a dress and other expenses just to stand up there with us.

Just from hearing opinions on WW, I've seen several brides who wished they had done a smaller wedding, but I've never heard anyone who went small and wished they had gone big.

I'm sure such brides do exist, but just anecdotally from this site, it seems that most people don't regret having a smaller wedding.

I just wrote about this on another thread but it bears repeating.

Have the wedding you'll be comfortable having and comfortable paying for. Even if you CAN afford to spend tons of money on a party, in retrospect, you may not want to.

I am always on team small and gorgeous as opposed to team giant and cheesy. A small wedding will kinda narrate its own guest list; immediate family, your two best friends. done and done. If you keep it truly small, the uninvited will be momentarily disappointed but they'll get it.

You'll be able to actually enjoy everyone's company, interact meaningfully with everyone, and enjoy the day yourself.

Go with your heart.

I'm always a fan of smaller weddings. It keeps it to the closest people to you, and you don't break the bank. If everything wasn't all planned, I would do a smaller wedding myself.