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Dedicated April 2016

Small wedding, small invite list, feelings hurt?

WitchyWoman, on February 3, 2016 at 6:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 7

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So we are having the ultimate problem with a small wedding, who does and doesn't get an invite. The wedding is small, right now about 40 people, and VERY casual. Basically friends and close family having dinner together and (my Fiances a musician) a jam session with all of our friends. But we have some family that lives pretty far out. They would have to drive roughly 8 hours to attend, and we don't want them to drive all that way for a wedding that is going to be so casual and probably not what they are expecting. But we also don't want them to think we don't love them and want to invite them. I thought about sending them a card that says something along the lines of "We're getting married, we love you, it's an intimate affair, don't worry about driving up." (Not as blunt) But I also don't want people to think we're sending those cards for gifts.

What have some of you ladies who are having small weddings doing to show you still love that extended family? Any suggestions?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by 2d Bride, on February 4, 2016 at 12:26 AM

Super June 2016
Ms. Koala · on February 3, 2016 at 6:49 PM
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I would call them. It's more personal and you will be able to get a better grasp of their feelings about not attending. Sending a card may cause more problems with hurt feelings.
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Dedicated April 2016
WitchyWoman · on February 3, 2016 at 6:56 PM
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You're probably right, calling might be best. I'll be honest, I was hoping to avoid crazy Aunt Cathy! Haha.
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Dedicated April 2016
WitchyWoman · on February 3, 2016 at 7:15 PM
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@Natassia That is a big family, and the same problem we're having. I think you're right, it might come off gruff if we sent a card. I just feel a little guilty at the thought it might hurt somebodies feelings.
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Master June 2014
Kaegurl · on February 3, 2016 at 7:18 PM
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We invited 50. Immediate family. Aunts/Uncles. Close friends. No cousins or children. We didn't do anything ... if someone asked we told them we were having a small wedding. Most people just understood. Ours was also pretty formal. The card would cause more hard feelings then just addressing the situation when asked.
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VIP April 2016
Sqwiggy · on February 3, 2016 at 8:00 PM
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We have family coming in from out of town that might be expecting a traditional wedding. We made sure on our invites and website to state it is cocktail style. I hope they don't get upset traveling all this way.
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Just Said Yes October 2016
Laura · on February 3, 2016 at 8:07 PM
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We are having a small wedding ceremony (12 people). This includes our best friends who will be the matron of honor and best man, parents and siblings. My fiance's family is 12 hours away and some will drive and some may fly. He has driven up for both of his brothers' weddings, so we don't anticipate them missing it. They have just asked we give them plenty of notice. We called when we got engaged, so we are just keeping them updated and I think that will diffuse any tension that could come up if someone can't or doesn't want to attend because of time or money.
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on February 4, 2016 at 12:26 AM
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1. Invite those people you'd like to have there, regardless of whether you think it would be worth it to them to attend. They can always decline.
2. Don't contact the ones you don't want to have there. It's just adding insult to injury.
3. People are far less likely to get offended about a small wedding than a large one. If anyone asks (which they shouldn't), you can just say, "We decided to have an intimate wedding, and couldn't invite everyone we would have liked to." That goes over a lot better when you have a guest list of 35 then when you are inviting your 300 closest friends, and they still don't make the cut.
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