Small wedding etiquette

Hmmm well our officiant is staying and I just feel as if it is the polite thing to do. I actually want him there. But of course money matters and if him staying is going to cause a unforgivable dent in your budget then you should tell him. How you word it I am at a loss.

View Quoted Comment I should have really stressed that it is a very small wedding. I feel likes it's very intimate & private.. so maybe that's what I should be discussing.. not so much the money aspect. Thank you for your opinion!

I think it would be the polite thing to do to extend an invitation for the officiant to stay for dinner after the ceremony. They may or may not accept, but just in case, I would find a way to put it in the budget to provide a meal for them after the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment It does seem to be a nice thing to do.. but after reading the first comment I think I've realized it's privacy & comfort I'm looking forward to. Idk that it is so much about money anymore.

View Quoted Comment You absolutely have a right to have whomever you want at your wedding and if you don’t have a personal relationship then I can see your point for sure. You just have to figure out how to word it so he doesn’t feel maligned. Chances are as a officiant he probably has no plans of staying. I assumed it was about finances based upon what you wrote in the last sentence of your post. In any event this will work out.

It is expected that you invite the officiant to the reception. They do not always accept the offer but it is almost always extended.



If your officiant is a minister/clergy/religious figure then usually you know them quite well and they are treated like a guest for the reception. If you are hiring an officiant then make sure your contract does not specify that you are going to feed them a meal.

Old school etiquette says it is customary to invite the officiant. There isn’t a polite way to say “we don’t want you to attend the reception”. Some officiant websites say they stay for cocktail hour and then take off. The best alternative in your situation is find out if your state allows a friend/relative to be ordained for the day through the marriage license office.

If it's a paid vendor, no invitation is expected or warranted. No need to say anything.


If it's a minister from a church or a friend doing you a favor, then they'll likely expect and should get an invite along with their SO.

Honestly not sure. I’ve never heard anyone not extending the invite

I think that would depend on your relationship to the officiant. If it's someone who you've hired just to come do the ceremony and you have no relationship with, I think it's OK not to invite them.

View Quoted Comment Me neither hionestly

I think if your officiant is aware of the small, intimate setting, a normal person would politely decline. If you like your officiant and trust them to have some awareness, I would just extend the invite and wait for their decline. I wouldn't stress.

Is your officiant someone you know well/have a relationship with? If so, etiquette says you should extend an invite. If the officiant is a stranger that you are just hiring to officiate your ceremony, then I would look at it as a business transaction and wouldn’t feel bad about not extending an invite.

I've never heard of someone not inviting their officiant to the reception. But if this is just an outside vendor who you didn't have a relationship with prior, he/she will probably decline.

Are you having other vendors that will be in attendance (photographer, coordinator, etc.)? You could sit them all together so they're not as intermingled with your other guests. If you really don't want to invite them then I'd see if you could have a friend or family member get ordained online to do the ceremony. I'd imagine if they are a professional officiant they'd probably just stay for cocktail hour at most, but I can't speak for everyone, and I really can't think of a polite way to tell someone they're not invited to the reception.