Small Wedding Ceremony/dinner + After Party for More?

This is a tiered reception and it’s rude.

Ya I agree with Sarah ^ please don't have tiered reception

There is no way to do this politely. There are plenty of restaurants in NYC/brooklyn that will accommodate 100 guests for a reception. I used OpenTable's private dining option when I was first looking into this. You might be able to squeeze in the ceremony somewhere in the restaurant as well. I am guessing you want to do a tiered reception because of budget constraints. It sounds like there are some people that don't have to be there. Start with your budget and figure out how many people you can reasonably host with that. Also, NYC is expensive... I am also in Brooklyn. If you want a larger event and can't in the city, try looking further upstate or New Jersey.

I think it'd be best if you did the alternative and find a restaurant or venue in Brooklyn/Manhattan that can accommodate all your guests for the ceremony and reception.

Yea, I feel you all, thanks for your input. I also want to be able to celebrate with all my friends and don't want to be restrained just because we like a particular venue.

Toying with venue ideas-- what are thoughts on if we do a ceremony and more of a cocktail reception with heavy passed hors doeurves or a buffet meal with casual seating vs. a seated dinner? This gives us a bit of flexibility with venue and also saves on the budget.

We were never looking to do the traditional catering hall/dance party vibe. With either plan, the thought of people calling us cheap or tacky is a possibility-- but weddings are expensive!

Tiered receptions are a no no.

I think you can go casual as long as you have a seat for everyone

I don't agree with the after party idea at all. Either have a small ceremony and reception and leave it at that or invite everyone to a ceremony and reception.

Passed hors d'oeurves are often more expensive than a plated meal, but obviously it is something you can look into. Weddings are expensive and everyone is working with a budget. We were really looking into having it in a restaurant because it is considerably cheaper than most traditional wedding venues in the city. I would go with that. What is your budget & how many guests are you planning on hosting? I can give you some of the places I looked at.

Bottom line is, you are not going to reinvent the wheel with this. To properly host, you need to have a butt for every chair, and enough food & alcohol. In the city, this adds up and the best thing you can do to save on your budget is cut the guest list.

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Would love suggestions and ideas on venues, thank you! Our budget is $20k for everything and our extended guest list is around 100. It definitely feels like a workable budget. We're thinking April 2018, but can push back (it seems there are more options in warmer months, but that's also often more expensive). My fiancee thought I meant small when I said non-traditional-- but all I meant was not catering hall/dance party... more like a ceremony + intimate dinner party with some live acoustic music.

Honestly it depends. If you invite friends to Only the after party - you better make sure that there isn’t a single friend at the ceremony. Can’t pick and choose with that - it’s how you burn bridges.

I wouldn't really call 100 people an intimate dinner party. Even non-traditional caterers that I looked into (pies & thighs, etc.) start around 65pp before tax and tip. At 100 people that means you are looking at $8500 min before even considering alcohol and everything else you will need. I don't think 20k is going to stretch as far as you think it might for that many people but hopefully you are able to find some good options. I would strongly recommend taking another look at your guest list to see if you can cut it at all.

eta: Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Freemans, Roberta's maybe?

I personally feel that after parties should be a spur of the moment thing - like the reception is over, but people aren't done celebrating yet and meet up somewhere to keep the party going. I agree with the reception where you can have everyone there. Or cut the guest list to who you really want to be there.

I think your first option is fine as long as you are super clear about what is happening. Let people know it’s an after party and also try to remove as much wedding stigma as possible. I would really only invite those closest to you to the ceremony/ dinner though. 60 people doesn’t really sound like you were trying to keep it small (although I’m sure you are!). If I found out more than half of the people at the after party got a ceremony invite and I wasn’t one of them, I would definitely be hurt.

What if you have a small ceremony (and I mean just immediate family, grandparents, and WP if you're having one), then host the reception at the shuffleboard place. Personally, I think that sounds like a really fun alternative to a traditional party. If you do it from say 3-5 or 3-6, you could get away with just providing alcohol and heavy hors d'oeuvres.

As far as your budget, good luck having any kind of traditional wedding for 100 people in NYC under $20k. I'm sure it's doable, somehow, but it's going to be really tough.

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To rent out that space for that many people would be 13k just for the space and drink min $ AND you would still have to share the space with any randos that want to play shuffleboard. Full buyout of the place is 26k just for site & drinks min. It is no joke!! Super fun though - I live close by

Royal Palms

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Oh my goodness, that's $80 in drinks per person! And only one bar!

Still sounds fun, but definitely not cheap.

Feeling really torn based on the responses since they were very negative and then a few positive ones came in. I'm searching around for nice restaurants to accommodate about 100, and hoping to find one.

If we did dinner/after party route -- ceremony/dinner is a bit over $10k and Royal Palm would be around $5k (we'd get 3 private lanes which are free on Sundays and open bar for 2 hours, food). Doesn't leave us a ton of wiggle room for photographer, if we get flowers (leaning toward DIY), outfits, rings, invite (digital probably), etc.

I'm debating how to lightly talk with friends about the possibility of it being a small wedding. 60 is small when you think it's two people that each get 29 guests including family... and numbers easily increase when you invite people's spouses. The friends would be my childhood friends, who are still my closest-- which could possibly ease the below.

But yes, still super torn. I want to celebrate with all and not hurt their feelings, just trying to figure out how to do it all simple and affordable.

View Quoted Comment It is really tough here. I feel your pain! We are looking at right around 50k for a somewhat "traditional" wedding for 90 or so people -- and we are using mostly mid-tier vendors. Most people on this site think that is crazy but that is just NYC.

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Have you booked your venue yet?

Yea, it's super sad how crazy expensive it is. How $20k is nothing, and $50k is good, but I'm sure still doesn't feel like enough. We've got houses to buy, kids to have...

In the back of my head is the elope idea and then a bar party afterwards for everyone...