Small Wedding Ceremony, Big Reception

"Small ceremony " as in only a few invited? We are doing a very minimal ceremony that should be quick... so we can have more time/fun at the reception. I've also been to a wedding that the invite said the ceremony was only for family but they wanted all friends to join for celebration at the reception... and I didnt hear any complaints from all our friends!

View Quoted Comment Emily,
Yes, we would only be inviting a few. We would rather spend more time with our friends and family celebrating our day. And is so good to hear. Thank you!

If it’s a private ceremony with immediate family only (parents, grandparents, siblings and partners, nieces and nephews) then it’s ok. If you start including friends, it’s not and your mom is right.

We are doing just that! Our ceremony site can only hold 40 people. We are inviting close family to the wwdding and our reception will be around 150. Most of the family is out of town.

You can have a small ceremony with only immediate family. Outside of that, it would be considered rude.

You'll likely offend a lot of people.. I wouldn't do this. It's hurtful.

A small ceremony is fine. I would say, in addition to immediate family, a tiny bridal party (if you have one) is also acceptable. Anything over that will upset people.

You said "close friends and family" which means it's not just immediate family which, IMO, is offensive. Leave it to parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces/nephews and it's fine. To have any more than that at the ceremony is very offensive to those who didnt make the cut and were only invited to the reception.

An intimate ceremony with only immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents), followed by a larger reception, is perfectly fine. A "small" ceremony consisting of 30 family and friends is rude. Including some friends and not others is like saying "these are my closest and most important friends, you are not."

I used to think it looked a little gift grabby to do this (only having a reception to get gifts from people), but I am not as offended and am very open to the idea now. I have a few friends that this was just their best option (one was on a 90 day fiance program and it would have been too stressful to coordinate their wedding with the uncertainty/timeline, the other was a military family that timing was also an issue). I think you just have to ensure you handle it with class. For example, I wouldnt be setting up a honeyfund for this type of event (honestly no registry at all is probably better even though many people will bring gifts). With the cost of weddings these days (and all the stress that goes into them), I can understand why people would rather have an informal party and have a small ceremony.

Etiquette-wise it’s fine if you only include immediate family like PPs said. However, I think it’s a little strange as a guest and I don’t love it. I have a good friend doing this next year. I’m going to fly to Chicago just for the reception, which I’m happy to do cause I want to be there for her and celebrate, but it certainly feels weird thinking about spending the money and time to travel there and not even see her get married. I’m not a fan.

I agree with your mom. What is your reasoning for wanting to exclude the majority of your guests?

I'm doing this! We want a very small and intimate ceremony, then have more family/friends show up for the bigger reception. It's your wedding, do what you want! I wouldn't think it's rude at all.

I have been to a wedding like this... So just for you to understand why this can be rude. Etiquette-wise having a small family only ceremony and a larger party is fine. Once you invite friends to that ceremony its not fine anymore - but other people have said that.

I was invited to the wedding of a good friend. It was not apparent on the invitation but this was JUST to the party part. There was a ceremony and dinner for family and the bridal party. Technically, all within etiquette. But I was really hurt, as was my husband and many other friends we talked with. I go to weddings to see the ceremony... the WEDDING. I would have liked to be given the choice (I probably still would have gone because friends and I love them) to not attend. Especially since this wedding was in NYC and for many people very expensive to attend. The biggest sting was that the ceremony was held outside. I literally could have stood a block outside of my hotel and gotten to watch the ceremony if I had known that.

When I got engaged, my friend's wife offered her advice including what they did at their wedding because "people get weddings are expensive" and I very politely stated that wasn't the kind of party we wanted to have and if she was flying halfway across the country, I would make sure she was fed.

Weddings are for you and your husband but once you invite guests, they are also about those guests. Having more people at a ceremony doesn't lengthen the time or increase the cost. It's the party that is pricey. You can do this within etiquette but as a guest who has been to more than one of these, consider that your friends actually want to support you and witness your marriage.

To each their own, but there will be hurt feelings.

I was invited to a wedding like this and there was a LOT of chatter about only certain people being invited to the wedding, even though it was literally right outside of the reception tent. It was hurtful and definitely made a large portion of the guests feel unimportant. Personally, I'd never want to leave loved ones out.

View Quoted Comment

This! And you'd better believe you will not hear the chatter. I would NEVER tell my friend because my hurt feelings are no reason to cast a shadow on their wedding day. And, I may tell a friend or family member if they asked me in advance but a lot of people wouldn't.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! It's the only request my fiance asked for since his family is so small and the only friends he wants there are in the wedding party. Knowing most of my family, they would only show up at the reception anyways.