Small Wedding, Big Family

No, everyone invited to the bridal shower must be invited to the wedding.

Everyone invited to the bridal shower should be invited to the wedding. We had the same issue, we wanted a small wedding with a big family, but we couldn't decide who to cut so we just invited everyone and the guest count is now massive, lol. Whoops! Good luck though, I'm not sure how to handle that.

Nope, don't do this. It just looks gift grabby.

Not if it's the traditional shower; if your work/church/school/club is throwing you a shower and they (not you) are determining the invites (aka open to everyone there) then you don't have to invite them all. But basically, you (the bride) or your hostess cannot specifically invite someone (say Aunt Carol) to the shower and then not to the wedding.

Maybe a post wedding party to celebrate like a family reunion (ie no gifts required). Depending on how big "big family" is you may even could do a dinner or something to celebrate (are we talking 20 people or 50 type of thing).

I have a large family as well as my fh. We are also having a small wedding (only 36 people). We decided if they weren't immediate family or not friends we talk to on at least an every 3rd day basis or more they weren't invited to anything wedding related. We are paying for the wedding ourselves so when people question us we simply explain we simply can't afford a big wedding.

But no everyone that is invited to the shower needs to be invited to the wedding

The only people you should invite to the shower are those that are invited to the wedding. I too come from a very large family, but I've made it clear that FH & I will only invite x amount. So those that are always around are the ones invited. Yes, people will get their feelings hurt, but we're the ones paying for the wedding.

We had a real struggle with FMIL over this. She really was upset that we only had immediate family and so has been trying to invite her family to pre-wedding events that she's hosting on our behalf. I still haven't managed to fully put off the idea - she keeps bringing it up, I keep saying no, she seems to agree but then keeps bringing it up again. It's driving me nuts. She doesn't know yet but there is no way we're doing it. It's so rude.

Nope, not ok to invite people to a bridal shower and not the wedding.

A small, intimate wedding is perfectly fine. But you will have to limit the shower guest list to only those invited to the wedding.

No need to repeat what PPs said. I will add that if family and friends want to get you a gift, they will ask someone where you are registered.

I just wouldn't...

I have a HUGE family too but It's rude to invite them to the party but not the wedding. If you don't want them at the wedding they shouldn't have to give you gifts.

It is personal.

Then don't invite them to ur bridal shower.

U want them to gift u for getting married but they can't see u get married? Stop being selfish

I've heard both ways on this subject. I have decided to invite the extended family to both, because if it were me, and my family invited me to the shower and not the wedding, knowing there were 85-100 people invited, I would be upset about it. Just me though.

I agree with august, if someone is hosting your shower and determine the invite list, you do not have to invite them to the wedding. AND it also depends on everyones situation. Majority of my dads side (due to health concerns) can not make the 2+ hour drive to our venue, plus, it would add 50+ people to our guest list. My host are inviting them to the ahower.. are their feelings hurt they aren't going to the wedding? No. We are also having a second reception to accomodate people that couldnt be there. I don't have the popular opinion, but i've been in the situation of being invited to a bridal ahower and not wedding... i frankly didn't care... but that's just me, i'm not easily upset about petty things such as this....

We thought about doing something similar, but instead of a bridal shower like an engagement party that we would invite everyone not invited to the wedding.

I joined WW and decided quickly against it, before WW I was still like eh I don't know if I feel comfortable with it,

We have a somewhat big family and are only inviting 35 and we aren't really explaining it, you don't need to. They are adults and if they love and care for your happiness, they will understand that you want to keep it small for whatever reason.

If say three months after when things are settled and what not have a party with everyone, those who were at the wedding and not and just celebrate.

However if someone else is throwing a shower or whatever else in your honor they invite who they want, you have no control over that so you are not obligated to invite them to the wedding. Now if that said host asks for a guest list, don't add people that are not already invited.