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Yasmine
Dedicated November 2019

Small, intimate wedding announcement?

Yasmine, on February 25, 2019 at 2:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

Hello! I am at a loss here and could really use some input. FH and I have decided to have a small, intimate wedding (immediate family and close friends only), cutting about 90 people from our guest list. This is both to save money and to simply keep the day easygoing and enjoyable.

I feel very conflicted about the idea of just NOT announcing anything about our wedding and then seeing my extended family on Christmas and having them find out then that Surprise! We are married! Or having them see facebook photos. We will likely send out announcements after, but I worry that it would still be hurtful to them given that they didn't even know the day was coming.

My family is super easygoing and I honestly think most of them will understand (and the ones who we didn't expect to have already been informed privately). I thought about making a Facebook post saying something along the lines of "we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives, etc. However, we want our wedding to be small and intimate, so we have chosen to have a ceremony and reception that will be private and exclusive to immediate family and our closest friends," and so on. I can't decide if this is tacky, though. However, it feels silly reaching out to everyone individually to say "Hey I'm getting married and you're not invited!!!" I just don't want people to EXPECT and invite and then be hurt when they don't get one and think it's about them, etc. As NONE of our aunts, uncles, cousins are being invited.


I could really use some advice on how to navigate this. We will NOT see most of these people again before our wedding day.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 25, 2019 at 3:43 PM
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    I'm not a fan of wedding announcements. They just seem gift grabby to me, especially when you're having such a small event. I would just tell people as you see them. DO NOT do the facebook announcement. I would seriously cringe if I saw someone post that online.

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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    Definitely don't post it... If you are close to them and you talk, you can mention that you're having a very small ceremony. Otherwise, I'd tell them after.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'd send out announcements, I don't find them gift grabby. We've gotten multiple and only sent 1 gift to a close friend. But I would do this prior to posting or at least tell close family & friends prior to posting.

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    The truth is, you can't control how someone feels. No matter what you do, some people will be hurt. So your best bet is to do what works best for you and your FH. I personally wouldn't post anything about it. People will know they're invited by getting an invitation. You will likely have people ask the details and you can simply say we're having a small intimate wedding. That will get the picture across. Congrats and good luck!

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  • Yasmine
    Dedicated November 2019
    Yasmine ·
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    This is likely a cultural thing, because wedding announcements are still pretty common among my family and are not really taken as anything with ulterior motives.

    I am honestly more worried about the "Surprise! You were not invited!" factor. My family is all over the world at this point but those who live in the same state as me but only see me at the holidays may be hurt to not find out until later.

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  • J
    Savvy May 2020
    Julie ·
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    Congratulations! Smiley heart I personally wouldn’t announce it because it’s not an obligation to. This time is the happiest time of your lives and no need for the extra stress or drama. Just have a few close family members spread the news through word of mouth. Smiley smile I’m sure they’ll be happy to do so! By the time wedding photos are ready, you can post happily without thinking twice!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    In regular social media posts, if you discuss planning you can make sure that you put in the fact that it is a small wedding, as in, " even though we are only inviting a total of seventy people, it seems to be taking us forever to do a seating chart. " But a general announcement of how small it is, or that you had a bigger list then cut it, not appropriate. People can figure out that the list was not big enough to include them, 8 weeks before the wedding, when they do not get an invitation. Or they can specifically ask you. . . Wedding announcements are properly sent immediately after the wedding to friends and family. Like a change of address card, it is simply news and does not mean send a gift. The wedding is over and done with. What is gift grabby, is some I have begun to see where people put their website or a registry link on the announcement card, or in the same envelope. That, is tacky. That, is like straight out asking for a gift, which is not right before the wedding, and not right when sent to those not invited, or who did not attend. A lot of people know one member of a couple. An announcement is sent out to society in general, friends and family, and acquaintances. It tells people the correct title and name you each are using after marriage, the same old addressed, or sometimes new address, and usually either a phone of email number. Since wedding is over, this keeps people up to date that you did marry, and what city. And over the past century, it is a positive thing, this is how to get in touch with us now, which implies they would like to see and hear from you at some point in the future. I would think that any brides who had great difficulty getting family and friends addresses, would see this as a courtesy, so people never have to guess at, that guy she married 2 years ago, you know...the one, was he a medical student, or maybe a chemical engineer? And zkevin's girlfriend who finished school out west, is she Ms. Or Mrs. Or Doctor...his name or hers that I never knew. A lot of people do not send them, but when it comes to planning relatives big anniversaries, or reunions, or a wedding, or shower, it sure is great to have received a card right after every marriage, or birth. It is okay to tuck these in to thank you notes that are written after the wedding, but since like business cards, they are super cheap, spend money for a stamp from every person you want to hear from sometime again, who was not at the wedding. Wedding announcements have never called for presents. Some people, usually close or long term friends, or distant relatives, send gifts even when not invited. Just because they are happy for you. But they are not being promoted by a card, as for over a century, no return card or gift has ever been required. Some people just do it, though they would not have come if you had invited them. An unnecessary but one hopes appreciated sign of affection. We received over 40 gifts from folks not invited, before we ever sent out announcements. People we were close to in school, or the army, who had scattered but might one day want to reconnect if not so far away in the future.
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