Amy Louise
Savvy June 2020

Small Family and Feeling a little Lost

Amy Louise, on February 23, 2020 at 7:39 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Just a bit of a vent...

Both of my parents are passed. My Dad not being here is the hardest, he's only been gone 5 years and planning the wedding without him has been tough.

My family got smaller when Mom & Dad passed, my mother especially wasn't the greatest at keeping in touch with her family.

So it's my sister, her family and my brother and his family. There's a little dysfunction in my brother's family and a niece and nephew who may not come to the wedding because they are not speaking to their parents.

My only living cousin on my Dad's side called last night to say they can't come due to a hip replacement his needs. I completely understand that, and want someone to take care of themselves first before worrying about our wedding.

I'm just feeling so awkward, because my FH's family is huge! I am grateful however to be marrying into such a large family.

I guess it really comes down to missing my Dad. But overall, I want to let go of the weirdness I'm feeling about the small representation of my family! Why should I care what other people think, right? Everyone has their own situations and circumstances going on and I'm grateful those on my side who can be there, will be.

Anyone else with really small families you could almost fit at one table? Again, I am grateful for the family I have.

Thanks for reading my vent..


Latest activity by Jennifer, on February 29, 2020 at 6:25 AM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    You definitely shouldn’t worry about that. Look at the family you are gaining. My husband lost his parents very young, his other frothed died 5 years and his remaining brother he doesn’t have a relationship with so he didn’t have anyone except a cousin at our wedding. He embraced the family that I have and loves that. He had friends their which helped but I understand it’s not the same. Just do what you can to focus on what you are gaining rather than what you lost. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    Eh not everyone has large and close knit families. I do not and it's okay. Having people who really care about you in the important moments is what matters. You will still have an amazing day.
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I understand, but agree with your desire to try to stop being concerned about the family size discrepancies. Our family is huge and SIL's is quite small. They had 100 guests at the wedding and 40+ were the bride's "most immediate" family -- just aunts and uncles on both sides, and her cousins, ONLY on my side (who live close and they all grew up together). SIL's parents are divorced, and pretty estranged/dysfunctional, and he has one sibling -- the four of them are not particularly close -- and he had two aunts and an uncle attend, so there were 7 family members on his side.... The good news is he's very close to daughter's/our extended family as they'd been together for 8 years and he'd been to PLENTY of family gatherings and everyone already saw him as part of the family. The remaining guests were almost exclusively daughter and SIL's friends, and his friend group is significantly larger than hers. In the end, they were surrounded by 100 people who love them both and they were both thrilled with that! Good luck! (I am very sorry about the loss of your parents and can imagine how hard it is to not have them here to support you.) Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    Hey there! I am in a same situation. My dad passed away in 2017. Its been very hard planning without him-and thinking about walking down the aisle without him. My parents families are both very small-and i an actually not inviting my moms parents, her siblings or my cousins on that side due to a fall out when my dad passed away.
    Overall i think in inviting only 28 people. My fiance has a large family with alot of divorced new spouses, step kids.
    At first i felt the same, so upset that i have small family and that he will have so many there. On the day of i dont think anyone will look around and judge my small amount of people. Im just lucky enough to be joining such a large and welcoming family
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    I understand and sympathize. I’ve lost both my parents as well. Planning this without them has been emotionally draining at times. There are so many times where I wish they were here...

    Much of my father’s family hasn’t made much effort to be my life with the exception of my dad’s oldest brother and youngest sister and their families. His youngest sister lives on Florida and her daughter (the cousin I’m closest to) lives overseas. I’m not 100% the aunt and uncle will come. My mom’s brother and his wife have at least kept in touch, as has one of their daughters. Their attendance is also in question. That leaves my brother (who is giving me away, his daughters are my flower girls) and his wife, my sister (my MOH), and my godparents. Meanwhile FH’s family is at least 1/3 of the guest list. We are only inviting 80-90 people total, and his family will take up most of “his side” of the venue where I’m going to be lucky to have 2 tables worth of people. It also means when I’m assigning tables, a good chunk of his friends will be on “my side” ( we are doing the ceremony and reception in the same place) due to space.
    That being said FH’s family took me in as one of their own 8 years ago. They are being super supportive and helping with the planning...they will be my set up and tear down crew. I am lucky and very loved. Still, it doesn’t take that sting of missing my parents away.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I am from the very large family side. But wanted to say, no one looks down on you for having few relatives at your wedding. Just sad that the day must make you miss your parents, a sorrow we all understand. Hold fast to those you do have. You and FI will soon be a family of your own.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I know it's hard. My family isn't that small, but everyone on my mother's side refused to come, so it was *just* my dad and my stepmom.

    However, my "framily" was there - the friends who are so close, they are family. Blood doesn't make a family, love does!

    To help with the grief, though, it might be best to create a small space where you can put up pictures of your parents and other loved ones who are gone/can't make it. We did that, and it helped a lot.

    • Reply
  • Amy Louise
    Savvy June 2020
    Amy Louise ·
    • Flag
    Thank you everyone. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Smiley heart Smiley heart
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated May 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    I've been having the same feeling that I'll barely have any family at my wedding for my side because my FH has a huge family as well. 3 of my grandparents have passed, an uncle, and an aunt. My one uncle most likely will not come because he lives in Washington state and his health is declining. My favorite cousin who I'm extremely close with won't be there because she's away in Grenada for vet school. When I look at the guest list I feel like at least 60% is all relatives of his and it just makes me feel like I'm gonna be in a room full of strangers because I have yet to meet most of them.
    • Reply

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