Small Destination Wedding

Talk about it now!!!! I I was very vocal that we were eloping to all my guests who may have thought they were invited. I told them it’s a private intimate elopement, we are having and only 2 asked me if they can go and it was very easy to say no and they understood. The more you talk about it with family and friends the more they will less likely feel hurt they weren’t invited.

You should cut your guest list to allow for significant others. It is beyond rude not to invite someones boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone someone's SPOUSE!

I honestly would remove the friends who you're inviting without spouses and invite your family with those leftover spots. If you aren't inviting the entire couple, don't invite either of them. That's extremely rude, especially for a destination wedding. There's no way to notify people that you're getting married, but they're not being invited. You can send marriage announcements after the fact, but that's not going to change the fact that people are going to want to attend. It's just one of those things you have to deal with when having a small wedding. Give them a generic "I'm sorry, we're keeping the guest list to immediate family and close friends only," and keep it moving.

It is fine to have an intimate DW but it is considered rude to not invite people's spouses and SOs. I would revisit your guest list so you don't leave off the spouses and SOs, especially since traveling is involved. Very few people will travel to a wedding when their spouse/SO is not invited. Also, having a DW creates a higher expectation that you will treat your guests really well (more so than a local wedding) because you've asked them to travel which is usually inconvenient and expensive for them. Once you've created your guest list, you don't need to announce it. If someone asks you, simply say that you are having an intimate wedding with only your immediate family and closest friends. That's what we did. We hosted 40 guests at a semi-DW location.

I would count the friends who can't bring their spouses as "no" responses so I'd probably skip inviting friends at all and just invite family with spouses.

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As our friend group is very close, and a couple weddings only one of us had been invited to attend due to wanting intimate weddings I did not realize this would be considered so rude. Thank you for the feedback!

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Thank you for the feedback. I am not close with my family at all and have always seen friends more as family, but I think we may just move to not invite those with spouse to insure no hard feelings.

View Quoted Comment It seems as if we are going to have a lot of questions about the invites. I guess that is a price to pay to have a small wedding. I hate to think I would have to not invite those with spouses as two of them are childhood friends, but I don't know how we could add more sleeping arrangements. I guess something to think about before final decision.

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All of our wedding party doesn't live in our state, so we knew travel was going to be a necessity in the beginning. We hate to make people feel unwelcome, so this may not be the decision we stick with. Who knew a small wedding could be a big problem ?

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Our friends are VERY involved in our life so many of them have said they would absolutely come (which is why we are okay with the 30 number) if we went somewhere. I think this will be a continued discussion for a few weeks as it seems we are being very inconsiderate to others with what we are hoping for.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely this.

We had a DW with 15 guests (spouses/partners invited) and we had a blast! It’s ok to do immediate family & BFFs only, even if the guest list becomes smaller. Just be sure to invite spouses/partners.

You could do a simple “cake & punch” reception for friends & family after your DW if you want to celebrate with them in a budget-friendly way. 😊

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We are just really private people so the idea of having those we aren't really close to hearing such intimate moments of ours seems so nerve racking. I think maybe that may be the best move, & do a small gathering when we get back. Thank you!

While it’s definitely not considered polite to invite guests without their spouse, if these are your besties, and it’s been done in your circle before, run the idea by them before totally crossing them off the list. If they are ok with it, then it’s ok. Let them know what’s going on and that you aren’t sure how to proceed. Take cues from them as to what their expectations would be as far as being invited with/without their spouse. You can also revisit the family on your list. We are also doing a small destination wedding, albeit a little bigger than yours, but have cut most extended family from the list such as cousins and whatnot. If you are not close with the family member and don’t see them, I think it’s completely acceptable to cut them from the list when you’re having a wedding this small.

View Quoted Comment I totally get it. My hubby & I are hams but vows are so personal! Even with 15 the reception felt like a big loud dinner party.

We we had a 50-guest reception a few months later which was fun too.