Diz
Dedicated October 2020

Small ceremony now has more guests? What do i say to the univited?

Diz, on September 9, 2020 at 11:03 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 13
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Hi everyone, so due to covid we have decided to abandon our large wedding dreams and have downsized the wedding to a smaller intimate number. Initially, we decided we would get married with just our immediate families, but after much deliberation, I decided to invite a friend or two, and my fiance is inviting his best man. I had originally told my bridesmaids that it would just be immediate family, but now two of my friends will attend. My question is do I have to tell my bridesmaids that I extended the invitation to some of them? For some backstory, my MOH is very pregnant, and out of state, two are out of state, 2 said they weren't comfortable coming to an outdoor ceremony, but 2 said they would be there if I had moved it to an outdoor venue, and then I extended an invitation to the remaining two (IF THEY WANTED). I'm asking because I don't want anyone to be offended if they see my wedding video later, and they are in the video. I am just not sure how to approach this situation.

13 Comments

  • Krista
    Dedicated April 2020
    Krista ·
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    What we decided to do is just have immediate family and bridal party. When the time comes they can decide (as pregnancy has become newborns between now and the original wedding date who knows what else will change). So they can decide what to do and won’t feel offended since it was up to them. I think as long as the bridal party wasn’t huge. Since you already know how people feel you can extend the invitation but also say that you would love to celebrate with them later as well when things are closer to normal
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    Thanks! Yes, we can't invite the entire bridal party bc it's like 20 people. I started off with just immediate family, but it's just me and my mom and I realized I wanted a friend there. I just dont want the other bridesmaids to feel slighted that I didnt ask them or they didn't know about it. I was wondering if I should get ahead of it.
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    I had 9 bridesmaids and fiance had 7 groomsmen
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I could see people possibly getting offened. Either don't post the video and/or pics on social media; or be upfront and honest with others and tell them that you wish they could be there, but do to regulations and the COVID situation, your FH and you agreed to invite only a couple of local friends. Maybe you should promise them that you'll go out if your way to spend time with them for a post wedding lunch/dinner once COVID is over.
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. It's not a slight to them just the circumstance.
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  • VIP August 2020
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    To clarify, are the two friends you invited bridesmaids?
    If the situation is that you invited the only two bridesmaids who live in state and felt safe coming to your wedding, I think you should tell the other bridesmaids about it before the wedding. It would be too easy for them to find out that some bridesmaids were invited, and they'll be more offended if they find out after it's already happened.
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    Yes, 2 out of 9 bridesmaids. That's what I'm thinking, especially since i will have a video. 2 of the remaining bridesmaid COULD come, but due to size count i only invited 2. Question is how to tell them?
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  • VIP August 2020
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    Are you having an indoor ceremony that they already said they wouldn't be comfortable attending? Or have you know the two that you invited much longer than the two who could come but you didn't invite? I would just try to think of the real explanation and then sugarcoat it a little bit if necessary.
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    It's outdoor, but very small. Mainly, we couldn't invite the whole squad bc it's too many ppl but bc of the circumstances, and I really felt like I needed a friend there. I dont think the other 2 that I didn't invite would care and it would make sense inviting the girls that I chose, but I dont want anyone to be blindsided. Even the girls that are out of state.
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    2 of the girls said they wouldn't be comfortable attending even an outdoor ceremony. 3 are out of state and 4 are left that said they were fine. 2 I asked to attend (bc it was too hard to choose between the 2), and then there are 2 left that would prob come, if asked.
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  • VIP August 2020
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    Got it, thanks. I would probably say something like, "so, we ended up being able to invite a few more people so [name] and [name] are coming, but we're still keeping it super small. I really wish you could be there with us, but because of covid restrictions we really had to limit the number of people we invited."
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  • Diz
    Dedicated October 2020
    Diz ·
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    Thanks. Very helpful!
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  • VIP August 2020
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    Good luck!
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